weird bitches have feelings too

Sarina. 30s. She/Her.

[sophisti-cunted]

CW for food stuff

My doctor put me on a short course of low dose amitryptilane to see if it would help trick my nerves into being a bit less bitchy. I knew it could have an impact on appetite but like... things actually taste better. The chili chips I ate last night, my coffee this morning... like, this is the week to eat the things I enjoyed as a child that disappointed me when I tried to return to them as an adult. This is the week I might actually have the motivation to cook a meal and to put my (limited) energy towards that... like, oh yeah, there's a difference between appetite and low blood sugar or the other body cues I have to pay attention to because I haven't -cared- much about food in so long (and the last time I did it was in the no good very bad ED way). My taste buds are literally less dull than they were three days ago... I hope some of it can linger when I go off this medication because it would be great for my diet to be inspired to eat. But even if I can just work back into routines of preparing food that isn't toast... godsend.

[sophisti-cunted]

Yesterday I found out my girlfriend was 9 the first time she heard her parents having an argument. We were at their 50th anniversary lunch.

I started welling up, because that experience is... very different to my own. Tonight I was talking with a friend about the scary conflict diffusion and mediation tactics we'd developed by that age to try to create some temporary sense of calm at home.

But like... I also found out about that yesterday because I never thought to ask about it. Because it never occurred to me that people go that long without hearing their caretakers argue. And like... no wonder she is so functional and reasonable and not PRIMED for a conflict at every turn. Like, these parents were definitely not perfect and have shortcomings that have left their mark on her... but wow. The ability to not be scared that everything is a lightning rod? The lack of hypervigilance and trying to forestall and avoid anything that could possibly go wrong to make the other person comfortable and happy? I've never really understood what a -lack- of that kind of dysfunction looks like. I love her so much and FUCK my reactions must seem incomprehensible to her sometimes.

... at least the hypervigilance makes me VERY good at getting parents to like me despite... everything else about me.

[sophisti-cunted]

Got real autistic at Buffy trivia last night and worked out the original air date of Once More With Feeling. Is it something I just know? No. Is it something I could guess with a high degree of accuracy due to Buffy knowledge, understanding of American broadcasting schedules and remembering that 9/11 was a Wednesday? Apparently. I'm proud. And a bit scared of the part of my brain that could have been using those formative years to learn whole other languages 😅

[misscromwellsmonocle]

The Lazy Italian Girl (1757) by Jean Baptiste Greuze

[sophisti-cunted]

Also... the carpet in this fucking place seems to have never been steamed, and we had no turnaround time to do it before moving in. Any ideas on how to steam (or otherwise deeply) clean the carpet of a unit when you can't easily move all your damn shit out of it? It's disgusting. I think there is dried gum in it.

[sophisti-cunted]

My 2026 resolution is breathe in less black mold. I've already bought a dehumidifier and promised myself I will break this fucking lease if something happens.

[farm-lesbian]

maybe we’ll get new joanna newsom in 2026

[sophisti-cunted]

I still can't decide whether to try to tolerate Laneway this year. Can I help that I have the music taste of an intolerable 19-23 year old??? Mostly annoyed that PinkPantheress isn't doing sideshows, already have a ticket for the Oklou. Ugh. Hate to feel too old to deal with young people! Last year was okay because there was a fair quantity of 30 something homos in attendance, idk if Chaps is gonna bring in quite the same crowd.

[sophisti-cunted]

Did the downstairs neighbour really need to choose today to start a full unit reno, with no warning? While it's so humid? While it's threatening rain? While the air is full of smoke? While I am so tired? No escape. 🫠

[sophisti-cunted]

Go you! 60-something year old man on skateboard with no protective gear, go you! How are you doing fellow kids!!!!!

[sophisti-cunted]

A rly fun thing about my psychologist is that she also grew up poor so she reacts correctly to money and wealth-related things. I just realised that's probably not super common and I will mention it to her next time. It's not even just the really difficult disruptive desperate stuff! It's mentioning my girlfriend's parents have a holiday house and going 'woah!'

[sophisti-cunted]

We have two weeks left here and they had to send out an emergency locksmith on Saturday to replace the entire deadbolt fixture because the only lock on the only entrance to the apartment refused to lock. Cost the landlord substantially more than a week of our rent.

People keep asking me if I'm going do something vengeful and truly... there's just no need (though they'll get hell if they try to withhold a cent of our bond). They are getting EXACTLY what comes of ignoring a property for decades and using shoddy ass diy fixes.

(They knew about the lock for months before the notice to vacate and didn't do anything about it until we told them post-notice that it wouldn't last 60 days. And yeah, that locksmith? Fuckin sucked! And was clearly instructed to work the cheapest, quickest fix possible).

[glittergroovy]

Drums of Death - FKA twigs

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

(lulling you) secure yet?

[ach-sss-no]

when brandon sanderson talks about villains in his famous free youtube writing class video lectures he'll say 'what's the difference between gollum and sauron' and of course he means the villain that's present in the narrative and characterized in a way the audience can potentially relate to or sympathize with vs. the looming threatening anonymous far-off force (among other things). but every time he asks that i think 'well one of those guys tracked down frodo and got his ring back'

[adastra96]

[sophisti-cunted]

I'm so grateful that this song came out at this particular time in my life. 'I think I'm gonna die in this house' ... I relate. I feel it. It is very much the mood of the moment with every horrible discovery I make while cleaning and packing. Thank you Charli. Thank you John. Thank you inspirationally mouldy old English houses.

[sophisti-cunted]

I wish I were capable of going full minimalist just so I'd have less shit to clean in the new apartment. But my THINGS. MY PRECIOUS THINGS!!!

I hate that I can start out not as a hoarder but be really brutal in my cut-back and still have so much fucking shit. I really envy people who can leave sentimental old books, diaries, knick-knacks etc at a parents' place.

My physical media! My precious dusty physical media!!!

My girlfriend brought me an industrial respirator from her work to wear while cleaning and packing. The thing is... it's the toxic must and dust here that made it so hard for me to clean in the first place because it kept fucking me up so bad. I hate that I may have to get rid of some of my coolest ephemera because of dust or space!!! I have some really cool shit!!! Why are apartments so small!!! Why is dust so evil!!!!