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@snixle
Text || Dantana
Dani: You do that, sweetcheeks.
Dani: Poor you. It must be such a hard life. What exactly were you expecting? A back rub and a bottle of wine? 'Cause if so, you're barking up the wrong tree.
Santana: Well now that you mentioned it, that's exactly what I want.
Santana: And you're just a cruel mistress to even bring that up when I'm getting cold turkey.
The voices in my head are telling you to shush. As for getting your mack on, I’ll show up when you least expect it just to give you an extra special break. Maybe then I won’t spend any time with your idiot of a best friend. You? Fat person disease? Never. You’re easily the sexiest person in New York City.
Oh so romantic. And in that case, it'll be a win-win situation because I know how spending too much time with Puckerman can give anyone hemorrhoids. Awh, thanks babe.. You're not too bad yourself. I mean, I am marrying you. We're going to make some super fine babies with your lady cave. No offense, I can't imagine anything popping out of my one way pleasure cove.
Let’s be real, we both know there will be a next time. For some reasons, it could be the tits, but idiots always gravitate towards you. Anyways, I’ll make sure to keep my phone closer to me from now on so that you can send me a text or something when you need emergency help. As long as i’m not hooking up with anyone.
If you're right with that one, I definitely regret getting these puppies fixed up when I was 16. If I knew how many creeps would be magnetized them like flies to a pile of shit, I might of reconsidered. Thanks, I appreciate it.. The last thing I'd need would be you rushing in with your half hard, wet wang flapping about and giving the old farts a heart attack. I might get fired for that.
You know, there was a voice in the back of my head telling me to just show up and sit there for a few hours eating a whole cheesecake. I should’ve done it.
Next time, please listen to that thought in the back of your mind.. And I won't even make a single joke about having voices talking to you in your head, babe. I really could have done with getting my mack on as a break.. My stress levels are really peaking. I swear I'm going to develop some fat person disease
If I got offended by the things that you said, We would’ve stopped being friends a long time ago.
And this is exactly why you're my favorite. Oh and just a little PSA, you should be around you phone more incase of an emergency much like that one. Next time, just call me and pretend there's some crazy emergency that I need to help out with. Even better, make is disgusting or embarrassing so the ancient creeps don't ask more questions. Kay?
Text || Dantana
Dani: Sweaty man stink isn't the worst thing around. Though I definitely prefer it on a much younger model.
Santana: Still gross, but you enjoy that and I'll just stick to what I like, ey?
Santana: Anyway, I'm still not really feeling consoled about my ordeal. I was expecting at least a little love or something. Where is the sympathy nowadays?
Text || Dantana
Dani: Are you saying you're not a fan of shady threesomes? You suddenly just got less interesting...
Santana: Middle aged men don't really wet my whistle. Too much penis and not enough jugs for my taste but you enjoy that sweaty man stink
Text || Dantana
Dani: You should count yourself amongst the luckiest, Lopez. ;)
Dani: My day /was/ pretty amazing, actually. Did some recording, got done early, and I'm about to relax with my two favorite boys, Ben and Jerry.
Santana: I do hope you're talking about ice cream and not some shady threesome with men that could only be described as middle aged with names like those.
Text || Dantana
Dani: Many, many times. It's one of my best qualities, actually.
Santana: Well, aren't I lucky to have seen it so soon.
Santana: Next, are you going to tell me you're day has been much better?
Text || Dantana
Dani: Well, at least you didn't have to deal with an old, homeless pervert. That would've been a shit show.
Santana: Oh, now that image is just mentally upsetting me. Has anyone told you that you're heartless?
Text || Dantana
Dani: You sound like you had a great day.
Santana: Oh yeah, totally fabulous. I alsmost love old people as much as I love homeless perverts
So, apparently today was the day that all the oldies come into the diner at the ass crack of dawn on their way to some lame show playing in some town outside of the city that probably only my abuela has heard of. Of course, I had to be the only person working and as soon as I make them coffee, they decided to talk to me about god knows what for an hour. Seriously, I felt out of place as a pork chop in a synagogue. No offence Puckerman.
Private || Dantana
Demon child is probably more accurate. You sound like on of those kids I would have hated when I was younger. I’ll figure that one out for myself.
Oh yeah? And how do you propose to do that? I mean, we've only met once and that wasn't really enough to determine much. I'm awful at making female friends and actually keeping them around, so I don't think I'd say no to trying one last time. After all, I don't want my mom to make any side comments at my wedding about having no friends.. That's just sad.
Everyone knows what the weekend means
You better check yourself, That ego of yours is starting to get as big as your boobs.
You got that old when THE Santana Lopez decided to stop being the biggest female player this side of the mason dixon line and get engaged to, let’s be real, one of the hottest females in the city.
You're saying it like it's a bad thing. Both are sexy, in my opinion
Hey, you know you have a keeper when you think they're that hot, that you don't want to stop having sex with them or let anyone else have a turn. It's taken my whole life, but this chica has finally found love. I mean, look at us, we're a freaking hot as hell couple. Who wouldn't want to marry us.
I'm just waiting for the day that you get old.
✉ TEAGAN → SANTANA
Teagan: You should totally try.
Teagan: If you leave early I promise to give you something amazing to come home to.
Santana: And if I fail, I'll just talk out.
Santana: And that's all the more reason to just leave.. Do I get a sneak preview?
Well, it's official.
That sounds like the shit of my nightmares. Apparently you need to listen better, Lopez. Clearly you brought that on yourself.
What can I say, I was a pretty terrible kid. When I wasn't being taped to chairs of serving one of many time-outs from my parents, I was terrorizing the neighborhood old people and stealing gum. Honestly, I'm not sure I'm the sort of person you want to associate with
Everyone knows what the weekend means
When do you ever tell a joke?
We have had more good times then we have had bad ones that’s for sure. Why would I want to go hang out at the mall? That’s for losers and Noah Puckerman is no loser.
I just know that, if I did, I would be non-stop hilarious. I'm pretty much good at everything, after all. It hurts to be this perfect
I was just checking you have your head on straight, Puckerstud. I'll let Tea know that I'm heading out with you this weekend. Hopefully she won't be too upset it'll be pretty much our first evening without work apart since the engagement... Since when did I get this old?!
