nightly prayers were as routine as brushing her teeth or braiding her hair before bed. if she had been anywhere else in the world, she wouldn’t need to be reminded, but her time in the bathtub seemingly washed away her thoughts. drowned out any reason, the little of it that she ever had. if she had been a little more worldly, allowed to experience life instead of locked in the proverbial tower since childhood, she’d realize what was happening. she’d realize it was crazy to look for approval from a man that tried to drown her repeatedly, and by his own account, had done that to many people before her.
collie didn’t realize that, though. for her whole life, she’d been bred to follow her mother blindly, to beg and bleed for her mother’s love which mercy marie had been so reluctant to give. or, rather, she gave too freely and then snatched it away again, leaving collie suspended in a void where god’s love—her mother’s love—shone down at random. she never knew it was coming, and she never knew if it would ever return once it left. this was all familiar to her, and it should’ve made her feel ashamed that she so easily slid back into the role of the dutiful, obedient damsel. truth was, it felt comfortable. it felt like home.
her eyes were shut tight, unaware of samuel moving next to her until his hand was underneath her chin. she jumped slightly, eyes snapping open and immediately finding his stern gaze. his thumb brushed her bottom lip. it made her shudder for reasons she didn’t quite understand. kneeling there, samuel looked like a giant towering over her, backlit from the bedside table lamp that glowed behind like a halo. no, he looked like an angel. her mouth went slack with wonder, irises twinkling with leftover tears.
you forgot the most important part, baby. you forgot to give thanks for bringing you to me.
collie gasped once again. gosh, she was being so rude. she had to thank god that samuel was there to correct her. it had been her punishment for disobeying her mother, but god forgave. god gave second chances. every word samuel said burrowed deep inside her brain, nesting there, taking root. she didn’t even realize it—the voice inside her head started to sound less like her mother, and more like samuel. his hand moved from her chin to her hair, petting her like a dog. collie leaned into his palm, nodding solemnly. samuel had done more than scare her, but it was almost like that was a distant memory now. it was more like a scene from a movie, something she might’ve seen as a little girl and could sort of remember what happened, but ultimately happened to someone else. some other girl, dumb enough to get picked up off the side of the road.
special. that was all she had ever wanted to be. ever since she was a child, reading fairytales alone in her room, she dreamt of exactly that: the princess locked in the tower by her evil mother, saved by a true love’s kiss. all she had ever wanted was to be saved. to be special. she wanted to be taught, too. she wanted to know—it was the whole reason she was even there, wasn’t it? the desire to learn something that everyone else knew, to know what it was like in the world outside the small universe she was chained to within the winesap mansion. her only world for twenty-four years. samuel was to be her teacher, to educate her on everything her mother wouldn’t let her learn.
he was saying all the right things. lighting her up from the inside, making her eager to show him just how good she was, how smart she was. special. “i’m sorry, sir.” collie apologized, meaning every word of it. her face was an open expression of eagerness, of gratefulness. right now, there was nothing she wanted more in the world than to thank the lord for bringing her to samuel. to her salvation. collie turned back to the bed, eyes closing. “thank you, lord, for delivering me from wickedness. thank you for delivering me into the strong hands of mister samuel, who will teach me to be better and teach me all the things my mother wouldn’t let me learn. i am but your humble servant, lord, and i will do your bidding here on earth.” her eyes opened again and she looked to samuel, eyes wide and hopeful. “did i do good?”