Dick : *goes undercover at a Diamond District strip club in order to catch a notorious crime boss*
Red Hood & Arsenal : *working surveillance tech while also being simultaneous guides in Dick’s two-way earpiece*
Dick : *grinding shamelessly with a customer to get the absorption of their target in the club*
Red Hood : *over two-way* daaayum, is it hot in here or is it just me ?
Dick : *hissing below the music* you’re supposed to be on watch. i’m doing my job. do your’s, Red
Red Hood : don’t look like much of a job to me. looks more like play. shit Dickie, ya got the whole club lookin’ at you
Arsenal : *intercepting their feed* 🎶 –apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, the whole club was lookin’ at her 🎶
Dick : *currently ignoring the childish chatter going on in his ear piece*
Red Hood : Arsenal’s got eyes on our target who’s currently up in the VIP room, basically takin’ refuge behind body guards; god damned pussy…
Red Hood : a’ight. now I’m gettin’ an update that ‘our little friend’ has specifically asked for you
Dick : got it. I’m on my way up
Red Hood : your ass better be; it’s time ta bust down Thotiana
Red Hood : we’re using code names, aren’t we ??
Dick : yes we are; “RED HOOD ”
Red Hood : yes exactly; “THOTIANA ”
Dick : oh my god. stop talking.
*Later LATER in the Night*
Crime Boss : *successfully captured*
Dick : *hand cuffing his unconscious body to a pole*
Red Hood : *wiping blood from his helmet* gotta say, you look real sexy right now slappin’ those cuffs on a criminal dressed like that, Officer Thiccness
Dick : just shut up and call The Bat
Batman : *entering the room*
Arsenal : well that was mighty quick as fuck
Batman : *stoically examining the bruised and unconscious crime boss*
Batman : …I suppose that I do have to hand it to you three, what with just how quick the success of tonight was while in comparison to most cases of this nature
Red Hood : I mean, seein’ as the real issue with these types of undercover pursuits is always about gettin’ the target to come to YOU ? well, you can just basically scrap that extended time frame of bullshit when in using Dickie here as the lure
Arsenal : it especially went easy tonight considering his P A R T I C U L A R choice in outfit 👌 however, those bootylicious shorts with the leather boots ?? oooh man, absolute perfection Dickie Baby, you chose the right highway
Dick : *defensively* FIRST of ALL–!! Red Hood is the one who gave me this outfit I’M not the one who had it in MY closet !!
Arsenal : damn… so, you wear that ??
Robin : *letting himself into the room*
Robin : Batman, I took the initiative to secure the locale where–*distractedly staring at Dick*
Robin : *blushing like mad*
Robin : *doesn’t know where to look*
Robin : GRAYSON !! JUST WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING !
Dick : *aware of just how short his shorts are*
Robin : QUITE APPARENTLY ‘NOTHING !’
Arsenal : cool your jets, Robin.
Red Hood : yeah man, be considerate. how else did you expect Thotiana to bust down ? ?
Dick : i’m never teaming up with you two again.
Dick : *boots clicking as he leaves*
Red Hood : pick your jaw up, Robin. I mean like, i get that you just got your first taste of puberty’an all but god damn, there’s people in the room. control yourself
Crime Boss : *waking up to The Batboys rolling around the room fighting while Arsenal uploads the entire thing to Snapchat*
Crime Boss : *sobbing* ALLL I WANTED WAS A FUCKING LAAP DANCEEEE WTF BRO—
Batman : and all I ever want is one normal family interaction; but here we are
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