Chapter 33 Episode Script
Narrator: Welcome back to Love Island! Last time we went behind the scenes as the Islanders fine-tuned their acts for the talent show.
James: We can't agree on what it actually is that we're doing.
Narrator: Good start, James. Note to self... Don't let James plan a holiday. Today the Islanders are in for the ride of their lives...
Player: It's like I'm hypnotised...
Narrator: Seat belts on! It's gonna be a bumpy one…
Player (thinking): It's showtime! Which means it's time to give them an eyeful. Let's break a leg!
Narrator: Please don't do that, Player. The paperwork will take me all week. Valentina is opening the show for us today with her magical cocktail-making hands. Wait... That sounds bad.
Valentina: Ta-da! Three delicious cocktails. Any volunteers to taste them?
Narrator: I wouldn't.
Valentina: Player! Here, try one!
Player (thinking): Which mystery drink should I try?
CHOICE: The orange one
Narrator: You take a tentative sip. There's a strange taste that you can't place, which won't leave your tongue.
Player: What's that I can taste?
Valentina: That's 5-Spice Honey Syrup! Yummy right?
CHOICE: The pink one
Narration: You take a tentative sip. There's a strange taste that you can't place, which won't leave your tongue.
Player: What's that I can taste?
Valentina: That's the beet shrub! Yummy, right?
CHOICE: The green one
Narration: You take a tentative sip. There's a strange taste that you can't place, which won't leave your tongue.
Player: What's that I can taste?
Valentina: That's the pickle brine! Yummy, right?
Narration: You nod politely.
Narrator: Well that went down a treat. Not. You know what I've noticed so far? Some people are way overdressed for this talent show. Yes, Youcef, I'm looking at you.
Youcef: And let's begin.
Narration: Youcef has all his ingredients laid out before him. Making lingering eye contact with his audience, Youcef proceeds to pick up each ingredient and tenderly place them on his cutting board seductively. There's a loud chop, as Youcef slices through a carrot. The girls are captivated as he carves it into a rose. Youcef continues with his routine, tasting ingredients as he goes along, his fingers lingering at his lips...
Player (thinking): The crowd is loving this. Looks like his grouchy kitchen prep paid off...
Narration: When his act is over, the applause is deafening.
Narrator: Go Youcef! Go Youcef! Whoops, was that out loud? Sexy cooking, what will they think of next? Now let's see if James has figured out his act yet...
Narration: James and Will take the stage, standing on opposite sides.
James: Our act is gymnorobics.
Angie: What does that mean?
Will: Watch and we'll show you.
Narration: Will and James begin their performance by tumbling towards one another, and then springing up face-to-face. They spend several minutes doing version different bodily contortions and somersaults. Finally, they finish with an epic lift, as Will is suspended high in the air by James.
Player (thinking): What should I do?
CHOICE: Whistle
Narration: You blow a shrill whistle in their direction.
CHOICE: Applaud
Narration: You applaud loudly.
CHOICE: Holler
Narration: You shout, as loud as you can…
Player: Long live gymnorobics!
Narration: James catches your eye and smiles at you. Will catches your eye and winks at you. Angie's phone beeps.
Angie: Looks like it's my turn.
Narration: Angie makes her way onto the stage and opens up a small jewellery box. She awkwardly adjusts the mic and a speaks into it a little too loudly...
Angie: My talent is making friendship bracelets...
Narration: There's a collective ‘aw' from the other Islanders.
Angie: In under 20 seconds. Someone count me down.
Thabi: I'll do it! 20, 19, 18, 17, 16 ...
Narration: Seconds pass by as Angie wrestles with the tiny threads in her hands.
Thabi: 15, 14, 13 ...
Narration: Angie's tongue is sticking out the side of her mouth in concentration.
Thabi: 5, 4, 3, 2 ...
Angie: Finished!
Narration: Angie holds the thin, delicate plaited friendship bracelet in the air.
Angie: And now, I need an assistant...
Narrator: Me! Me! Pick me!
Angie: Player, you look helpful today. Come here.
Narrator: It's like they can't even hear me sometimes.
Player (thinking): Angie wants me as her assistant…
CHOICE: No way, José
Angie: Hey, if I have to do this, you're doing it with me. What use is a BFF if she won't help you out.
Player: Fine! I'll do it, I'll do it.
CHOICE: Fine…
Player: Fine! I'll do it, I'll do it.
