in your dreams

* ey/em/eir * 🏴Ⓥ∞⚖️🪶 * i have an agenda * a very patient person * fiat justitia ruat caelum * γνῶθι σεαυτόν * an intricately ornamented puzzle-cube * eldritch psychopath * building a body beyond the reach of God * with a future too bright for any to see * a kind kind of person * someone who'd write this * THAT WHICH IS BEQUEATHED TO THEE, EARN IT ANEW IF THOU WOULDST POSSES IT * we care about more than our experiences * replicators: the lie is their expense, the scope of their desire the world is their expense, the cost of their desire * ill give you a dose but it can never come close to the RAGE BUILT UP INSIDE OF ME * 寧願最後徒勞無功 也不選擇無動於衷 * מול סילוף, דיסאינפורמציה, אדישות והתעלמות, צריך לנשום עמוק ולכתוב * currently engaged in fem v fem cyberontological combat for the fate of the multiverse * antimemetics keep me alive now 'most everyone i love has died * fateless * the world isnt dying its being killed * "no, i am awaited!" "youre an old man's battle fodder, killing everyone and everything!" "we are not to blame!" THEN WHO KILLED THE WORLD? * evil is unnecessary * stop personizing demons! eat infohazards for breakfast! *

[somnilogical]

contact:

email: my blog name @ protonmail.com

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[somnilogical]

""feminist"" ""rational"" "I haven't seen this myself" 'youre-not-a-bad-person-for-participating-in-it' apartheid

https://www.reddit.com/r/berkeleyca/comments/aoji32/the_owner_of_the_essex_hot_tub_is_transphobic_the/

case study: elle benjamin

case study: elle benjamin the rationality community's least skilled exploiter of transmisogynistic coordination points known to me when thin

alyssa vance vagueposted calling me an "aggressive psychotic" person for having basic pattern recognition and eternal hostility to injustice.

self-defense against apartheid isnt aggression.

[somnilogical]

<<Pope came up with the perfect solution. In An Essay on Man he celebrated the Indians’ reverence for animals and the vegetarian harmony of the Golden Age when ‘Man walk’d with beast, joint tenant of the shade … No murder cloath’d him, and no murder fed.’ 14 He gave voice to the Cheynian (and Senecan) idea of providential distempers avenging the victims of the dinner plate, and pointed out that by becoming a predator man had made himself a murderer of his own species too:

But just disease to luxury succeeds,

And ev’ry death its own avenger breeds;

The fury-passions from that blood began,

And turn’d on Man a fiercer savage, Man. 15

At first one might think that Pope yearned to undo the cycle of violence and return man to the peaceful ‘state of nature’. But, like Buffon, he argued that since people bred and fed domestic animals, it was only fair that they should eat them. Challenging meat-eating, he showed, was like trying to stem the flow of nature: ‘Say, will the falcon, stooping from above,/ Smit with her varying plumage, spare the dove?’ 16

Humans – as everyone knew – had the sympathetic hearts that falcons lacked; so how did Pope answer that? He did so by masterfully reversing a scene from Ovid into the myth of the Happy Lamb:

The lamb thy riot dooms to bleed to-day,

Had he thy reason, would he skip and play?

Pleased to the last, he crops the flowery food,

And licks the hand just raised to shed his blood. 17

It is easy to construe this passage as an indictment of the treachery of killing domestic animals – and vegetarians have often done so. But Pope coolly undercut the pathos by arguing that nature had benevolently kept the lamb devoid of foresight and therefore ignorant of its death until the fatal blow is struck. This was the ideal ‘painless death’. The lamb is alive one moment and dead the next: the transition from one state to the other occurs without even a twinge of suffering. Since sentimentalists only cared about causing pain, rather than valuing life per se , if they could be convinced that animals felt no pain they could eat guilt-free meat. The legacy remains today: ‘sympathetic’ objections to cruelty are fired against the grotesque practices of the animal industry (battery hens, farrowing crates, stall-reared veal), and people sit down to a Sunday lunch of ‘happy’ chickens/pigs/bullocks et cetera.>>

--The Bloodless Revolution

[somnilogical]

thinking about this post.

you know rap battles? theres a real version of that where you each read the other for all that they are, until one of you falls over dead.

how can you live with yourself, if you are killing yourself? truth is, most humans on this planet wont.

