Taking active steps to get over people pleasing is so difficult and the craziest part is everytime you take a small step towards being yourself and not trying to please someone, it feels like you are doing something wrong. Changing your thought pattern, feeling safe in making decisions that make YOU happy are surprisingly not easy. At the end, all of this hardwork also has no reward if you don't prioritize your inner happiness. Over the last couple months I've lost a lot of friendships. Two friends who I was especially very close to and cared about a lot despite knowing that they a) took me for granted or b) kept expecting so much from me that nothing was ever enough. When I chose to consciously step away from these friendships rather than reflecting on what they might have done wrong I was blamed for not speaking up about my discomforts sooner. When things are coming to an end and extreme decisions are being made, people will question you why you haven't taken the preventative measures earlier, why did you not confront, is it really worth to lose a friendship, aren't you being too harsh, where is this coming from, nothing really happened so why now suddenly? And all I can say is that it took me a while to realize that my mere feelings of discontent are enough to step away from people and it doesn't have to make sense to anyone else as long as it makes sense to me. Time is precious but so is my energy. After realizing that life isn't supposed to be so hard and friendships don't have to be so demanding and just being yourself is enough, you will realize how much low quality shit you are putting up with because you called yourself "dramatic" instead of honoring your emotions. Society tells us to adapt and be positive, stop dwelling on the negative so much. But the real truth is, negativity is as important as positivity. I'm grateful for these people that have come into my life and showed me that my self-worth was so low that I couldn't step away from people that didn't support me. So now I've decided to start over, build trust with myself, stopped dismissing my emotions and start creating those boundaries. At the end of the day, YOU are the prize and the value of it will remain high when you start valuing yourself and keep those around that also value you. No one outside of yourself will determine who you are except for your behaviors. So what & who are you willing to put up with?
