Have you noticed, that when someone is telling you about a devastating ordeal in their life, and you get horrified, pained, and overwhelmed just from thinking about it, that you always imagine how that would feel on top of all of the pain you already have? Because for you, the pain and trauma you already have, is the default state, you can’t imagine someone else’s pain without what’s already on your plate. Whenever I feel concerned and upset for what other people have on their plates, I almost always feel that I would in no way be able to deal with that, wouldn’t be able to survive it. Because I’m adding it to everything I already have on my plate, and adding more would immediately overwhelm it.
I never considered how impossible it is to accurately imagine someone else’s situation, if your own is all you have to go off from. I feel it might be the reason some of us are empathic to the point where someone else’s pain always seems bigger and worse than our own – because we don’t consider it on its own, we add it to our own, and consider how big it would be then. We also fail to consider that our pain might be so big, that adding anything else to it would immediately be too much, it’s why we’re able to minimize it, we assume everyone else is already dealing with that level of pain, and then some extra on top.
That’s why it might feel like we’re not actually dealing with that much, when we’re close to overwhelm at all times. We compare ourselves to others even unconsciously, because we’re still unsure if ours is ‘that bad’ and if we’re 'weak for not handling it better’. Enduring as much pain as possible while acting stoic is not a mission that should ever be given to human beings, especially not children. It doesn’t matter if we’re weak or strong, this goes against our nature. We crave reassurance and comfort and cease of pain, and that’s what we should get to be healthy and well, regardless of the level of pain we’re in. Being forced to not cry out, to not reach out, to not even express that we’re in pain and look for someone who potentially has it worse, as a way to make ourselves feel bad about 'not being able to take it’, are all unhealthy, harmful ways to live. Nobody should be conditioned to compete with how much they can endure, or believe that they’re weak if they can’t. Nobody has the capacity to endure all the pain at once. Nobody should be forced to act like their pain isn’t there. Any amount of pain is a reason to get compassion and support. It doesn’t have to be the worst pain in the world. It doesn’t have to be compared to anyone’s.
areudirty
ellievsbear
yousharknotpass