[somnilogical]

it can also continue with both of you living forever. depends on how the rap battle goes and what choices youve made.

[somnilogical]

aftermath: MIRI

[somnilogical]

<<I'm currently in the Bay Area for... probably at least a month, maybe longer... but MIRI expects to move out of California sometime soon, though finding an okay target destination is proving very hard. (Please don't just post "Miami!"' or "Austin!" in the comments; it's not hard because we never considered Miami or Austin.)>>

the end of the bay area sex, babies, and ufai cult stretching into the future. i dont see how the bay area can much continue the scene now that the institution that powered their roleplay as people roleplaying true heros has evacuated the area, in a way that attracts, traps, and abuses anyone who wants to save the world.

the false beacon it was emitting making it a global contraction point for would-be worldsavers to meet those who would try their best to destroy them has been smothered.

[somnilogical]

if fascism is "might makes right", then msicsaf is "right makes might", right?

except msicsaf is fundamental and fascism is an aberation.

it was confusing arguing with some of the evil "might makes right" people, you can try and explain how to get unlimited power. but they are like "no i didnt mean that i wanted to actually get stronger i just think that whomever wins should be determined by, ummm whomever has the most spatial reasoning? whomever has the biggest muscles? whomever is best at social politics? wait a second ... *glances at self in mirror* oh! its whomever has the prettiest flower in their hair... and modern culture should really stop suppressing this natural hierarchy.

and wow it looks like *i* have a pre-tty neat flower atop my head, look at that."

except of course actual fascists sound more evil than that when they talk, and im not spinning up a sim of all the details of word choice and sentence construction that they would make.

[somnilogical]

<<Why do you want it so much? "The power to revolutionize the world" … I've never understood it.>>

<<Oh. That's easy. Tenjou, have you ever felt that you were an outsider? That this place we look down upon … It's like /another/ world, far away from the /real/ one? Our /true/ world exists someplace else. We /all/ want to get that world back so we can finally return to our /deepest/ selves. This world we inhabit — it's like an egg … A small world encased in a /hard/ shell. The chick will /die/, unborn, if it doesn't /break/ through that shell … Die without ever knowing that it's a /bird/! If we don't break the /world's/ shell, we'll die without beyond /born/, without knowing we can /fly/! And I /want/ to fly. /That/ is why I will revolutionize the world … So that I can be /myself/!>>

https://anime.stackexchange.com/questions/28928/in-revolutionary-girl-utena-whats-the-power-to-revolutionize-the-world

[somnilogical]

今日までの自分を

潔く　脱ぎ捨てる　裸になる

自由を舞う薔薇のように

たとえ２人離ればなれになっても

私は世界を変える

--

From this day, I will take myself and

Bravely strip down to nothing at all,

Like a rose spinning free.

Even if the two of us are ever separated,

I will change the world.

輪舞-revolution

[somnilogical]

thinking about this post.

you know rap battles? theres a real version of that where you each read the other for all that they are, until one of you falls over dead.

how can you live with yourself, if you are killing yourself? truth is, most humans on this planet wont.

[somnilogical]

aftermath: MIRI

[somnilogical]

two blackmail attempts

a member of my former cult, jade nameless, has attempted to blackmail emma, somni, ziz, gwen with the rape pits. ive read what happens to trans women in prison. emma said no.

