sitting here, in my new home in Chicago, listening to my boyfriend write music on the bed. I’ve never met someone so creative, I don’t know how he comes up with anything that he does. He amazes me everyday.. I’ve never had someone take care of me the way he does. I’ve never had someone care so much about my wellbeing. He did my laundry yesterday and brought me coffee today during work and picked up my T from the pharmacy for me. He just does things for me all the time to make my life easier and I feel like I don’t deserve this. This is all too good to be true.. but it’s not. He loves me, somehow.
Everything about myself that I was told was gross from past relationships he loves. He loves my leg hair and my armpit hair and he loves me without eyebrows- and i’ve been told multiple times by “someone” that I look horrible without them and should never go without. He likes it when I wear button ups, he says I look nice and masculine.. when before I was just told I look horrible in them. When I told him I wanted to wear by binder he supported me, whereas someone else had just told me I was feeding into my eating disorder (?). I can be myself and it’s interesting finding out who that truly is. I feel like I finally understand how a relationship should be. I’ve been in two manipulative relationships in a row and I guess that’s just how I thought things worked. i was used to putting in all the work, the hard work, doing everything to not make the others upset.. because when they were upset, it was obviously my fault, always. Everything was my fault and I completely drained myself for years on end. This is so opposite of that it doesn’t even feel real. so, anyway.
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