Simply Sam.🌙🥀

[smoleita715]

Washington, 2024

[smoleita715]

Colorado, 2024

[smoleita715]

North Carolina, 2026

[thehopefulquotes]

“I still get very high and very low in life. Daily. but I’ve finally accepted the fact that sensitive is just how I was made, that I don’t have to hide it, and I don’t have to fix it. I’m not broken.”

— Unknown

[maureen2musings]

zachnicholz

[stay-close]

“I love that word. Forever. I love that forever doesn’t exist, but we have a word for it and use it all the time. It’s beautiful and doomed.”

— Viv Albertine

[bekkathyst]

Summer's beauty

[quotespile]

“She had felt that way during her own childhood; she’d felt like a watchful, wary adult housed in a little girl’s body. And yet nowadays, paradoxically, it often seemed to her that from behind her adult face a child about eleven years old was still gazing out at the world.”

— Anne Tyler, Clock Dance

[smoleita715]

July 2023

It’s funny how the saying goes “He just talks to hear himself talk”; can also be translated to how I type just to hear the clicking, or how I write just to see my handwriting (getting worse by the day and I’m unsure why). 

I feel like I’m on Awkward (MTV show...catch up). However, I have to figure out how to change my page to private so no one will ever see. On the contrary I do want to reach others though, I want to see if others relate; if maybe we can find peace in sharing our experiences. Is it bad that I only want it to be girls? I don’t trust men... Like at all. That’s not really fair but idk, prove yourself.

I am trying to tap into my feminine energy. From forever I have navigated in survival mode, masculine energy. There are small practices I try to incorporate. I give myself opportunities to receive. I am friendlier to strangers. Because who doesn’t deserve kindness? 

Deep under though? Oh boy is that a black crater of despair to say the absolute least. I’ve always read “healing is not linear” blah fucking blah. The back and forth is exhausting. For myself and those that I love. I will be okay, I will be positive. I will clean my spaces and take care of myself. And another day I will lie in bed, paralyzed to move (not physically knock on wood - I need to say that given family history). I will ignore the squalor. During this period I will eat every moment I have a free hand, or I will have 1 “meal” a day - there is no in between. My moods? My emotions? There’s not one emotion I haven’t felt lately. 

Days continue on though. All you can do is hope and strive to make tomorrow at least a little better yesterday (at the VERY least). I like the notion of finding “glimmers” during the day, rather than seeking out triggers. 

           Glimmers- Small actions, events, moments, etc. during your day that make you smile; make you happy; warms your heart. (E.g. Seeing the cutest dog in the world on your morning commute)

Okay, goodnight 

[kuutamosonaatti]

Views from Suomenlinna at summer

Helsinki, Finland, 1965

[smoleita715]

Jim

It’s a universal tale that “time heals all wounds”, a response most often associated with grief. 

Time will only continue forward and the presence of the lost will only continue to fade. 

Losing my dad around my seventh birthday was sad I suppose but pain engulfs my body from the inside out each year that passes without him. I didn’t understand. I didn’t know. Now I’m twenty five and he’s still not coming back. How can that be? I’ve traveled and appeared on television Irish step dancing, I went to prom twice, I was captain of the cheerleading team my senior year, I graduated high school, I endured the most excruciating and painful college experience yet still managed to graduate, I started a career I’ve always dreamed of... Where are you? 

“He’s always with you.” No he’s not. He never will be again. I cannot grasp this permanence. 

[honeyfawns]

[faengelia]

[perrfectly]

[smoleita715]

[smoleita715]

One minute...

You’re five years old, sharing secrets with your dad about riding shotgun in his red camaro. Your little chest rattling with the bass, just two smiles and song lyrics cruising down Main Street. Then you blink. You’re twenty-four, driving alone in your own car down the same street, listening to the same songs; it’s been eighteen years since you’ve seen your dad. Life comes at you fast that way. 

[smoleita715]

Richmondville, New York - February 26, 2021