Honmychest

A hub of intentionally inclusive sex positive resources: www.spfpp.org

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SPFPP 319: Deal with it to Heal with it - with Jolene Hernandez

I am joined by my friend and "No Shame in this Game" documentary producer, Jolene Jo-Jo Hernandez for a very long overdue podcast episode recording. Jolene put a sign on that says "I have herpes, ask me anything" and wore it at . . . Washington Park, in New York City as part of a documentary she put together just with the intention of healing that thing that needed to be dealt with. In this episode, while you'll hear two people comfortable with their herpes statuses, understand that you are where YOU are in your journey and that is perfectly fine. Our goal here is just to nudge you a little further into the slight discomfort of seeing what you're prioritizing your diagnosis over instead of just living your life. You can connect with Jolene via email at [email protected] or

www.noshameinthisgame.com

Social Media: @noshameinthisgamefilm

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SPFPP 318: You Don't Need a License to Heal

Do you wonder where your donations to SPFPP go? Here's where you can find out! Herpes stigma survey www.spfpp.org/survey and join our newsletter for updates by sending me your email address.

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SPFPP 317: What You Have is What You Want

Here's a solo episode where I openly explore learning out loud about what it means to be intentional and my own insecurities. Have you ever met someone like you but on the next level of that? I mean, you're ready for that, but aware enough to use words and identify what insecurities may be bubbling up to the surface around reciprocating.

I talk about an experience here where... I met myself through someone and got to see those insecurities come up as pressure. Pressure is something that tends to conflict with presence. Pressure will pull you into past experiences causing a reaction in the now that don't work and imagined outcomes you can perform for that aren't fitting to the present moment. That's probably something to go more into in next week's episode.

Anyways, take inventory on what you have and who you have it with and where you get it from. What you'll find is that you're practicing having those things and getting better at accepting them. If you actively choose what's NOT that, then you'll make space for different. I try to explain this here so hopefully it comes across in my rambling.

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SPFPP 316: Life is About What Happens Through You Not to You

November 10th is my 35th birthday and since I was 13 years old, I had been holding on to what I’ve learned to be the root of my self worth issues..

This episode is one of healing. This is the longest SPFPP podcast episode to date that I have and I feel an immense sense of “things will be different for me” now that' I’ve released the grief I’ve held on to all this time. I dedicate this podcast to the first woman to fight for me and unconditionally love me, Patricia Anne Johnson. This is the epitome of “Life is about what happens through you, not to you.”. I’m scattering your ashes digitally across the radio waves of the internet. I love you grandma and thank you for seeing me even before I was physically here.

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SPFPP 313: Luck of the Irish

I interview a 26 year old Man from Ireland who's currently traveling abroad. We connected March 2023 and he reached out mid October to share his experience on the SPFPP podcast. "Herpes isn't that big of a deal" is something that gets loosely thrown around without context and we acknowledge that had this guests' partner had a different response than what the guest received, that we'd be having a way different conversation. He shares that this is his first time telling this story, so bear with us and be gentle in the feedback. This guest is open and happy to connect with Ireland residents and more if you'd like. I can connect ya'll.

Please mark May 23, 2024 for the first ever SPFPP conference which will be held online and we'll be presenting the final survey findings at this conference. You can participate in this survey if you're living with herpes by visiting www.spfpp.org/survey.. Resources Mentioned: Irish Sex Educator: Jenny Keane - www.jennykeane.com/holisticsexeducation

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SPFPP 312: Kink as a Treatment for Trauma with Marla Stewart

I put Marla's bio below this description but let me tell ya'll, I came in with three talking points:

1. What is the Sex Down South Conference?

2. Speaking to the intersection of pleasure and safety when it comes to sex

3. Talking about kink as a treatment for trauma

I NEVER make outlines for episodes because typically the content deviates from the topic and I find myself trying too hard to stay on topic but we managed to get an hour of conversation going between us. Marla offers some examples of this with choking and I share some of my own experiences navigating not only the conference but how kink has been helpful to me navigating not just my ideas of sex, but with INTIMACY. If you've been listening to the last few episodes or following me on social media then you know I've been looking at my own relationship to sex and intimacy and invite you to do the same.

Don't forget the herpes survey: www.spfpp.org/survey

Don't forget weekly support group meetings but you gotta be a Patreon subscriber: www.patreon.com/spfpp

Marla (she/her) is a certified sexologist, author, and sexual strategist who runs her own sexuality education company, Velvet Lips. She is also a Co-Founder of the top- rated Sex Down South Conference. She has studied human sexuality for more than 22 years and has given over 600 workshops all over the world. She has been featured on a variety of media outlets, including Netflix’s Trigger Warning with Killer Mike and Love & HipHop Atlanta. She co-wrote her first book, The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay with Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, which debuted in April 2020.