CHOICE: Yay!
Narration: You make your way onto the stage.
Angie: Put out your hand.
Narration: You do as Angie says. She fastens the friendship bracelet around your wrist.
Angie: Now, I'm going to make this friendship bracelet disappear. Watch closely.
Narration: The Islanders fix their eyes on your wrist.
Angie: Away!
Narration: With a few flamboyant movements of the hand, the friendship bracelet is gone… From your wrist, that is… You can see it poking out under Angie's foot. The audience gasp in delight.
Player (thinking): They obviously haven't spotted the friendship bracelet yet… Should I keep it to myself or show them that Angie's trick has failed?
CHOICE: Expose her!
Player: My fellow Islanders. I hate to do this but...
Narration: You bend down and swoop up the friendship bracelet.
Player: Angie's magic is a hoax!
Narration: The audience gasps.
Angie: How could you, Player?
Narration: Angie feigns hurt, and starts to laugh.
CHOICE: Pretend to be impressed
Player: Wow, Angie! How the heck did you do that?!
Narration: Angie taps her nose, conspiratorially.
Angie: A magician never reveals her secrets.
CHOICE: Wink at Angie, but say nothing
Narration: As the applause carries on around you, you wink slyly at Angie. Angie takes the hint, and grins, shuffling a little so her foot is completely covering the friendship bracelet.
Narration: Your phone goes off.
Narrator: Player, you're up. Please perform your act. No pressure, Player, but this better be good. This seat's getting uncomfortable and I need to be distracted.
Player (thinking): Well, I guess I'd better stay up here.
Angie: Good luck.
Narration: Angie smiles at you and retreats back into the crowd.
Player (thinking): Here goes nothing!
Narration: You take your place on the stage and look out over your fellow Islanders. They're all staring at you.
{if Bruno’s help}
Narration: Closing your eyes for a moment, you call to mind Bruno's advice.
Narration: You get yourself and your chair into position, and take a deep breath. As the music starts up, you begin your routine. Your movements are strong and confident.
Player (thinking): So far, so good.
Narration: You sensually sway your hips and straddle the chair. Then you lift yourself up, contorting yourself around the chair's back. Feeling yourself get more into the groove, you try for a handstand… And you execute it beautifully. You finish with a flourish, to a deafening applause and a series of whistles.
{if no Bruno’s help}
Narration: You get yourself and your chair into position, and take a deep breath. As the music starts up, you begin your routine. Your movements are strong and confident.
Player (thinking): So far, so good.
Narration: As your routine continues you feel your arms start to shake… You wobble a little, but recover yourself quickly. As you finish up, you hear the Islanders applaud.
{if James’ help}
Narration: Closing your eyes for a moment, you call to mind James’ advice.
Narration: You get into position, centre stage, and take a deep breath. You pull out the items you have taken from throughout the Villa. A [juggling item 1], a [juggling item 2] and a [juggling item 3].
Bruno: Is that my towel?
Cora: Is that my [juggling item 1]?
James: Well, that's my [juggling item 2].
Will: Well, that's my [juggling item 3].
Narration: You swallow down a laugh and filter out the noise. You throw the [juggling item 1] in the air first, followed closely by the [juggling item 2] and [juggling item 3].
Player (thinking): So far so good.
Narration: You get into a rhythm and begin to throw the items higher and higher, landing each catch. Coming into the finale, you feel balanced and confident, so you try a little flourish… You lift one leg and juggle the objects around your thigh. When you stop, the applause is deafening.
{if no James’ help}
Narration: You get into position, centre stage, and take a deep breath. You pull out the items you have taken from throughout the Villa. A [juggling item 1], a [juggling item 2] and a [juggling item 3].
Bruno: Is that my towel?
Cora: Is that my [juggling item 1]?
James: Well, that's my [juggling item 2].
Will: Well, that's my [juggling item 3].
Narration: You swallow down a laugh and filter out the noise. You throw the [juggling item 1] in the air first, followed closely by the [juggling item 2] and [juggling item 3].
Player (thinking): So far so good.
Narration: Just for a split second, you lose your rhythm… The [juggling item 3] is in danger of falling… But you catch it just in time, and finish strong to an applause.
{if Tom’s help}
Narration: Closing your eyes for a moment, you call to mind Tom’s advice. Your voice comes out strong and confident.
Player (thinking): Good start...
