Somewhere only He knows

J2031

[somewhereonlyheknows]

Excited and nervous for April.

I want to write again but i have been so busy. ☹️

[somewhereonlyheknows]

[somewhereonlyheknows]

I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground.

Powerful.

[somewhereonlyheknows]

I am excited but also anxious. This trip home is making my stomach churn sometimes. All because of covid. I do not want to carry the virus and infect others or I get the virus because of all the possible reunion with family and friends. I want to see them and spend a lot of time with them but this virus is making me crazy. Not that I dont trust God, I just couldnt help get worried. See, there, those two statements are totally contradicting. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with that thought in my head. I should not really worry, seriously. God is in control. It’s all in His hands. When its my time to go, its my time to go. Sigh. Even plane rides make me anxious these days too — effect of too much tv/netflix/youtube? It could be.

Thats it’s. Theres nothing else to say. Id rather deal with this in prayer. Bye.

[somewhereonlyheknows]

Fb, Instagram and Whatsapp are down.

J was right. The whistleblower’s interview last night would definitely affect these platforms.

I feel like this is the break we knew we needed but could not decide when to start. I guess the only thing I’m concerned about is my communication with my family on whatsapp. Thats it. Im okay staying offline from Instagram and most especially Fb.

I guess I have more time to read books, workout (really?), and declutter.

Actually, the main reason why I wrote this is because of how God can make things work for His glory. Let me explain how: I am on my third day of fast today. I chose to eat one meal a day and just drink liquid the rest of the day. Coffee, water or tea. However, i know i should stop using social media but i couldnt. I thought to myself, I should have included it in my fast but I just did not. So, this, for me, is God’s way of saying — “stay away from it. Fast from it. Youre consuming too much and its taking away your time from Me.” It’s right to do so because of how it makes me anxious sometimes — seeing people travel, shop, or even see how their life is so much better than the rest of us. I don’t think Im jealous, i believe it made me feel pressured. Pressured in the sense that i needed to catch up because why am i not making so much progress?

See, the thing about social media is, it makes you compare your life to others and think that you’re stuck. You basically decided (unconsciously) to make it your life manual and you just end up feeling bad. You see theyre reading a lot and you look at your pile of books and say — im a loser. Social media becomes a person’s reality of his or her aspirations in life. I read this. I lost this much weight. I have so much stamps in my passport. I bought this. I drank that. I partied here. I attended this concert. I support this cause and you dont. It never ends.

So thank you for this break we know we needed but trying to make a delay. At least for a few hours or at least a day, we are away from the pretense of sm.

[somewhereonlyheknows]

Random entry.

I told you I’d stop writing. If not for a Wordpress email I would not remember that I have to check my Tumblr. But seriously, I am becoming more forgetful. Would taking some memory enhancer help? No joke. I should try.

We’re already in October. Autumn. I saw some brown leaves on the ground yesterday. I walked on them and I heard the crisp sound of Fall. Other than this season, I realized how time came by fast, as my moon was just beginning to walk last year, and now, he runs fast.

A lot of things changed. I used to receive work reminders. Email this. Research that. Write this. Edit that. And now I get brush teeth and cut nails.

Now, am I upset about it? No. Cycle of life. It just means I am a normal person following a certain order (in life). I am not in control of life but He is. Let’s say I do like to have both worlds but He says, “you only have to pick one.” At least, He gave me an offer. Caring is work itself. Not only does it drain me mentally but physically emotionally and all the other -ly. Lol. I dont mean to scare you. It’s actually interesting and educational. You thought you know a lot by watching others do it, but hey, it’s a totally different ball game. I have to make another entry about it someday.

By the way, I started watching Money Heist. I finally gave in. I was avoiding it for the longest time because of all the nudity involved. But Im surprised I haven’t seen any nudity yet. Probably my kid safe setting on Netflix helped. I like that. So far, I like the story. Bad guys trying to become heroes. Redemption is the word I guess. It’s funny how they want to really try but a part of their bad past comes out in certain pressing situations. Ill tell you more when i’m done with season 1.

I am also watching Hometown Cha Cha Cha, a kdrama. You know, ever since I settled down, I dont easily get kilig anymore. I sometimes ask myself why. Maybe because I know the reality? That you dont get kilig everyday or we are way past that stage? Whatever. Going back to the series, episode 11 did a great job in making me smile from ear-to-ear and made me laugh so hard (I literally lost my breath).

That’s it for now. Bye.

[somewhereonlyheknows]

5. Food: What’s for breakfast? Dinner? Lunch? Or maybe you could write a poem about that time you met a friend at a cafe.

