SENTENCE MEME ⟶ SINGLE PARENTS / 1.15 –– 1.16
always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.
“Hands off, old man! This is my lasagna!”
“The flowers you sent had aphids in them.”
“It took me a week to get them out of my kitchen.”
“I see you’re making a dinner of frozen turkey, light bulbs, pre-sliced radishes, and 12 boxes condoms.”
“Did you get fired? Let me guess: drugs, drinking, aged out?”
“It’s just a side job to make some extra cash.”
“Are you in a pinch? I’d love to help out any way I can.”
“Fill this cart with ground beef and I’ll meet you at the birthday cakes.”
“It got me feeling all frisky.”
“Valentine’s is for dopes.”
“It’s just a cash-grab cooked up by the crepe paper industry.”
“I wanted to write her something personal, but alas I was a coward.’
“That sounds like tomorrow’s problem.”
“Okay, everybody go to sleep or just lie there with your eyes closed.”
“Until then, I will not rest, I cannot rest, and I shall not rest.”
“What do you need from me?”
“I need your wisdom, your honesty, and most of all, your heart.”
“It’s interesting that my kids are friends with you.”
“I can’t watch you suffer through another failed romance with a mediocre man.”
“You’re the only unmarried person here. I hope that doesn’t bother you.”
“It’s just like, why can’t you just be rich?”
“Are you under duress? If so, order a pizza.”
“Get in here and help me steal her phone.”
“Gotta bail [name] out of another jam.”
“So you just want me to wait in the car like a dog?”
“Do you really want me to come, or are you just saying that?”
“He can be overprotective and a little dramatic.”
“Men who take baths are weird.”
“You’re an amazing mom who’s working really hard to make sure her child has a great life.”
“I’m not proud, okay? I’m embarrassed.”
“I gonna do the only thing I can do, and that’s steal her phone.”
“She’s a genius of love, a master of riddles.”
“I’m just a guy who can’t read a clock.”
“If anybody can capture the voice of a 40-year-old woman, it’s me.”
“You’re the one that’s bringing the drama.”
“I’m only here because everyone else you asked said no.”
“Sorry for thinking you actually wanted me around.”
“End-of-life planning isn’t easy, but it can be fun.”
“This is gonna sound crazy, but that game has made me realize that we really aren’t compatible.”
“Someone want to tell me what the hell is going on here?”
“I’m at a low-level freak out at all times.”
“No woman can resist a plush animal.”
“Now get out of here, you handsome little devil.’
“I set out to destroy your relationship.”
“I’m gonna go home and finish a hoagie I got in my fridge.”
“I’m feeling something. I think it’s jealousy?”
“He’s a lovable sad sack.”
“How are you kids so emotionally available?”
“I think you’re pretty remarkable.”
“I can’t quite get my head around this relationship.”
“Are they having a good time or a bad time?”
“Someone want to tell him he has a Cheerio in his hair?”
“He’s even sleeping without a nightlight now.”
“Speaking with a British accent is how she copes with stress.”
“Please tell me you have something else in the advice tank.”
“I know it might not seem like it now, but this will pass.”
“He’s not my most reliable employee.”
“I gotta run errands. Maybe I’ll even get a glass of wine.”
“I’m gonna leave you two to have awkward small talk.”
“It turns out I’m good at this mom thing.”
“There’s a little more to being a mom than that.”
“Kids need boundaries, they need you to be tough. Otherwise, they turn into terrible, entitled people who answer their phone at the movies.”
“They’ve sequestered themselves to different zones of the house.”
“I tried to create a peaceful setting so they could start talking.”
“She gets mad if I don’t pick up on the first ring.”
“I got called away from my first afternoon wine in a decade because you’re having a fight with my kid?”
“The realness was so real that it freaked her out.”
“He’s making fun of her because you are.”
“Kids follow our lead on this kind of stuff.”
“I will not let you become that guy.”
“That guy is the kind of guy I dated all through my 20s. The guy with the American flag shorts who wears a chain unironically.”
“Being in over your head is all a part of parenting.”
“Everything I’m trying it just making things worse.”
“You’re a great actor, but a terrible liar.”
“I just didn’t want to tell you in case it made you feel bad.”
“I love that you’re trying to protect my feelings, but you don’t have to pretend anymore.”
“Sorry about yesterday. I know I was acting weird.”
2087
blakekathryn
ellievsbear
tangentwithtanner
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