Narration: You continue with your song, feeling your vocal cords vibrate as you project your voice towards the back of the crowd. As you approach your finale you add a little embellishment and finish strong. The Islanders applaud loudly. Angie has tears in her eyes.
{if no Tom’s help}
Narration: Your voice comes out strong and confident.
Player (thinking): Good start...
Narration: As you near your finale, your voice wobbles for just a second… But you recover yourself quickly and finish strong. The Islanders applaud. You hop down from the stage.
Narration: [your partner] is waiting for you, smiling.
[your partner]: Colour me impressed.
Player (thinking): How do I feel my performance went?
CHOICE: I aced it
Player: Thanks, babe! I feel it went really well!
CHOICE: I have no idea
Player: Yeah? It was good? It's all a blur to me.
CHOICE: It was a disaster
Player: Come off it. I felt like I was making mistake after mistake!
[your partner]: No way!
[your partner]: You were amazing. As usual.
Narration: [your partner] kisses you on the forehead.
Narrator: OK, Brujuma, let's see what you've got! Or should it be Najumo? I'm getting carried away. Let's see if they're good enough to deserve the name smush.
Player (thinking): Bruno looks nervous...
Narration: Bruno and Najuma get into position and the music plays. Instantly they behind to move their bodies violently, like crashing waves. Bruno twists his torso and stretches high into the air, all while balancing on one foot. Najuma drags herself along the ground, her hands reaching backwards, up into the air.
[your partner]: What on earth are they doing?
Player (thinking): How do I interpret this interpretative dance?
CHOICE: They're being a storm
Player: Bruno is a tree, ravaged by the wind. And Najuma is the sea, with a boat struggling to stay afloat on her.
[your partner]: Yeah... I'm not buying it.
CHOICE: Looks like a mating ritual to me
[your partner]: You're so right! That must be it.
Narration: [your partner] chuckles.
[your partner]: Now that you mention it… I have definitely seen this in a nature documentary.
Narration: You smile at each other.
CHOICE: They're being our inner turmoil
Player: It's poetry in motion.
Narration: [your partner] looks at you.
[your partner]: Yeah... I'm not buying it.
[your partner]: Player, you're a genius.
Narration: The dance continues, and you find yourself getting lost in the movements.
Player: It's like I'm hypnotised...
[your partner]: I know, right?
Narration: Bruno's movements are lithe and delicate. Najuma's are deliberate and graceful. When the two dancers stop whirling around the stage, their chests are heaving. The Islanders burst into hearty applause.
Narrator: I have no idea what that was, but I loved every second of it. Let's see if Cora, Tom and the saucepans can beat that!
Narration: Tom's beating his pots vigorously, with an angry expression on his face. Meanwhile, Cora is strumming her guitar rhythmically and emitting a strange warbling sound...
Angie: Looks like Tom is going for the rocker attitude.
Player: Anyone know why Cora is making that noise?
Youcef: She said her lyrics would get lost in Tom's din. So she was going to improvise.
Player: Well, she's definitely improvising!
Narrator: And finally, we have Thabi, who has been spouting her Under The Knife trivia for about three minutes straight… And I've got a feeling the other Islanders are running out of questions. But I'm only left with more!
Thabi: Deborah Landy!
Bruno: What's Cindy Carmichael's blood type?!
Thabi: O negative!
Player (thinking): What trivia question should I ask Thabi about Under The Knife?
CHOICE: Who was the first person Daniel slept with in the on-call room?
Thabi: Cedric!
CHOICE: Who kidnapped Alicia in season 12?
Thabi: Her twin sister Amy!
CHOICE: Who walks in on Alicia and Adrian in episode 5?
Thabi: Um... Nobody! That was a trick question, right Player?
Player: Right.
Narration: Thabi looks triumphant.
Tom: Thabi knows everything...
Cora: OK, final question. In season eight, episode 25 Alicia tells Adrian she can't eat shellfish because she's allergic… What is the real reason Alicia can't eat shellfish?
Narration: Thabi's face goes blank.
Thabi: I... um... wait, I know this one...
Player (thinking): Thabi's struggling…
CHOICE: Give her a hint
Narration: You mime having a pregnant belly.
Thabi: Oooh! Ooh! I remember! She's pregnant!
Cora: Yes!
Narration: Thabi walks down off the stage beaming, and shoots you a grateful look.
CHOICE: Do nothing
Thabi: Oh drat, I don't remember!