You can learn more about Sex Down South by visiting www.sexdownsouth..com and following SDS on social media at SDSCON.

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SPFPP 311: Zero Proof Identity Crisis

I wanna preface this episode with the disclaimer that we are talking about sexual assault/rape. This isn't in a violent form by any means, however it is still a nonconsensual sexual encounter.

That's not the entire podcast topic/discussion, but enough of it to where we reference it throughout so if that triggers you, please skip this episode.

I interview Laura from Zero Proof Nation who was diagnosed with herpes after being date raped by her crush. We talk about how her first sexual experience shaped her arousal to date. She sprung on my that she was bisexual as well for those who want to hear about that experience. Laura also talks about grieving a sex life she never had since she's been living with herpes since 22 years old and has only known dating with that since then, and after 2 hospitalizations from alcohol poisoning decided to be sober.

Another big takeaway from this episode is that there is much more to discuss/disclose than a herpes diagnosis. We discuss a vulnerability of Laura's which is her own struggles with her finances and the trouble she may have gotten herself into.

Connect with Laura on Instagram @wearesober today! You can also join our SPFPP weekly support groups for Patreon Subscribers on Mondays at 6pm pacific by visiting www.patreon.com/spfpp. If you'd rather not join Patreon, you can join the 4th Monday of each month. Men, there's a group I host weekly for now on Thursdays at 6pm pacific that you'll need to email me to be a part of.

Take the HSV survey if you haven't already by visiting www.spfpp.org/survey. If on a mobile device, click the slightly visible blue box on the right of your screen to begin.

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SPFPP 310: Challenging Your Triggers AND Mine

First, if you have yet to take the 2023 HSV Survey, please do so now by visiting www.spfpp.org/survey and if you are on a mobile device, once you're taken to QuestionsPro to begin the survey, you'll need to first click a slightly visible blue box on the right side of your screen in order to begin. In fact, you can do that while listening to this episode. My goal is 2k responses by 2024.

Next, mark your calendars for May 23, 2024 for Something Positive for Positive People's five year anniversary. We'll celebrate with a day long virtual conference where we'll present the survey findings at. I'll share details as we lock in some guest speakers and start ticket sales.

Third, SPFPP support groups will happen on Mondays at 6pm pacific time FOR PATREON SUBSCRIBERS. If you are NOT a Patreon subscriber, you can join here: www.patreon.com/spfpp and have access to the weekly support group calls where you can come vent, get feedback, ask questions and or just share space with others navigating herpes stigma. Should you not want to join, the fourth Monday of each month will be open to anyone and you can find that on the events tab of the spfpp site.

Ok, now for the episode description:

I have finally learned the lesson of why it is so important to have boundaries and to take care of and prioritize myself AND THEN prioritize Something Positive for Positive People/others. It only took for the same lesson to knock me upside my head from different people a few more times before I got it.

I go into some detail about recent experiences that led to the creation of new boundaries I am upholding. If you want support, the options above are available to you. Outside that if you still want support or a call of some sort, I have to see that you're even somewhat invested in SPFPP before we can go into your experiences/story by seeing proof of a donation before we set up a time to talk.

Now having the SPFPP book, this survey, support groups AND the SPFPP virtual conference to work on, I am choosing to focus my efforts exclusively on what supports these three things within appropriate boundaries. So if I seem like a little bit of a jerk to you it's because I know the quality of my work, support, and my organization to know it's worth being more forward on how serious I take this work.

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SPFPP 309: Feeding Your Inner Child

Our guest Bette Minou (Instagram BetteMinou) is a Sensual/Alternative model who's also on the OnlyFans @BetteMinouMeow if you want to check that out for yourself.

This episode is really about things much bigger than herpes that stigma can be applied to.. At the core, everyone here is just feeding their inner child who, as kids may have had many needs met, but the ones that didn't get met are what shaped our pursuits toward meeting those absent needs. Bette talks about her BPD squared as she calls it, Borderline Personality Disorder and Bi-polar Disorder, as well as Cuban culture, queerness and polyamory as she identifies as Pansexual. We didn't get to go much into the herpes but I think ya'll know by now every type of story with herpes and we're just putting different faces to it.

Bette was diagnosed a year and a half ago at age 30-31 in case ya'll were wondering. But going back to stigma. We lock in to herpes stigma and STI stigma when we live in a world where it applies to many other things. So I'm glad to have a guest with so many intersecting identities represented here. Speaking of Stigma, if you haen't already gone to www.spfpp.org/survey and participated in our 2023 HSV survey to learn about your experience with stigma, support, meds, dating and disclosure, please do so. When you first open the survey, you'll be taken to the consent form where there's a tiny blue box on the right side (if using a mobile device). Click that and it'll take you to the consent form where you'll see words laid over one another. .You can zoom out to read and scroll down to start the survey. Thank you for your time. As always you can donate to www.spfpp.org today, join our Patreon at www.patreon.com/spfpp and I'm always looking for new guests to add diversity to herpes.

