Grins and Lies: Black Emotional Survival
"We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties."
Above is an excerpt from the 120 year old poem We Wear The Mask by poet Paul Laurence Dunbar. I wonder if, 120 years ago, Mr. Dunbar knew his piece would still be relevant today. The mask that he speaks of is ever-present in my daily life. The Mask that 'grins and lies' speaks to my experience of operating in public spaces and attempting to be non-threatening.
It's my experience when I go to work and try extremely hard to not show how deeply affected I am by these events in order to save face because I do not want to come off as too emotional or too angry. It's not that my co-workers expect me to be emotionless, it's the internalized message I have that angry/emotional = threatening. When I see people that fit my same stature get gunned down for less, it's hard not to filter/ dull my emotions. And when I go through my day with virtually nobody around me seeming to be as affected as I feel, it’s hard to feel comfortable even bringing the topic up.
It's my experience when I have to deal with random people, friends, and even my own family members telling me that they don't want me to post about these things when I'm "emotional" because the way I write shows my emotions and doesn't get the message across as well. Even more so, people will attempt to say that if I took time to cool off, maybe my posts wouldn't alienate people, but rather bring them together.
Apparently, showing emotion in these situations is not okay. Being angry and not wanting to engage with people who are spewing racism, even after multiple attempts to engage with them on a respectful level, is not okay. Yes, it is emotionally exhausting to post about all the injustices happening in the world. Yes, it is emotionally exhausting to spend time attempting to engage in conversations with folks who refuse to change their mindset about these injustices. That said, not posting about it, not showing my emotions, and not using the voice I have--while I do have it--is not an option for me anymore.
I haven't engaged in writing in almost two months due to attempting to figure out what exactly people wanted from me. I post my writings, people share them, comment on them, and tell me they appreciate me for posting them; but each time there are people who would rather me not post...people who would rather me not engage in these topics because they are "too serious" or "do not affect my daily life."
For a while, I let those voices silence me from wanting to engage in these topics. I watched as injustices were happening and stayed silent in attempts to not rock the boat. I stayed silent on my Facebook and in most of my personal conversations because I did not want people to think that all I am capable of doing is being an "angry Black man" that has nothing better to do than post about social justice.
But you know what, I am angry. I am sad. I am frightened; I'm not going to settle for less than the rights we all deserve as humans and I'm not going to stay silent as we continue to push for said human rights.
While Dunbar's poem is just 120 years old, the mask he speaks of is much older than that, and I am sure will continue being present for years to come. As a society, we've taken attempts at chipping away pieces of that mask; however, it is not enough and seems like we've instead added layers to said mask.
The mask is thicker now as people "do not see racism" in their everyday lives, so they say.
I engaged with an acquaintance the other day who told me oppression was over. They went on to say that because oppression was over, we should no longer have Black History Month or Pride festivals as they separate us from being one race. It turned into the typical "there's not a white history month" or "straight pride festival" so why should there be a black history month or LGBTQ+ pride festival. *Insert eye roll* I do not even have time to engage with this argument right now, but literally read any book/ article/ conversation piece on the necessity for Pride and Black History Month then we'll talk.
The mask is thicker now as technology has advanced enough where we can see direct evidence of injustice happening in front of our faces, but mindsets have not advanced enough to acknowledge what we are seeing. People will watch a video of a man standing next to his car, walking with his hands up, and eventually being shot dead and still say "well what did he do to be shot?"
People will read the story of a 13 year old kid with a BB gun who was killed by police and say "Well he shouldn't have been holding the BB gun--and also he was robbing people with two other suspects so I don’t see the problem."
So you mean to tell me that a man can go into a church, kill 9 people, and be rewarded with burger king on his way to jail, but cops cannot detain a 13 year old, 4ft 11' tall 95 pound child?
You mean to tell me police can capture someone who planted bombs that injured 29 people with nothing but a gunshot wound to him, but they somehow can't keep a man who had a stalled car in the middle of the road alive for more than a minute?
That is unacceptable. Unacceptable isn't even enough--both situations are deplorable. The fact that people can see videos of unjust killings and read autopsy reports that say the victim was shot dead while running away from police, but somehow still find excuses or reasons why these citizens should be dead is astonishing.
