Got bored and didn’t want to do my uni assignments so here’s this. It is very clearly not written very well but I’m drunk so leave me alone.
The concept of punishment is used in a range of different contexts in many ways, however the basic definition of punishment remains the same, to inflict harmful penalty as a means of negative consequence. Punishment can serve various purposes such as rehabilitation, retribution and dissuasion and although there are many different types of punishment, there is always one constant; There will always be a punisher and there will always be the punished. In this song, the speaker explores punishment as both the punisher and the punished through them inflicting punishment on themself, as well as it being inflicted on them by another.
The original punishment is said to be from the ‘War In Heaven’, where Lucifer is forced out of heaven and into hell, as a result of him turning against God. This story depicts God as the punisher and Lucifer as the punished, which is alluded to in the second verse of the song.
“Whatever’s wrong with me / I will take to bed”
At first, this line can be interpreted as the speaker hiding from their troubles as well as hiding their troubles from the world. There is a sense of guilt that is felt from the line “I will take to bed” which suggests that whatever these issues are, they should be kept personal to the speaker, in the one place only they have access too. This implies that these secrets are perverted in nature and are not to be shared in fear of judgement and punishment.
When looking at this line in context of the rest of the song, it could take on a more carnal meaning with the speaker suggesting that ‘whatever is wrong with them’ is manifested through sexual acts, shared only between them, and the people they take to bed. This also pushes the perverted narrative of the song with sexual desire often being seen as impure and degenerate, especially in religious contexts which is something the speaker has explored thoroughly in previous works such as in the songs “Gibson Girl” and “Family Tree”.
“I give in so easy / Nature chews on me”
This line suggests that the speaker is already being punished for their ‘perverted’ actions with them depicting being chewed on by nature itself, thus amplifying the unnatural and unorthodox theme of the song.
“Little death like lead / Poisonous and heavy / It has always been this way / It has always been this way”
”Little death”, commonly known in French as ‘La Petite mort’, is a metaphor for the sexual orgasm. The speaker describes the orgasm as being “like lead” suggesting that sexual pleasure is in some way toxic and deadly, which the speaker goes on to clarify “poisonous and heavy”. The idea that sex is something to be feared, comes from the religious view that sex belongs to god, and to take sexuality into your own hands should be looked down upon and consequently, punished.
The repetition of the line “It has always been this way” tells us that the speaker is very much aware of the connotations around expressing their sexuality in the way that they do. They understand that it has always been seen as sinful and wrong and in turn, lets us know that despite their understanding of the subject, they still continue to reject these views and choose to embrace it.
These lines could also have a second, yet parallel message as it could be interpreted that the speaker views their own sexual experiences as “poisonous”. Hinting at a sexual deviancy that derives from abuse and suffering from a young age, from as long as they can remember: “It has always been this way”, “It has always been this way”. Suggesting that sex has always been something of a perverted nature, and never experienced by the speaker through love.
“I am punished by love / I am punished by love”
Holding the title of the song, these lines work as a way to encapsulate the message; The speaker is being punished.
The speaker stating that they are being “Punished by love” seems to suggest that “love” is actively causing harm to the speaker, acting as a consequence for their previous sexual actions. The memory and the trauma of their abuse has perverted their mind and prevents them from experiencing love in the traditional sense. They never get to know what real love feels like, nor are they able to feel the safety and security that it comes with, because love is not something they were ever shown. And so the speaker is left punished by this feeling of loss, punished by the knowledge that they will never get to have the one thing they want the most: Love
Cursed to need it, but cursed to never receive it.
Although the speaker uses the word “love” it could also be interpreted as love, less by its traditional sense, but more by its definition of a strong and intense longing which in this case, could be more in line with the feeling of ‘lust’. This line could be seen as a reference to ‘lust’ and its association with being one of the 7 deadly sins, with the speaker being “punished” for having these sexual desires that the people around them, most likely a religious community, view as perverted and wrong. The punishment in this case most likely being shame, humiliation and fear.
“In the morning I will mar myself again”
This line shows the speaker as both the punisher and the punished. Taking the word “mar” to mean disfigure, deface or scar, it is clear the speaker is referring to self harm, likely in a physical manner which could be seen as both a form of punishment to themselves, and as a way to deal with the existential punishment they are being subjected to. Furthermore, using the word “again” tells us that the speaker has every intention of continuing this cycle of harm, making it clear that they have not been adequately punished enough yet, and must continue until they have reached atonement.
“He was a natural Plauche, saying ‘“You won't forget this””
Plauche referes to the late ‘Gary Plauche’ who was most known for murdering infamous child molester ‘Jeffrey Doucet’, for raping and murdering Gary’s son.
The interpretation of this could be taken two different ways.
Firstly, this could be the speaker referring to someone avenging them for the abuse they went through and finally being able to break free from the cycle of punishment by finding somebody willing to love them enough to care.
Secondly, and far more likely, this could be the speaker placing themselves in the role of Jeffrey Doucet, not in the literal sense, but in the sense that they feel as though they deserved to be punished for what they have done. The speaker is the villain of their own story and truly believes that everything bad being done to them is justified, to the point of them even punishing themselves through acts of harm and violence.
Note - I want to make it clear that I am not saying that anyone deserves to be punished for being abused, but instead that it’s understandable why someone would feel this way about themselves, if the abuse they endured was never explained as being wrong. But instead told that it was their own fault, that their abuse was warranted and welcomed by the victim and that it is the victim's responsibility to stop it. Which of course is not the case. But it is common for victims of abuse to feel this way.
“Shame is sharp, and my skin gives so easy”
Another reference to self harm. However this time the speaker is giving us insight into the exact emotion which is causing them to feel worthy of punishment; Shame. They feel ashamed by their actions and this furthers the idea that they deserve to be punished.
“Only God knows, only God would believe / That I was an angel, but they made me leave”
As previously mentioned, this line refers to the original punishment; Lucifer, previously an angel, condemned to hell.
The speaker is aligning themselves with Lucifer, they believe they are being punished to the highest degree and therefore believe their sins to be parallel to those of the devil. There is no coming back from what they’ve done. There is no returning to the innocence they previously knew when they were an “angel”. They are to be punished forever. They are ultimately trapped in the constant cycle of punishment, condemned to a life of shame over what happened to them. They will never know love as it is meant to be known. Love is not their saviour, but is instead, their punisher.
“I am punished by love / I am punished by love / I am punished by love / I am punished by love”
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