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i am trying my best

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i actually got to see mcr live, my biggest inspirations standing in front of me. i’ve never happy cried so intensely before.

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i’m not really sure if things are getting better for me but they might be. schools starting soon, im seeing mcr next month, i relapsed but i don’t hate myself for it, i dyed my hair again, and i think im finally ready to give up smoking. still dissociating a lot, still have an unhealthy relationship with my body, my head and limbs still feel heavy. but tonight i looked at cats through a cafe window, bought vegan sushi for my partner, and caught the bus at 8:30pm and i feel alright.

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some pictures of myself i actually like and some doodles

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the last month or two i’ve been gone have been eventful. a little traveling, a lot of skating. things have been up and down. i’m working a lot, which is good because money but i’m exhausted. i need a break but i hate being alone. i need to learn how to exist by myself again. currently in desperate need of more tattoos.

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it been a while, i love this blog but keep forgetting it exists

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photos from antiquing

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happy pride month :)

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i love the intersection of art, music, and queerness in my life rn

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not sure how i’m doing recently, things are very much up and down. but this weekend was rlly nice, my best friend from back home visited me, i gave myself another tattoo, and i went to another house show. the mosh pit was so much fun but now i’m sore and covered in bruises.

it’s rainy today and that always puts me in an off mood. sometimes it’s cozy and i feel happy about getting to sit inside. but it also makes me feel lazy and somewhat dissociative ??

anyways, currently going to the grocery store in an outfit i don’t really like to remind myself that i’m not a spectacle for the consumption of others. why is this so hard

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i have too many bad habits

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some more life updates…

unemployed but trying to change that, i need more friends, dissociating a lot, bad at being alone, feeling very physically and mentally unwell, skating more consistently, trying to learn to breathe, i rlly love my partner, so many bruises ???, dyed my hair reddish, dreading the future, super low self esteem, tired. really tired.

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feeling bad today but i think tomorrow will be good. at least i always have music, over the garden wall, and my skateboard.

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i think everything is going to be ok

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spent like all day at the skatepark, traded some art for a bunch of stickers and a cassette, and talked to some new people too. it was a very good day :)

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so ready for school to get out. i’m tired.