The first time Seamus met heartbreak was after a Gryffindor-Hufflepuff match, when among the cheers of the happy crowd, he could see Dean's lips on Ginny's. He hadn't known how to call it, the feeling of his stomach turning into stone and his throat twisting in a painful knot, so he merely looked away and forced a smile.
"Why are you crying?" Neville asked beside him, his brows furrowed in confusion.
"I'm just…just happy Gryffindor won," he said, quickly wiping his cheeks with his sleeve.
"But–but we still have to beat Slytherin to win the cup," Neville said as Seamus walked away.
He didn't stay in the common room to celebrate their victory that evening. He had never been less interested in the smuggled firewhisky Fred and George provided, or the bacon and tomato sandwiches stolen from the kitchens. Instead, Seamus stayed in the dorm, sitting on the edge of his bed and waiting for what would inevitably come. Sure enough, Dean came into the room, bustling with joy.
"I did it! I asked her to be my girlfriend," he said, big bright smile on his face as he sat on his bed across Seamus's. "She said yes!"
"I didn't know you were gonna ask her," he murmured, his hands fisting the bed covers. "Didn't even know you fancied her that much."
"Well, it was sort of in the heat of the moment, you know."
No, Seamus didn't know. He didn't want to know. Still, he listened to everything Dean told him. From how pretty Ginny's hair was and how perfect their kiss had been, to the plans he had for their first official date and what type of flowers he wanted to conjure for her. Because that's what friends do, they listen.
He was a friend when Dean raved about all the things he liked about Ginny, when he told him about the first time Ginny and him sneaked in an empty classroom late at night. A friend when Dean told him he was falling in love and, much to Seamus' regret, a friend was all he would ever be.
Heartbreak knocked on his door again. This time when the sadness in Dean's eyes became too much to bear, when his smile dimmed day after day.
"I don't know what her deal is, mate" he said. "Whatever I do she picks a fight and stops talking to me for days. It's like she's looking for excuses to not be with me."
It would've been easy to bad mouth Ginny, to convince him to break up with her, but Seamus couldn't. Not when he knew how happy she made Dean, how soft he became when he thought about her. Seamus wanted to see that look on Dean's face again, the one that brought out the beauty of his smile and the star-like twinkle to his eyes; no matter if the reason behind it wasn't Seamus himself.
With a heavy weight on his heart, and knowing he would probably regret it later, he tried to speak with Ginny one morning.
"It's just that he likes you so much, and…," he had murmured, looking down to his untouched breakfast plate. "I just want to see him smile again."
"It's sweet that you worry about him, but whatever's going on with Dean and I is our business to deal with, not yours." She gave him an apologetic smile as she stood up from her seat. "And it doesn't really affect you, anyway."
'Oh, but it does,' he thought as he watched her leaving the Great Hall. He knew there wasn't much more he could do or say, but whatever happened, he would be there for Dean, just like a true friend should.
Ginny ended up breaking up with Dean, but apparently, it wasn't as bad Seamus had thought it would be. Now that she was out of the equation, Dean eventually became more relaxed, more cheerful… more Dean.
Deep down, Seamus had to admit he was thrilled by this. The afternoons playing gobstones were back, the jokes during breakfast, the chats by the lake, the looks of complicity during class...it was all back, but this time, there was something else. Something else in Dean's eyes when he looked into his, a sort of intimacy that hadn't been there before. He kept reminding himself he shouldn't read too much into it, but he couldn't help it. Every time they laid a bit too close on the grass to watch the sunset, every time Dean leaned down to whisper a silly secret into his ear, a spark inevitably lighted up in Seamus's chest.
But dark and frightful times arose, and after a long, disquieting summer, heartbreak made another appearance. Dean wasn't there to cross the 9¾'s barrier with him, to hold his hand when the Dementors searched the Hogwarts Express, sucking the happiness from them. Days turned into weeks, and the sight of Dean's empty bed beside his own hurt more than any punishment from the Carrows.
That one night, when Dean came out of the secret passageway in the Room of Requirement, the tiny bubble of hope that had kept him going burst and filled him with a happinesses that made his knees weak.
A hug in the middle of frantic cheers, a tiny kiss when everyone looked the other way, their hands softly touching…. It gave him the courage, the energy to fight for them, for the friends, for the future.
'And heartbreak, old friend, hopefully it will be a long time before we meet again.'
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