to the only person i’ve ever loved. a love letter.
im not sure if you want to hear from me anymore. i dont know if you think about me anymore. i still do. everyday, and i feel like whether i like it or not it will be happening until the end of time.
for the past two years, i’ve stopped myself more times than i can count from writing you. all i’ve wanted to do is apologize for my absolutely shit behavior, but im sure you dont want to hear any of that. i dont want to make more excuses. i was simply a shit person regardless of the situation i was in, and i wish i did not come back into your life just to mess things up again. that is the reason i chose not to contact you and i just prefer to pour my heart out to you in this post in case you happen to stumble across it.
i fucked up. i messed up big time, and it is all my fault. i dont think ive ever felt something like this for someone. we were two halves of a soul. and from the moment we became friends, i knew you were gonna be a big part of not just my life, but me. i’ve grieved and mourned over this loss for so long, and i always will. i shouldnt have let anything come between us. i would lasso the sun and the moon from the sky to have you back in my life in any form. i kept telling you that - you deserved so much better than i gave you. god, i wish i could turn back time, but i cant.
ever since you sent it to me, i have had it on my nightstand. you do not leave my mind. i have travelled with it back and forth between countries, so it always stays with me. today i started cleaning through my nightstands, and i found the letter that you sent with it. i couldnt get 3 sentences in before i burst into tears, and i’ve been crying since. i wanted to message you so bad, to tell you everything that’s been on my heart, but i cant do that to you. i cant force myself back into your life. i understand that you might not even want me anymore, which is more than normal, but if theres even a small part of you that does- i wanted to pour my heart out to you. i know you most likely dont trust me anymore- how could you? and it shatters me to think about what i did and what it must have felt like. no amount of sorrys and apologies will be able to patch it up. but just in case you see this, god do i regret everything.
if you’ll have me, im willing to show you that you can trust me again, and i hope that with time you will be able to again. if time is what you need, i’ll wait for you. i’ll wait for the day your name pops up in my phone again to make my heart race. i’ll always wait. if not, i just wanted you to know that i didnt love you, i adored you. in past, present and future.
yours truly and wholeheartedly,
ree
