Don't ask me anything please

I'll fill out this space soon I promise

[somemonshere]

If I stay, I'll have to try making it work. If I leave, that will be the end for me.

[somemonshere]

I found a dress to wear for my sister's wedding. I like that it's blue so it's within the suggested color scheme. I like how the sleeves are long so it covers the full length of my arms, and a bit poofy so the lack of meat there is not too obvious. Plus, it's not a bad-looking dress. I thought that it's nice enough for a wedding event. Sure, the first dress she found for me when we were thrifting is great with all it's fancy looking sequins, but it's too close to white and it's sleeveless and it's been hard to thrift sleeves that would match it, and I have to have sleeves because I really hate my arms.

I just showed it to my other sister. She said, "It's not it", quite dismissively. That really sucked to hear. It kinda made me cry inside. I wasn't really looking for a "wow" comment, just a "that would work" would've been great.

Maybe my timing wasn't right. She only got back last night from her trip from Italy so maybe she's still feeling frustrated about parts of her experience there. Maybe she just doesn't have it in her yet to say something nice.

Still, whatever the case may be, hearing her dismiss something I was a little excited about was crushing.

[somemonshere]

it's 3:51am and I'm reading through pages and pages of a gossip site

update: it's a couple days later and I still haven't reached the end of the thread yet

[sleepy-bebby]

[somemonshere]

-got bitten by a cat on the 2nd

-my 2nd shot will be tomorrow

-not looking forward to it

-i could've just let it

[somemonshere]

thoughts about last night

[somemonshere]

eh?

[somemonshere]

i love it when the internet can tell you exactly how to do what you should not do

[somemonshere]

there's something with April, ig

[somemonshere]

Going home makes me nervous because it will involve me possibly talking to people and answering questions I'd rather not answer. Quite honestly, I don't think I have the skills to skate that. I've long abandoned the art of striving to be a functioning adult, one who can talk coherently, even at low stress moments.

This isn't going to be one of those low stress moments. So.. considering I can't remember the last time I was able to utter a sentence I was proud of in front of other people...

Ok then. I'll panic later.

[somemonshere]

i say things outloud and the universe decides to be a jerk

[somemonshere]

keyword decide

[somemonshere]

Another day and another episode of me convincing myself I can get my shit together.

[somemonshere]

A reminder of the shittiest flight I ever got on.

[understands]