Gather round everyone, I am going to talk to you aboutĀ gender policing on tumblr indie rp dot comĀ (and elsewhere but Iām specifically going to talk about it here)
So when I was actively looking for new rp partners, I found a small contingent of people being really particular aboutĀ gender bends verses trans versions and it always struck me as a little strange and also a little cruel! Accidentally cruel but cruel nonetheless.
So to start with, Iām nonbinary. Iāve known since high school I was gender fluid/nonbinary. Since then I have determined that i donāt want to physically transition but that doesnāt negate my gender experience etc. etc. So this is my personal experience.
But you know whats really cool that Iāve seen over the years? People discover andĀ rediscover themselves over time!Ā For every person who knew at a young age, there are always a couple who ā¦ maybe they knewā¦ but they were afraid, or maybe they knewā¦but they were in denialā¦ or maybe they knewā¦butā¦ all sorts of things!
This happens with gender as well as sexuality. Learning who you are is a long, scary, process and (spoiler alert) it doesnāt stop at 17 or 20 or 25. Everyone gets the joy of discovery throughout their life.
Personally, I find this really cool. I feel the upmost elation when someone messages meĀ āSoā¦.I just wanted to let you knowā¦ā. If I could I would host small balls for people to celebrate their new understanding, their continuing journey.
So what does this have to do withĀ Indie RP?
So before I got tired of people going passive-aggressive in the tags over people trying to connect I noticed a common thread in rules
You canāt do genderbends, ew
Write trans characters or your a coward
But if youāre not trans you canāt write a trans character or a genderbend
Okay so lets first unpack thisĀ
While sometimes genderbends can be self indulgent, if you take the concept seriously there can be some major differences in how a character might be from cis canon gender, to cis genderbend, to trans. If a character comes from a particularly patriarchal culture a cis male character could get away with saying things that a cis female version of the same character could not. Then if you take a trans versionādoes that culture understand trans experience or not? And that can influence how a character perceives themselves or not. While all three versions might have similar bases and similar character traits, those traits (and how they view themselves) could be vastly different!
They could also be the same but it really depends on the situation, how a background might change, and how perceptions of a character change. The 1960s verses 2010 have somewhat different expectations and understandings (not to mention head canons on the magical world!)
So first and foremost, while a character who is cis but gender bent can be different then how a trans perspective of a character might be played and I would say there is still great value in exploring those aspects. You donāt have to like everyones pov or style but acknowledging there can be value costs nothing.
But What About TRANS PEOPLEĀ
Okay soā¦ I understand someone playing a genderbend verses a trans character might hurt some people. Everyone yearns to find and see representations of their experiences in writing. (See me if you want some scifi /fantasy LGBT readsāor at least links to where you can buy them)
But lets go back to my first area of discussion: people learn about themselves atĀ differentĀ times and in different ways.
People who are scared but want to explore parts of themselves might not want to go straight to playing THEIR FAV CHARACTER as trans. That could be too close to something they arenāt ready to deal with right then or it could be something thats not on their radar yet. Instead, a safe option might be to genderbendā¦
And maybe later they realize,Ā āyou know, I might not be cis after allā ā¦but maybe they donāt!Ā
This is a long ramble, it probably loses track somewhere sometimes but hereās where we land: give people space to explore, offer kindness, know thatĀ everyone fucks up sometimesā¦
but jesus let people breath and try things on their journey that costs nothing. Dictating only one true wayĀ is the easiest way to hurt someone who is just trying to grow.