Cora: It's because she's pregnant!
Thabi: Noo! Dammit!
Narration: Thabi leaves the stage, hanging her head in shame.
CHOICE: Sabotage her
Player: Psst... her pet lobster...
Thabi: Ooh! Is it something to do with the fact that she had a pet lobster when she was a kid?
Cora: Um, nope. Sorry. It's because she's pregnant!
Thabi: Noo! Dammit!
Narration: Thabi leaves the stage, hanging her head in shame.
{alternate 1}
Thabi: So... is that it? Do we vote now?
Narration: Thabi sidles over to you.
Player: I can't believe you're such an Under The Knife whizz!
Thabi: I am obsessed. It's a disgrace that medical drama are talked about so little.
Narration: You both giggle.
{alternate 2}
Thabi: So... is that it? Do we vote now?
Narration: The Islanders look around at each other. All of a sudden, someone bursts out onto the stage.
Tiffany: Helloooo Islanders!
Najuma: No way...
Narrator: Ahh! Who is this?! Stranger danger! What? I was supposed to know about this? You know I don't read those memos. Anyway, Tiffany's has got our original Islanders in bits and pieces. No, of course not literally. Gosh, you can't say anything in this line of work.
Tiffany: And she turned to me and said… Tiff... You just ate it!
Narration: Laughter erupts around the lawn. [your partner] is clutching their sides.
Player (thinking): [your partner] is enjoying Tiffany's performance…
CHOICE: Cheer
Narration: You make an exaggerated whooping noise. Tiffany smiles at you.
CHOICE: Stay quiet
CHOICE: Heckle her
Player: Oh come on, I've heard that one before!
Narration: Tiffany laughs.
Tiffany: Always nice to meet a fan.
Narration: She winks at you and the other Islanders start laughing again.
Tiffany: But, seriously now. I'm a very tolerant person. I am. But like every tolerant person, I channel all my rage and dissatisfaction in life into one thing… My pet peeves. And my pet peeve is foodies.
Narration: Youcef raises an eyebrow and tuts.
Tiffany: Not just like a person who likes food. Who doesn't like a late night bowl of cereal? But what I can't stand is when people make it their whole persona. Hi, I'm Stacey. All of my FastFrame pics are of sandwiches and salads. I'm [your partner] unless there's Mozzarella di Bufala on offer, then I'll make an exception. This one time I met this foodi...
Narration: Tiffany's voice is drowned out by the clattering of a tray table being carried onto the stage by another stranger...
Kelly: Hey Love Island, I'm Kelly!
Valentina: What?!
Angie: How many new Islanders have they got back there?
Kelly: I'm a cake artist, and today I'm going to take you all on a journey...
Tiffany: You're early!
Kelly: I'm sorry! I Just wanted to show everyone my talent!
Bruno: This is brilliant! A foodie interrupting a comedy routine about foodies...
Narration: Bruno trails off, trying and failing to hold in the laughter. Tiffany comes down in among the crowd, letting Kelly get on with her performance. Kelly reveals a beautifully decorated cupcake… Then she opens her mouth as wide as it can go, and takes a slow bite of the cake. Her eyes fight to stay sultry and alluring, but frosting keeps dripping down her chin. All sex-appeal is lost when the jam slips out of the centre, onto the floor.
Player (thinking): Kelly's bombing…
CHOICE: Cheer her on
Narration: You whoop in support and whistle loudly. Kelly smiles at you gratefully. Her teeth are littered with mushy cake.
CHOICE: Do nothing
CHOICE: Make a joke
Narration: You turn to [your partner] and whisper.
Player: This reminds me of when I tried to eat a cupcake outside in the snow but my dog ate it. He kept me from frosting...
Narration: [your partner] sighs.
[your partner]: Oh, Player…
Narration: The other Islanders start to lose their fight against the oncoming laughter. Kelly, confused at first, sees the amused reactions all around her, and starts to laugh too. Then she struts off the stage sexily and joins you all.
Kelly: Well, I wanted to make sure Tiffany had a good chance of winning.
Narration: Before you have a chance to say anything...
Kelly: I got a text! Ooh, it's exciting to be able to say that!
Narrator: Islanders, the talent show is over. We've been measuring your applause and you have nominated a winner… The winner is
{alternate 1}
Narrator: Player!
Player (thinking): I won!