Oh boy, I am not a poet and the last poem I wrote was in 2013 and it wasnt even good. But here goes:

Bringing back to mind

The last cup of coffee and doughnut combined

Sprinkled with stories and laughter

With friends who are hard to find

Jumping from jokes to serious talks

About family and romance

Or about life and how to take a chance

One day, I know we will all be together

Sipping our favorite flavor of caffeine

Coupled with our favorite cuisine (comment: lol sorry i know its lame)

I have a million stories to share

But i dont mind listening them

If they keep talking and I couldnt? I do not care

[somewhereonlyheknows]

4. Dancing: Who’s dancing and why are they tapping those toes?

I was dancing yesterday, or was it the other day? I dance to children’s music these days. Ha ha! But sometimes when I am alone, I just dance to my favorites songs.

Have you ever had that moment where a song evokes certain emotions? Mine happens to be some joy and a little bit of void sometimes. I know that sounds ridiculous. How can these two go together? Void might be the wrong depiction, but it’s something more about l desiderate — a day full of laughter and fun outdoors. I should change my playlist to something that will not stir up reminisces. Dont worry; it’s nothing about the “missing-my-old-life” memories; it’s more about my extroverted, outdoorsy, and bubbly personality. Ha ha.

[somewhereonlyheknows]

Hello! How is your week so far? Ive been busy these past few days. I almost forgot about writing. I have been trying to read a book but I could not finish it. I’m still on chapter 3. Is there something wrong with me? Or it just feels like I want to accomplish a lot of things yet here I am accomplishing nothing? sigh.

Here’s another idea from thinkwritten.com

3. The Vessel: Write about a ship or other vehicle that can take you somewhere different from where you are now.

I wish I am in a plane right now heading home to my family. I miss my mom and everyone else. I miss the sound of jeepneys and tricycles; the sound of a typical Filipino morning where a neighbor is sweeping outside, roosters crowing and kids laughing. I miss waking up to the smell of fried rice, corned beef, egg, hotdogs, and bangus (milk fish) for breakfast. Darn, the yearning’s too much I can feel the pang in my heart. Perhaps, a part of the home I’m speaking of is my grandmother. I have too much to say about her, about my grief and healing but i’ll create a separate story about it.

[somewhereonlyheknows]

I hope this desire, this hunger, this ache for writing lasts. I could not really wait another day to write another entry (but it’s 12:14am as of the moment, so technically it is another day). Let’s see what’s on thinkwritten.com’s writing prompt number 2.

*scans web page*

Oh, a timeless and painful topic:

2. The Unrequited love poem: How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back?

Hurt.

How do I expound this? Is there anything else to say? What if I paraphrase the question? What if it’s about loving someone who does love me but chose to waste it? I am not sure if waste is the right word. Maybe shatter it?

This is interesting because I was just reading this book entitled In His Image written by Jen Wilkin. I am on chapter 2 and it talks about God most loving. The lines that caught my attention, plus gave me a lot of realizations, are these ones:

Answering the original question again — i’d say i will hurt, but I will continue to love that person because I love God.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:7-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

[somewhereonlyheknows]

Thinkwritten.com said that if I want to become a better writer, the best thing I can do is practice everyday. I guess I will start by following their writing prompts.

1. Outside the Window: What’s the weather outside your window doing right now? If that’s not inspiring, what’s the weather like somewhere you wish you could be?

Here goes:

It’s sunny at 77 degrees today and we are almost half way through September. The leaves are starting to turn brown and fall. Why does Autumn always feel sad or is it just me? Time went by fast. I still remember what we did last year as if it was just a few days ago. Did the pandemic suspend my concept of time? It felt like I did not do anything productive this year. Or am I just being too self-critical? I lost weight, that’s one. But, losing only 10 lbs in 9 months is not enough. See, I’m doing it again. I dont consider any thing small an achievement but I celebrate others’ achievements regardless of measure. I wish I could be more grateful. I wish that weather does not affect my mood. What did age do to me? My once extroverted, high-spirited personality became morose and bland.

[somewhereonlyheknows]

I have always wanted to write, but I am scared because my grammar is not perfect. I want share many stories, to the point of imagining that I am typing in front of my laptop, but because I procrastinate, I eventually forgetting about those thoughts. I have time, plenty in fact. If only I started sooner, maybe I am better writer now. I’ll try again because today I will try not to care about where my punctuation marks will land or how badly I write. I just need to pour out my soul somewhere I only know.