Random 2:43 am things.
I am beautiful. I am strong. I'm not model pretty but I am big mac pretty.
It's funny how dreams can effect you personally, I'm a plus size girl, big boned never really small. I've struggled with my weight, eating, not really doing much to stay active. I even tried to but it was hard for so use to the junk I ate that I didn't care because to me it meant i was 'Heathy". Over the years that remainded in my head lately, what if I was small? What if I try to lose weight to fit in? would I be accepted more?
Sure I can go through all that hard work to become thinner, I can exercise, eat better but would that make me feel better about myself? Probably/not. The other day, someone told me how sweet I am not in appearance but in personality and that made me smile, because someone liked me briefly, not for my appearance but my personality. It made me feel good.
Then it dawned on me, many people in the world struggles with weight like me, thinking negative and feeling as if they're a plague because some assholes think we are too 'fat', and for a time I was better off you know...that maybe people who I didn't know were right that I and my weight are a plague and must be cured. I can spend the rest of my life depressed by words of people i didn't really know or I can gather good thoughts and put those ahead of the negative ones. All my life I've been trying to make others happy, strangers, but I should be making myself happy.
Despite my weight, despite how much I wanna be thin and fit in, it's not me. I know I can lose a few pounds but would that change people? NO. I love making people smile, i love being able to make them or myself laugh, because that is how I was raised, i was raised to be different. I don't have to prove a thing to people IRL because I'll always be me, always be big. I am also gonna still make sure everyone is happy, laugh, and knows that despite what I go through, I care about you. I love myself and I do not care anymore what strangers think about me, how they stare because I'm a big girl, what is important to me, is those who stay.
I am beautiful. I am strong. I'm not model pretty I am big mac pretty.