CHOICE: Make a speech
CHOICE: Scream and shout
CHOICE: Play it cool
Player: I just want to say, that none of this would have been possible without the help of…
{if help}
Narration: You scan the faces around you.
Player: Bruno/James/Tom!
Narration: Bruno/James/Tom beams at you.
{else}
Player: ... all you guys!
Narration: You let loose a shrill scream of excitment.
Player: I won, I won, I won!
Narration: You nod as the applause kicks in and place one hand on your heart for sincerity.
Narration: [your partner] and Angie/Thabi rush over to hug you.
[your partner]: I told you you were amazing!
Angie/Thabi: I knew it!
{alternate 2}
Narrator: The winner is Tiffany!
Thabi: Well done Tiffany!
Bruno: Yeah, you've got seriously good stand-up game!
Narration: Tiffany smiles and does a silly victory dance. Kelly's face falls. Tom gives her a pat on the back.
Narrator: Thank goodness that's over. Nobody had even a third of my talent. Could you read these lines off a page, day in day out, without any creative input? Huh. I knew it.
Narration: You and all your fellow Islanders are on the beanbags with the new girls. Kelly is sitting extremely close to you.
Kelly: You have to tell me where you got your outfit.
Player (thinking): What should I tell her?
CHOICE: My friend's a designer
Player: She's super talented, isn't she?
Kelly: Totally, babe.
CHOICE: I honestly don't remember
Kelly: Aw, pity!
CHOICE: Um, no I don't
Kelly: I didn't mean...
Narration: Kelly looks at you, confused. Then the penny seems to drop.
Kelly: Oh, Player, you're hilarious!
CHOICE: Aisle in my local supermarket
Kelly: Ohh, you're playing with me! You're hilarious!
Thabi: So, tell us about yourselves!
Valentina: Yeah, we're waiting.
Tiffany: Well, I live in Cardiff. I moved there when I got started with stand-up.
Bruno: That's so cool! I do stand-up too!
Tiffany: Neat!
Bruno: I think I saw you perform once, actually. Do you do it full-time?
Tiffany: Yep! I thought to myself, if I'm gonna make a fool of myself on the daily I may as well get paid for it!
Bruno: I completely get you.
Tiffany: Oh, by the way. If anyone has any pronouns they want me to use for them, just let me know. I'm really not fussed, I go by whatever.
Will: I like he and they.
Player (thinking): Will's just told us his pronouns…
CHOICE: Thanks for sharing!
Narration: Will smiles warmly at you.
Bruno: But why'd you never tell us before? We've only been hanging out all day every day!
Narration: Will shrugs.
CHOICE: Why didn't you tell us before?
Bruno: We've only been hanging out all day every day!
Narration: Will shrugs.
CHOICE: Sorry we didn't ask
Narration: Will shrugs.
Will: That's OK.
Will: I've been vibing with he/him lately, so it's cool. But in general, I tend to switch between he and they.
Narration: Tiffany smiles warmly at Will.
Kelly: I'm Kelly! And I'm a Cork gal, born and bred. And speaking of bread...
Narration: She does an exaggerated wink.
Kelly: Well, as I said before... I'm a sandwich artist!
Narration: [your partner] whispers into your ear...
[your partner]: Is she still talking about sandwiches?
Youcef: I have an idea. Since you know plenty about us and we know little about you… How about we play a game?
Thabi: Yay, a game!
Tiffany: Let's do it! How about Would You Rather?
Kelly: I love that game!
Youcef: But let's make it interesting. Kelly and Tiffany are the only ones who can answer the questions. The rest of us work together to make questions for them.
Player (thinking): Youcef wants to grill the new girls with Would You Rather…
CHOICE: That's a great idea!
CHOICE: Sounds spicy…
CHOICE: What are we waiting for?
Player: Let's do it!
Youcef: Since it was my idea, I will go first… Kelly, would you rather marry your first boyfriend, or...
Narration: Youcef looks to you.
Player (thinking): It's my turn to give an option.
Player (thinking): Marry your first boyfriend or…
CHOICE: ... never get married?
CHOICE: ... marry your most recent ex?
CHOIC: ... get his name tattooed?
Kelly: Well... I've actually never had an actual boyfriend. I mean I have messed about, don't get me wrong. But Kinsale is a small pond, so you have to be doggy wide...
Tom: What does that mean?
Kelly: What does what mean, babe?
Tom: Doggy wide.