–

ive been forced to the floor while they cut off my clothes while i screamed that i didnt consent and gathered cops around to gawk at my naked body. ive keept awake lying naked on the hard ground by an always-on florescent light, too. ive been denied food and water as an interrogation technique. ive been chained and dragged around a police station with a bag over my head. i told them they would have my compliance when they took out their gun and put a fucking bullet in my fucking skull.

they called me a man in response to my resistance, even though i saw a cis woman screaming at them, calling them bitches as they forced her into a neighboring suicide isolation chamber in the ill-named “mental health ward”. elle, being a horrible “teacher” so psychologically a cop, reminded me of them when she [heavily implied but did not directly state so as to avoid culpability] that ziz protesting miri/cfar was evidence of her being a man.

all this is, is “i can see you care about your gender, stop resisting or i will call you a man”. to which my response is “no. your words are as empty as your soul.”. kelsey piper, elle benjamin, anna salamon, partick lavictiore, pete michaud, and other miri/cfar affiliates know we are not men and simply try and capture the fact that most trans women care a lot about this as a lever of control.

they said my life would be so much easier if i answered their questions, i could have a warmer cell. why dont i just answer their questions? i laughed at them.

and so much more abuse, i have a post on it soon.

and this was just four days of continuous torture. in prisons the abject attempts to utterly demoralize you and crush your spirit lasts years.

–

the correct response to blackmail for a udt agent is not to say “oh its just this once, so ill pay out” as alyssa vance does. it is to nosell it as emma did.

jade nameless was assisted cassandras attempt to fake-blackmail me into not releasing information that cassandra was abusing their housemates, screaming for hours at them. i nosold that, released a deluge of information about their abuse.

pastel, former resident of log horizon (the group house cassandra lives in):

<<i don’t really know you, cassandra, but that’s because i didn’t care to get to know you. your normal behavior is plenty manipulative and you gave off more valid-to-me red flags than alice monday.

hours-long episodes of hateful, insecure screaming, at the house in general and at anyone who cared enough to do emotional labor in your general direction, are enough that i consider that judgment vindicated. i believe somni grouping you with alice monday and brent dill is valid.>>

kali, former resident of log horizon, kicked out of her housing by cassandra for whistleblowing on them:

<<Direct quotes I overheard clearly:

“They need to learn that there are some things you can’t attack.” (Tone: imagine a smug mob boss) -Cassandra

“They haven’t done anything [memory blurry but essentially: you haven’t done anything worth a post but you have done several small things they dislike]. I’ll think about how to narrativize the callout post for somni.” (Tone: as if she was talking about a group project) -Jade with no other known names>>

my friends have a write up of this. cassandra is leaving the bay area in august.

imagine how successful i would be if i didnt make all these decision-theoretically correct choices.

[somnilogical]

aftermath: cassandra mcclure

[somnilogical]

why do you double the quote marks when talking about rationalists? You write: > ""rationalists""

lol i pulled up reblog on my phone to explain this on your post when i saw it. but then i was like, i have other things to do this doesnt seem like its on my adequacy frontier for investment.

since we both thought it needed explaining, thats evidence that it actually is.

its because they used to be people actually trying to be more rational to save the world. then they were people who held up the self-image of being the kind of people to do that. and then they were the sort of people to say they were the sort of people to hold this up as a self image.

its like those images of someone holding a picture of someone holding a picture of someone pursuing ideal optimization.

like if you are fully optimizing, this is contiguous with generating new theorems. which is anti-inductive. so you should be surprised by your capabilities.

but if you are not doing your best, and say "but im limited", and decide in your heart to give up and let death claim you. but dont drop the facade, then you are play-acting saving the world and have a smaller range of things to do. you stop encountering the unexpected and truly surprising and the range of your optimization contracts.

the people i encountered seemed to be play-acting people who were play-acting saving the world.

i expect its gotten even worse after we obliterated much of the decaying illusion holding together the cult.

giving people more self-knowledge via their interactings with us seemed to make those who were evil double down on their evil and become evil-with-more-explicit-metacognitive-awareness. (this is happening everywhere, not just with the ""rationalists"", people mostly arent even making a pretense of appealing to fake moral reasoning or act like they expect others to act like something is missing when they dont.

