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I Am Trying Not To Tell Stories Or At Any Rate Not This One wednesday

It Only Hurts When I Think!

my therapist genuinely being mad/frustrated/angry at me for being in denial is making me feel so fucking awful lol. i literally opened the session saying “i am not in denial i know it happened and here are issues i’m dealing with because of it” and she still did an irritated rant at me unprompted about how frustrated she is that i’m in denial and she doesn’t know what i want from her and doesn’t know what my problem is basically

snowseals

also yesterday when she, again unprompted, said that my denial and obsessing over all the reasons i could just be imagining it is “FAR beyond typical for trauma” like wow thanks. i feel so much more broken and insane than i already did

#i really do not have like an unusual level of attachment to her as a therapist but it hurts really really bad #to have her be actually mad at me for this and be so irritated that she doesnt want to see me anymore after for 5 years

my therapist genuinely being mad/frustrated/angry at me for being in denial is making me feel so fucking awful lol. i literally opened the session saying “i am not in denial i know it happened and here are issues i’m dealing with because of it” and she still did an irritated rant at me unprompted about how frustrated she is that i’m in denial and she doesn’t know what i want from her and doesn’t know what my problem is basically

#i need one more session to wrap up important things but oh my god. i cant anymore

i feel like season 3 yasmin

#and have for the past 9 months. except sometimes i feel like seasons 1 or 2 yasmin

i swear i think almost all my unexplained physical health issues since december (minus i guess the pain meds after wisdom tooth removal initially destroying my stomach) have just been from processing trauma and digging all that stuff up in my brain. like i know that my body freaks the fuck out about it since when i got flooded with the repressed emotions etc in feb 2025 i got tachycardia within 5 days and could barely sleep. my stomach issues and most of the fatigue is gone but i’m still getting the headaches and random bruising (figured out the bruises only show up after i have emotional flashbacks/breakdowns. i’m not hitting myself or anything like literally just the severe emotional and psychological stress apparently causes me to get bruises on my arms and legs) now i keep getting insomnia so bad despite being exhausted and i have an unexplained itchy mild rash on my arms and my breathing is weird and my body feels vaguely uncomfortable in an unexplainable way literally all the time and its so hard to sleep or relax because of it.