[soiwatchthestars]

quick selfie before i go insane again <3

[soiwatchthestars]

i hate being alive i hate it i hate this i hate existing i hate having this body and i hate living in this world and i wish i'd never been forced into it i hate it all so much i feel sick

[soiwatchthestars]

begging and pleading. someone please help me. get me out of here. run away with me. take me so far away from everything that feels familiar before it kills me

[macabrevampire]

it probably feels good as fuck to have the energy to live

[ttaibhse]

i’m undiagnosing everyone’s everything. congratulations we are all free

[soiwatchthestars]

i feel like i'm not going to survive this

[soiwatchthestars]

hey quick question no pressure but i also need an answer in the next 5 seconds

[soiwatchthestars]

am i fundamentally unlovable. is it possible to love someone like me. is there a future for me that involves any form of love, romantic or platonic. i feel like it would fix me but i fear it is impossible

[soiwatchthestars]

hey quick question no pressure but i also need an answer in the next 5 seconds

[cigss]

[soiwatchthestars]

doctors appointment today. they've taken me off citalopram which is good, but they've put me back on what I was on before which they cannot guarantee won't have the thing that I'm allergic too in it. at this point I don't really care as long as it stops me from feeling the way I feel right now.

had to lie and say I didn't feel like killing myself even though it is all I can think about. she asked my family anyway to handle my meds for a while so idk if she could tell I was lying lol

they've also put me on beta blockers bc my anxiety sent my heart rate so high. I didn't know it was possible to hear someone's heart beating from feet away but I've been told it was disgusting lol

i feel awful. feel like a shell of a person. feel like I've gone away and there's nothing left and I don't know what to do

[soiwatchthestars]

im so stupid an ambulance is coming

[soiwatchthestars]

anxiety so bad everyone in the room heard my heart pounding and got so freaked out they've called an ambulance pls help me is this normal

[soiwatchthestars]

i have to go to hospital lmao

[soiwatchthestars]

got back from the hospital around 1am. hearts fine lol. traumatised my family bc going unresponsive made them think i was dead and the guilt is eating me alive. apparently the sound of my heart beating so fast and so loudly was disgusting lmao

[soiwatchthestars]

another bad day. it nearly happened again. I didn't know it was physically possible to be at this level of anxiety at all times and I'm terrified

[saepphire]

[soiwatchthestars]

im so stupid an ambulance is coming

[soiwatchthestars]

anxiety so bad everyone in the room heard my heart pounding and got so freaked out they've called an ambulance pls help me is this normal

[soiwatchthestars]

i have to go to hospital lmao

[soiwatchthestars]

got back from the hospital around 1am. hearts fine lol. traumatised my family bc going unresponsive made them think i was dead and the guilt is eating me alive. apparently the sound of my heart beating so fast and so loudly was disgusting lmao

[soiwatchthestars]

im so stupid an ambulance is coming

[soiwatchthestars]

anxiety so bad everyone in the room heard my heart pounding and got so freaked out they've called an ambulance pls help me is this normal

[soiwatchthestars]

i have to go to hospital lmao

[soiwatchthestars]

im so stupid an ambulance is coming

[soiwatchthestars]

anxiety so bad everyone in the room heard my heart pounding and got so freaked out they've called an ambulance pls help me is this normal

[soiwatchthestars]

im so stupid an ambulance is coming

[soiwatchthestars]

it hurts so much every second is unbearable what am I supposed to do