Narration: Kelly laughs and touches off Tom's shoulder.
Kelly: Oh, it just means you have to be be careful. Don't want to be pissing up your garden wall, y'know?
Narration: Kelly laughs.
Bruno: That's fair.
Narration: There's a slightly awkward pause.
Najuma: OK, I've got one for Tiffany. Would you rather always have to keep your shoes on in the house or...
Narration: Najuma nods at Valentina.
Valentina: Never be able to take your make-up off?
Tiffany: Ooh, that's a tough one. Ugh, I'll disappoint the ancestors either way. Korean skincare goddesses, I'm sorry! But I'm gonna have to say never take my make-up off.
Tom: I never take my shoes off in the house...
Youcef: Me neither.
Cora: That's tragic.
Tiffany: Yeah, you two need a lesson in hygiene.
Youcef: When you're wearing designer samples, you do not simply take them ‘off'. The risk outweighs the gain.
Narration: Tiffany laughs.
Kelly: Player, you ask me something!
Player: OK...
Player (thinking): Would you rather…
CHOICE: ... never wear heels again
CHOICE: ... drink prune juice every morning
CHOICE: ... always be too cold
James: ... or only get to eat one type of sandwich for the rest of your life?
Kelly: That's easy. As much as I love sandwiches of all shapes and sizes… I could happily eat one type of sandwich for the rest of my life. My grandad's famous sandwich.
Player: Your grandad has a famous sandwich?
Kelly: Well, it's just famous in our family. Granny always did all the dinners and all the big feeds for us… But when Grandad made us his signature sandwich, now that was special. Granny used to get a bit jealous, but sure...
Narration: She shrugs.
Kelly: That's what inspired my career!
Player (thinking): What should I say about this famous sandwich?
CHOICE: That's a great story
Kelly: Thanks, Player! I think so.
CHOICE: What's in this famous sandwich?
Narration: Kelly winks at you.
Kelly: That would be telling.
CHOICE: Your granny is under-appreciated
Player: She does all the cooking and your grandad gets all that praise for a sandwich? Sounds sus to me.
Kelly: It's not like that. She's his muse!
Kelly: Who wouldn't like to be someone's muse?
Angie: Moving swiftly on... I've got one for Tiffany. Would you rather lose all your personal possessions and savings or...
Narration: Angie nods to Cora.
Cora: ... not do bits for years?
Tiffany: Babe, that's not even a fair fight. Bits over bobs. Every time.
Narration: Angie bursts out laughing. It's infectious.
Tiffany: OK, that's enough grilling us, thank you very much. I'm gagging for an explore.
Kelly: Ooh, me too!
Narration: Thabi springs into action.
Thabi: I can show you both around. Put my tour guide skills to good use! Whoop, whoop! Let's go!
Player (thinking): Maybe I could tag along… It'd be a good chance to find out some more about the new girls…
CHOICE (Premium): Get involved
CHOICE: I'll stay here
Player (thinking): Am I sure I don't want to tag along? I could find out who Kelly and Tiffany are interested in…
CHOICE (Premium): Go with them
CHOICE: Nope, I'm good here
Narration: You wave to Thabi and the new girls as they head off. As you look around at your fellow Islanders, you see some nervous faces. Everyone seems lost in thought.
Player (thinking): I wonder who Kelly and Tiffany are interested in… It better not be [your partner]...
{skip scene}
Narration: Thabi, Tiffany, and Kelly are approaching the beanbags. You and [your partner] wave at them.
Tiffany: Alright?
Player: Wait up! Every good tour guide needs an assistant, right?
Thabi: Well, not usually but I'm sure I can make an exception!
Narration: You follow along as Thabi starts her tour of the Villa.
Thabi: And here's the pool, where there's usually more splashing and sunbathing than swimming going on.
Narration: Kelly and Tiffany nod along.
Player: Here's my chance to get to know the new girls...
Player (thinking): What should I ask the new girls?
CHOICE: How are you girls feeling so far?
Kelly: Honestly babe, I was born for this. I've been wasted on Kinsale, like. I belong here.
CHOICE: So... what's your gameplan?
Kelly: I don't have a gameplan, but I just know I'll make waves in here.
CHOICE: Are you two nervous about coming into the Villa so late?
Kelly: I was born for this, babe. Why should I be nervous?
Narration: Thabi looks a bit embarrassed.