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SPFPP 307: Trauma Informed Care is a Team Effort

Chasity has been in pharmacy for 10 years and joins our series of interviews with health care professionals dispelling some conspiracy theories and speaking about stigma. One thing that stood out about our chat is that leadership, team, and environment keep coming up and I’m seeing how influential these components of the healthcare field influence one’s care they receive. We can utilize communication to set new expectations and change narratives in media about expectations of someone positive for an STI or start even sooner to get them the support that can mitigate the need for SPFPP’s existence as it initially began . . . supporting people through the mental health challenges of navigating an STI diagnosis. We need to integrate these learned communication skills SPFPP’s guests have shared into STD Prevention efforts.

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SPFPP 306: Bias Ain't a Bad Word

Shaina French is a Certified Nurse Midwife. She joins us on SPFPP this episode to talk about a Team approach to health care. We discuss time restrictions and workload providers have to navigate in order to meet the requirements necessary to be able to take insurance, and what we’re paying for in order to get that extra time and quality of care from those who opt out of taking insurance. Overall we discuss bias and stigma, and that communication and awareness are essential to the quality of care someone is receiving and able to give. Patients and providers both have needs and we discuss how social media CAN potentially meet those needs, even though simultaneously it could cause different challenges. We discuss the importance of a referral list and I inquire on bias vs identity compatibility which speaks to one’s scope of practice. Talking about sex in the doctor’s office presents a number of challenges that can be resolved by having practice talking about sex in the doctor’s office, and that is one of the things your donations to SPFPP support. Connect with Shaina on Instagram at 1whiskeytangofoxtrot.

Shaina (she/her) is a Certified Nurse Midwife and Sex Counselor with 16 years experience specializing in gynecological care and the care of pregnant/birthing people. In the last half of her career she has focused her skills on assisting her clients in addressing their sexual health concerns, such as navigating vulvar dermatological problems and in individual or partnership counseling sessions for low libido or lack of orgasm. She uses a biopsychosocial approach to tailor treatments to each individual in a shared decision making model of care. She is an Accredited Sexual Healthcare Provider ™ , Kink Affirming Practitioner ™ and Fellow in the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health (IF). She currently is caring for birthing clients in hospital only, but coming this fall will be returning to in office sex medicine/gynecological and sex counseling care. Stay tuned to her Instagram for details @1WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot or contact her at [email protected]

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SPFPP 305: Communication is the Core of STI Minimization

Here we interview a Planned Parenthood Nurse Practitioner on the East about stigma in the healthcare field. We talk about some of the clean vs dirty language, differences between men and women’s responses to their diagnosis and some of the useful resources that have supported our guest in dealing with patients. I also present a lil’ bit of guidance for alleviating stigma with patients so I did my deed for the day here. This episode is part of my interviewing healthcare providers series. My intention is to optimize the patient/provider communication for the sake of minimizing new infections through getting people comfortable talking about sex.

Gena is a nurse practitioner who has been working in reproductive healthcare for over a decade, with expertise in trauma-informed gynecology, abortion care, and gender affirming hormone therapy.  In her current role at Planned Parenthood, Gena is particularly passionate about destigmatizing STIs, consent advocacy, and empowering patients in every aspect of their care.

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SPFPP 304: The Truth of Stigma

We discuss how stigma cannot survive the presence of truth. We talk about how addressing stigma may not necessarily be something to address with the health care provider or patient. It could be something to address with parents in the home and educators at school. I been thinking about giving providers practice talking about sex with patients, but maybe its the teachers who need this education to distill to the youth so that we don’t see so much stigma prevalent in adulthood.

Theresa has been an RN for 47 years, working mostly adult care -- in hospitals, long-term care facilities,  in a underserved clinic and as a case manager for an insurance company. Currently, she is semi-retired, working part-time from home as a remote triage nurse, which is great.

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SPFPP 303: How Doctors Don't Talk About Sex

So what exactly does a Sex Therapist do? In my exploration of trying to identify opportunities for patients and providers to best communicate about sex, what I’m finding is that there’s a lot more to understand than the stigma component. Kimberly shared that on the surface, doctors don’t talk about sex with patients because of time, but what we learn is that that’s just an excuse for a much larger issue.

Kimberly Resnick Anderson, LCSW, is an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, speaker, writer, and professor, with more than 30 years of experience treating individuals, couples and groups. She specializes in helping her clients achieve optimal sexual health and satisfaction.

In her practice, she has been known to make her clients feel extremely safe to discuss deeply intimate topics. Over the years, she has been praised for her special style of talking to people about sex that is both comforting and profoundly liberating. Her life-changing technique that she has coined, “Comfort-Inducing Sexuality Dialogue” is her own unique clinical model that has helped save the marriages of hundreds of her clients.