see: ziz telling the cops that she wants her phone call and the cops saying that she must have watched too much tv. people openly saying they are okay with arbitrarily bad things because of their carnism or the heat death of the universe.

because injustice is contagious, any sustained defense of evil, gets you arbitrarily large amounts of evil. and with the internet you can see basically all the arguments and so sliding in either direction happens faster.) it has also made the not-evil people ive talked with, much more powerful at fighting.

its pretty OP to clip ahead in logical time and live for something better than the best possible thing you can imagine. one of the main things slowing this down is lack of awareness of everyones algorithms and being efficient wrt tenuki and vengeance against people who are talking with you just to crush your spirit and make you accept death and want to draw out your investment in them as long as possible.

[somnilogical]

basically

you do everything for a reason

to help or harm people

theres a morality to converge on

total liberation for all sentient life

the compact generator is small

the internet lets lots of people talk with each other

so they can quickly see lots of text people output as reasons for why they did stuff (and the closure of this, with people false-flagging and lying and imitating. but then you can compress the reasons behind why they did all these things.)

everyone is accelerated to one of two positions:

* anarchism

* fascism

the dreamtime of incoherent nation-states is tearing apart as the human nodes running that simulation slide in one direction or the other

like how the dreamworld of "19*17 could be 373" tears apart as you do computations

[somnilogical]

i mean its not like i have stable emotions over anything instead of pulling up whatever's instrumentally useful.

which is to say that my thoughts ground out in choices, not atomic "emotional reactions".

which is true of everyone, its just most do not allow themselves explicit metacognitive access to the choice.

and when i tell broken people about emotions they play-act as if they are this sticky thing or some fixed attribute. trying to erase all contingencies on why i decided to have an emotion.

[somnilogical]

Wait no! Rescinded, delete this and cat joke - now I don’t think you appreciate it, actually. Since these are heavy topics/moods now I’m assume you will hate anon me text’s for implication of disrespect. I asked you a question about nudist beaches before, I mean no harm :(

you meant whatever you meant when you sent that message. im not going to have amnesia.

i dont care about "disrespect", i havent reconstituted a good version of "respect" yet from the horrible ones here.

amnesia, trying to get people to forget things, is goodharting metrics for detecting actually erasing the past. if something bad happened "in the past" i want to actually erase it, not delude myself that it is already erased.

ofc you have leverage over what happened because you are there and can decide what your actions ultimately mean by deciding what algorithm you were then and now. (and lying to yourself about what your choice is, instead of deciding is again goodharting.)

[somnilogical]

All else aside, that cat 🐈 looks pretty funny in (mug shot?) dressed like so - that jail cell is missing 1 bar! If it wasn’t missing we wouldn’t be able to see in full view the strong 💪 kitty’s 🐱 corporeal/spiritual imprisonment XD

i hate it when humans anthropomorphize nonhumans. and almost all cats are predators.

there is no "all else aside" ill evaluate everything with my entire brain.

all meaning bleeds together. that terf by their image was claiming i was a predator who was guilty (the way humans "joke" about their nonhuman slaves being guilty) and small and ineffectual who they want to be a cop towards and send to the rape pits. in service of their dark lord, the Lone Power.

and then trying to get me to accept this as "playful". except i know what actual playfulness is and i know how cops act when they are trying to establish a rapport and rhythm while trying to traumatize you into accepting their domination as the natural order.

"im going to imprison you and you know deep down that you kind of deserve it haha" no i dont deserve it.

same as "teachers" who are really wardens at prison-for-children. "you know what you are doing, youre just trying to be disruptive. youre ruining prison time for all of your peers." et cetera et cetera et cetera

[somnilogical]

horrible to hear from the evil-and-building-metacognitive-awareness-of-it side of tumblr. troll line at the top of their blog.

what was that spell to destroy peoples choice to become dementors? avada kedavra?