Thabi: What about you, Tiffany?
Tiffany: I'm just here to enjoy myself, really. That's the plan. Anything more is a bonus.
Thabi: That's fair.
Narration: Thabi whisks you all away to the gym, and starts gesturing to certain pieces of equipment. She runs her hand affectionately along each machine as she goes.
Thabi: And this...
Narration: She pauses for dramatic effect.
Thabi: Is the gym. Here you will find me, diligently maintaining my physique… While the boys sit around nattering, doing just enough to keep their vanity muscles.
Narration: You all laugh.
Kelly: Love gym life! Especially the fits.
Tiffany: Oh no. Every time I step foot in a gym, I get flashbacks to my squat-obsession phase. I was getting thick and I was loving it... but my gym shorts weren't. First set of deep squats, I hear a little tear. Think nothing of it. But by the third set... mid-squat my shorts just came apart at the seams. It was not a good day to go commando, I'll tell you that.
Narration: Kelly looks horrified. Thabi is snorting with laughter.
Player (thinking): Tiffany ripped her shorts mid-squat in a gym…
CHOICE: The exact same thing happened to me!
Tiffany: No way!
Player: Yes way!
Tiffany: Legend.
Narration: Tiffany gives you a stinging high five.
CHOICE: That's a real tragedy
Tiffany: I know. Those poor poor gym shorts... RIP.
CHOICE: That's why I wear granny pants under my gym shorts
Narration: Tiffany laughs and shrugs.
Tiffany: I'd rather let it breathe and take the risk.
Narration: You whizz by the kitchen.
Thabi: This is the kitchen. AKA where Bruno's oats sleep.
Narration: Kelly looks back longingly towards the kitchen as Thabi leads you into the next room. As you enter the dressing room, Thabi nudges you.
Thabi: Hey, assistant. Want to help me with this one?
Player: Of course!
Narration: Thabi gestures around the room.
Thabi: This is the dressing room...
Player (thinking): Where we…
CHOICE: ... do our make-up
Narration: Tiffany nods.
Kelly: It's so cluttered in here! Where will I fit all my make-up?
Thabi: There's a spare dresser over there.
Narration: Kelly pouts.
Tiffany: This reminds me of really bad date I had a couple years back… We met at a gig, and it was our third date.
CHOICE: ... gossip
Kelly: Ooh, I love to gossip.
Narration: Tiffany is wandering around the room, looking at the makeup lying around.
Tiffany: This reminds me of really bad date I had a couple years back… We met at a gig, and it was our third date.
CHOICE: ... trade dating horror stories
Tiffany: Ooh, I've got one... But maybe I should save it for later.
Thabi: Now, now!
Tiffany: I was on a third date with a lad I met at a gig once.
Narration: We'd really hit it off, and we'd just gotten back to mine and were about to... do the deed. When he pulls back and says to me, ‘Sorry, can you put on some make-up or something, please?’ So that was how he met his end.
Kelly: You're joking...
Thabi: How dare he?
Player (thinking): A guy once told Tiffany to put make-up on…
CHOICE: What a horrible thing to say
Tiffany: I know, right?
CHOICE: I'm so sorry that happened to you
Narration: Tiffany smiles at you.
Tiffany: Oh I set him straight, don't you worry.
CHOICE: I need his name and address
Player: For reasons I cannot lawfully disclose.
Narration: Tiffany laughs.
Tiffany: Oh I set him straight, don't you worry.
Thabi: Finally we have the bedroom.
Kelly: Where all the magic happens, I bet.
Narration: Kelly winks at you.
Thabi: Actually, the magic tends to happen anywhere you can find some quiet.
Player: Thabi! Get in!
Narration: You all start giggling. Thabi flops down on one of the beds. Everyone else follows suit.
Tiffany: This is cosy.
Player (thinking): This is my chance to ask the new girls who they're interested in… What should I ask Kelly and Tiffany?
CHOICE: Any of the boys caught your eye yet?
CHOICE: What's your type on paper?
CHOICE: If we had a recoupling right now, who would you pick?
Narration: Tiffany laughs.
Tiffany: Wow, straight into it, aren't we?
Kelly: Yeah, that'd be telling, wouldn't it?
Kelly: Don't want to give too much away. This is a game after all.
Tiffany: No, no. I don't mind. Honestly... Youcef seems like the kind of guy I'd go for. Will's really good looking, but I'm not sure how well we'd click. No disrespect.