Ms. Anderson conducts Support Groups, Couples Retreats, Intensives and traditional couples counseling. She has a special interest in the impact of chronic and acute illness. She has also treated thousands of individuals with alternative sexual lifestyles including LGBTQ, Polyamory, Ethical Nonmonogamy, and BDSM; and has been a champion of depathologizing these marginalized populations.

Ms. Anderson is regularly quoted in Playboy.com, CNN.com, Cosmo.com, Huffington Post, Yourtango.com and dozens of other national and international publications. Ms. Anderson has published articles in medical journals including The Female Patient and The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. She was also an on-air expert and consultant for the TLC’s “Strange Sex” series. As a sought-after speaker and expert, Ms. Anderson has been quoted and mentioned in over 25 countries. She is a speaker at sexual health conferences around the globe. Kimberly also hosts and produces a podcast Called Sex Savvy, which tackles all things sexual. Click here to listen.

Her work in graduate medical education makes her a popular Professor among physician trainees and mental health professionals, teaching them to comfortably discuss sexual issues with patients and clients. She is currently an assistant professor of Psychiatry at UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine.

In addition to in-office therapy at her Los Angeles-based location, she offers online sex coaching and teletherapy programs to her national and international clientele. She also teaches a sex therapy training program to licensed professionals, offering her unique approach.

Contact Kimberly via:

www.kimberlyresnickanderson.com

Phone: [phone] (For a free 15 minute call/consult)

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SPFPP 302: The Prejudice of Stigma

I wasn’t sure if I’d publish this as a podcast episode considering I’m exploring the new territory of just collecting information from health care providers that can support my mission to help people navigate the stigma that comes with not only a herpes, but any STI diagnosis. As I learn more, I learn more. While I filter and curate this information from them to you, maybe you’ll have my same experience and growth while I’m learning out loud here through these conversations. So I decided to get their consent to share these recordings that aren’t quite podcast episodes, but conversations with providers on their challenges and perspectives as they treat patients. Dr. Lourdes here is the first interview in that series. I look forward to sharing with you here.

Lourdes Mantecón-Garza obtained her medical degree in 1982, at the medical school of the Autonomous University of Nuevo León, in Monterrey, Mexico. She continued with specialty studies in Internal Medicine at the SSA Metropolitan Hospital in the same city in 1988. She completed a master's degree in business administration at the University of Texas (MBA, UT-PanAmerican) in 2005. She continue with studies on human sexuality at the Institute for Advanced Studies of Human Sexuality (IASHS) and at the Buehler Institute, both in California USA. Dr. Mantecón is a certified clinical sexologist by the American College of Sexologists International and is also a certified sexuality counselor by the American Association of Sexuality, Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) also in the US. Dr. Mantecón -Garza has fellow studies in women's sexuality by the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH). She is a visiting professor for human sexuality readings at different educational institutions in Mexico (UANL) and the United States (UTRGV school of medicine and family residency). She has presented research papers at national congresses in Mexico and the United States and world ISSM (International Society for Sexual Medicine) 2018, WAS (World Association for Sexual health) 2019 and ISSSWSH 2020. In addition to her practice, Dr. Mantecón Garza decided to write reference books that could be available to the population without the difficulty of medical technicalities. His first work, “The diet and the diabetic”, was published by Editorial Trillas in 1996, the second is “Healthy Sexuality” in the process of printing with the same publisher. She is dedicated to work as sexuality counselor at her office in McAllen Texas, she also offers services through telemedicine in English and Spanish.

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SPFPP 301: The Absence of Presence

Our guest, Fran, lives in Australia and talks about sobriety after years of having her identity as a party girl. She got herpes 6 months into a health, monogamous relationship that ended after 2 years for none of the reasons you may be thinking. We talk about something big here, which was how Fran thought her purpose was to be a party girl, and how she just didn't know any different. We discuss the illusion of presence that can come from sex that just doesn't feel connective, and how we aren't looking for "attention" and "validation" necessarily, but we're seeking presence in our relationships. Join Patreon for our after show where we got deeper into some of Fran's self reflections that we uncovered during our episode. www.patreon.com/spfpp

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SPFPP 300: The Dream of a Choice - Celebrating 6 Years of SPFPP

I've been interviewing people with herpes since 2017. I started this platform with the intention of just keeping people with herpes from wanting to kill themselves. All these years later, we've become the leading sexual health communications resource for people navigating herpes stigma. I wanted to do something special like a fundraiser for this occasion, but things just fell through. This episode is a combination of what's for people to understand from the business side and a significant amount of my own personal experience here. I had a dream that I'm integrating into my personal existence as well as how I run SPFPP moving forward, and that's from a place of presence, choice and intention. I have been so afraid of success and failure, but those were covering up my true fear which is my damn self.