My Mind.

Words are just words, until feelings are involved. 

[5hiny8laze2ombie]

palm_mall

[remanence-of-love]

[brok3np4radise-deactivated20250]

You cannot make everyone think and feel as deeply as you do. This is your tragedy … because you understand them, and they do not understand you.

Daniel Saint

[societyzrule]

🫣🥺

[5hiny8laze2ombie]

shazdidthis

[5hiny8laze2ombie]

strangers-in-paris

[shitpostinguniverse]

[everythingstarstuff]

[societyzrule]

What words would you write on my Facebook wall?

Would you say we were close and had been through it all?

Would you post scattered pictures of times we had, and tell everybody who comments how you’re so sad.

You wish you could message me,

You wish you could call,

You wish wish wish, but don’t mean it at all.

Because wishing is like “sorry”, only actions show truth

But when I was alive I’d never heard from you.

I never got a call

I never got a message

I never got a tag

You wrote me but never sent it,

And that’s okay cause we all got lives,

But don’t show up when I lose mine.

Love in the moment, message your friends, call your family.

[societyzrule]

Why am I here?

I guess it’s easy for anybody to wonder, “Why am I here?”

What is my importance? I have no ambition, I have no inspiration, I have no desire for things I once loved so passionately. I used to have friends I could turn to, but my mental illness has pushed them all into the furthest corner away from any “Hey what’s up?” text ever again. I spent my time with the entirely wrong person for 4 years in which 3 of those years I spent wondering why I was with that person. I guess I sort of folded the red flags and put them away in my pocket using them to wipe every tear after every argument we ever had, I mean I had enough of them to avoid reusing the same one, but It still wasn’t enough to let myself run away from what would become more trauma bonding. I only come to write about shitty things I am feeling, and right now I am feeling a lot of shitty things. I tried to make a song, that didn’t work, every time I watch anew show, I get 3 or 4 episodes in and find myself  prisoner to my phone looking for another distraction away from the distraction of the show because my brain is always doing 5 things at once instead of what I want it to do. I can’t really do a lot anymore. I got the love of my life back and she has the absolute worst version of me. My personality has faded, I don’t even know who I am sometimes. I feel like I am supposed to have an asthetic, or a type of personality that is all in like one category but I don’t. I like things I like. I like some anime, but I don’t watch anime, I like wearing quirky clothing but somehow that was overshadowed by my ex trying to dress me, so now i just feel stupid in my button downs that I love so much. I used to feel free about these things, I used to feel so open to different styles and clothing and it’s almost like I have to break free again. These are the LEAST of the problems that I have in my life. I feel like a child. Always needing help from someone. My parents are constantly helping, my sister, my brother, now my girlfriend. How am I supposed to repay them? My finger nails are seemingly peeling back from the amount of struggle i am projecting to keep myself atleast close to the top of this endless hole I have fallen into. I know “That’s life”, “Welcome to the real world”. “You’re an adult”. Yes I fucking know but I feel like I am not. I feel like at very young age I was shoved into this forced box of adult hood thinking I was still being a kid, and my feelings at that age are supposed to be what they were, but in all reality, I just grew up too fast. atleast that little part of my brain did. The part where the trauma happened. I’t like an endless battle of “How the fuck do I get ride of this?”. You just don’t. I guess I am here because I am here. I am here because I am supposed to be. My little quarentine buddy was unexpectedly picked up by her “Other Parent” last night so now I have just had time to think. I am extremely happy I am here. I am grateful and unconditionally in love with being my baby’s mother. I got used to the co parenting routine and after having her for over a week straight, I guess I got out of that routine and just wish I had her all of the time. Unfortunately I cant. Hopefully the mental abuse doesnt transfer to her. I never want her to think I don’t want her. It is my biggest fear. I always wanted her. I guess this concludes this because now I am just barreling towards a whole different subject. 

[just-shower-thoughts]

Life doesn’t end at 23. 30 isn’t old. Fetishising youth as the ultimate desirable characteristic in a person is actively harmful to both young and old people. Some of us lost our teenage years to abuse and recovery, and can only begin living when we’re at a different life stage.

[nintendometro]

[thevisualdon]

‘Floating In Space’

by Visualdon

[5hiny8laze2ombie]

[societyzrule]

About 2 years ago I played my first show at an LGBT+ friendly bar, I felt so much support, I felt like I belonged somewhere and that people actually supported me with no ill will. Never have I played a show and gotten so much sharing, and support from people I didn’t know, but sadly those people weren’t as “supportive” as I thought. I grew up in a town where I didn’t have a wide variety of lgbt folk, so when I got the support, likes and shares on social media I didn’t think twice about it. Then it just stopped and I recently found out why. I never talked to anyone at those shows except for my family or my ex when she’d go with me, my anxiety is much larger than my stage presence. The fact that just because people shared my stuff on their social media meant they apperently were sleeping with me, makes me sad and sick. I appreciated the support, but the fact that those shows slowed, and that support died down because of disgusting roomers like that leaves a hole where I could have trusted making new friends. So fuck you for thinking I am that type of person, and fuck everyone who sits and believes the lies that are told about me. Don’t ever add me to your sorry life’s drama. I don’t belong there. I’ve held this in for too long.

[vaporwavie]

F Y O U

Source

[societyzrule]

“Took my life

While starin’ at a picture of you, wanted to die with the most beautiful view.

Flawless and gone, It’s all I had,

A still frame portrait laying in my hand.”

Future me

[societyzrule]

This insomnia is killing me, Every breath is a rhythm. The beat to my insanity, Attempted murder of the brain, In the 3rd degree.