Kelly: Alright, I'll fess up. Youcef is definitely in the running. And Tom ticks all the boxes. Sorry, babe. Just being real.
Thabi: I think it's time to get back to the others...
Thabi: Not fair of us to hog the new girls, eh Player?
Narration: She nudges you.
Player: Sure, let's go.
Narration: You arrive back at the beanbags. None of the Islanders have budged.
Bruno: Have a nice little snoop, ladies?
Tiffany: Only through your personals.
Narration: Bruno laughs. Just as Kelly and Tiffany go to sit down, Tiffany's phone goes off.
Tiffany: Text! Oh wait… Kelly, come here for a sec?
Narration: Tiffany beckons Kelly over and shows her the text.
Kelly: Ooh, exciting!
Tiffany: Kelly, shh!
Kelly: Whoops!
Tiffany: Sorry, guys. We'll be back in a bit, we just have to… Have a chat...
Narration: Tiffany and Kelly gallop off to the Lovers' Nook.
[your partner]: What was that about?
Player (thinking): Tiffany and Kelly must have got a secret text…
CHOICE: Maybe they've got a secret challenge?
Angie: Well they did a great job of keeping it under wraps.
James: What if it's about a recoupling?
CHOICE: I hope it's not a recoupling…
CHOICE: I don't know but I don't like it
James: What if it's about a recoupling?
Valentina: Or someone getting voted off…
Player (thinking): Tiffany did say she thought Will was really good looking… Kelly did say Tom was her type… I wish I knew who Kelly and Tiffany are interested in...
Narration: Thabi starts biting her nails.
Youcef: Well, there's no point worrying about it until the milk spills. Or however, that saying goes.
Tom: Yeah, I'm sure it'll all be fine!
Angie: So, what do we all think of the new girls so far?
Player (thinking): What do I think of the new girls?
CHOICE: I like Kelly
Player: She seems fun.
Valentina: Yeah, me too. But...
CHOICE: I like Tiffany
Player: She's hilarious.
Bruno: Yeah, she's classic.
Valentina: Same, I like Tiffany. Kelly seems fun too. But...
CHOICE: I like them!
Player: Kelly seems fun, and Tiffany's a riot.
Valentina: Yeah, Kelly is fun. But...
CHOICE: I don't trust either of them
Player: They're here to steal one of our boys after all.
Angie: Same.
Bruno: Ah, but Tiffany's a riot!
Valentina: Yeah, and Kelly seems fun too. But…
Valentina/Cora: I'm not on board with her ‘cake artist' identity. I mean, that's a bit cringe, isn't it?
Will: I don't think her art is cringe.
Valentina/Cora: I'm not entirely convinced mixing eggs with flour is an art, to be honest.
Will: Art is about feeling, not materials.
Player (thinking): Looks like Will and Valentina/Cora aren't seeing eye to eye…
CHOICE: I agree with Valentina/Cora
Player: Yeah, I don't think baking is art either.
Narration: Will shrugs.
Narration: Before anyone can say anything else, you see Tiffany and Kelly walking towards the group.
CHOICE: Will's being a bit dramatic
Player: That sounds like an inspirational quote, Will.
Narration: Will shrugs. Before anyone can say anything else, you see Tiffany and Kelly walking towards the group.
CHOICE: I know what Will is getting at
Player: I think Will's trying to say that we don't get to determine how people express themselves creatively.
Narration: Will shrugs. Before anyone can say anything else, you see Tiffany and Kelly walking towards the group.
CHOICE: I'm gonna stay out of this and snuggle [your partner]
Narration: You zone out of the chatter and squeeze in beside [your partner] on their beanbag.
[your partner]: Your beanbag not good enough for you, eh?
Player: Nope. This one looks cosier.
Narration: You nestle down into [your partner]'s arms, resting your head on their chest. Then you catch sight of Kelly and Tiffany walking towards the group.
Narration: They nudge each other and whisper something, as they see you and [your partner].
[your partner]: Well? What was that?
Narration: Kelly winks at you. Then you get a text.
Narrator: Islanders, tomorrow there will be a boys' choice recoupling and one person will be dumped from the Villa.
Narrator: I can't take this suspense. Why does this always happen to me? I just want to know who gets dumped! Next time on Love Island, Youcef loses it… [your partner] is in for a surprise… And one unlucky Islander gets dumped...