Over 780 people have been killed by the police this year already. If you take a good, hard look at what The Guardian has put together, you can see not only the sheer number of people killed by police broken up by race, but also you can change the data to show the number per million. Looking at that data will show that Native Americans and Black Americans are killed at a disproportionate rate than their white counterparts. By the end of 2015, 7.66 Black people per million will killed by police, 5.49 Native Americans were killed by police juxtaposed against the 2.93 number of White Americans killed by police. In 2016, right now we're at 5.49 Native per million, 4.83 Black per million, and 1.93 White people per million. Before you say "well that doesn't seem like a lot of people," compare these numbers to other countries. In the last 24 years, there have been 55 fatal killings by police in England and Wales. In the first 24 days of 2015, 59 people will killed by police.
The numbers alone show a couple things:
1.) The sheer amount of killings by police is crying out for reform. (1146 at the end of 2015, and we're at 787 right now in 2016.)
2.) These numbers show that people of color are killed at a disproportionate rate compared to their white counterparts, and that is why people are calling for action.
Whether you support #BlackLivesMatter or not, you should be alarmed at the amount of violence and police killings our country has compared to other countries. When will this senseless violence end in this great nation that is supposedly the land of the free?
I've said it before and I'll say it again, not all cops are bad; I wholeheartedly believe that. That said, when you have cops who are so damn trigger happy that they are killing citizens of this country without as much as batting an eye, I begin to question my belief that not all of them are bad. Why do we not see more cops speaking out against these rogue cops who are making the rest of them look bad? Why are more cops not receiving actual consequences for their actions rather than paid vacations? The message it sends is that these cop's lives are valued more than the citizens they killed because they were supposedly in danger.
And here come the 'blue lives matter' folks talking about how nobody cares that cops put their lives in danger every day to protect our lives. Let me spell it out to you, cops choose to do that. They go to work every day putting their life on the line knowing they may not come home at night, and I have nothing but respect for them for making that choice.
Private citizens, especially our minority citizens that may have this fear more solidified in them and supported by the statistics, should not leave their house one day wondering if they are going to come home that evening. They should not have to leave the house and wonder if a routine traffic stop, a stalled car in the road, complying with demands, selling cigarettes on the corner, playing with a toy gun in the park, or even running away will lead to their death.
We have got to do better as an entire country. People want to cry around about getting back to the good ol' days when "everyone got along." Well, point me to those days because the further back we go in history, the more rights our marginalized citizens lose. I'm writing this post as I'm grown tired of the "Make America Great Again" folks who refuse to see that America has never been great, and until we take a good, critical look at our countries policies and call for change, things are never going to be great.
What we need is not an erasure of the consistent injustices we face as minority citizens. We need white people and 'Merica lovin' folks to be JUST AS OUTRAGED about senseless violence and police killings as they are with Colin K and everyone else that is protesting the national anthem.
"When we protest, you riot. When we're killed, you're quiet."
We do not need silence anymore, we never did. We must speak out against these injustices if we are going to even pretend to do better as a nation. If you really love America, if you really want to fight to honor the flag and call for people to respect it and the freedom it gives us, you will take off your rose-colored glasses, push out your "racism is over" thoughts, and open your ears to listen to people of color as they call for human rights.
You will open your ears and use your power and privilege to fight for the same rights many of you have been granted since birth. As a citizen of this country, I have to hope for a better tomorrow. I have to hope that people will start to listen and rather than erasing the problems of minorities, they will open their hearts and minds to help address them and fight alongside us for our rights.
It is 2016 and I can still sit down with my Granny and have the same conversations she was having about racism 60+ years ago that we are having now. While so many people want to think that our countries dark past is so many years ago and that it's time to move on, you do not get to build a country of the backs' of Native Americans and Black People, put minorities in internment camps, cramp them into the same areas within cities, deny them access to the same quality education as white citizens, deny them access to the same clean resources and facilities for years, for it all to just be magically better because we have "moved on."
Unfortunately, that's not how this works nor is it ever how it worked. Our countries original atrocities not only play into the narrative we have weaved for today's society, but if we do not act swiftly and begin to make changes, we are going to begin weaving the web for tomorrow's society, too--and quite frankly, I believe we already have.
At this point, the only way I see this getting better is a good, honest look at where we are as country, where we would like to be, and coming together to make that vision a reality.
Because right now, after watching a 12 year Tamir Rice shot by police last year, and 13 year old Tyre King shot by police last week, how can I feel the world is safe for my 11-year old nephews who fit the same size/ stature of these boys who were described as men, or my almost 7 year old nephew who many people already see as older than he is now when I've watched the people who are supposed to protect us kill Tamir and Tyre, and get a paid vacation after doing so?
Cops must hold each other accountable, and as citizens we need to continue to hold a high-bar for our law enforcement as we strive to take this country on the path to freedom--because until all of our citizens can live here without fear that they will be killed by those who are supposed to protect, I do not believe we are truly free.
