My Journal.

Random thoughts, ideas and whatever.

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

It's only a matter of time now. When I start pushing people away again.

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

I talked to my friend Anh about everything I've been feeling. It feels like some weight was lifted from me. Now I can only wonder where that lifted weight has gone. I hope he isn't suffering because of it. That's always my worry.

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

I woke up today, and realized that I am not doing so well. I guess that's always been my normal but, today feels different.

Like a new version of... Not doing well.

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

How are you

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

I'm alive i guess

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

Hello world

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

People say it's okay to be selfish SOMETIMES... But ....when I need to be selfish, I feel like a horrible person.

And I'm made out to be the villian. Ugh.

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

Honestly, I'm doing so bad. I feel like a plastic bag floating in the air. Going nowhere. Today, I cut myself for the first time in my life, and I never thought it would release my tension and everything.... But it did.... And felt so good. Like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

I asked my friend today if I could chill at his place or something cause I have been really down and was hoping I could be somewhat selfish in this and help myself to like.... A feeling of ignorance to my mental problems. He was "willing" to help me. But he was asking questions like "how long do you want me each day?" "Is it going to be 24/7?"

Yeah I get he has his own life.... But at the same time, I've helped him when he was down. He hasn't yet helped me when I'm down. I'm starting to feel like it's just one-sided.

Honestly. I can't do this anymore.

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

I'm thinking of writing a poem, to release to my father's poetry group. I think that will be pretty cool

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

Btw my dad discouraged it. Dark poetry isn't welcome there ig

Makes sense... Since there is children there. But like also... I've done it before :/

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

I'm a wreck.

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

Or maybe I've always known I was in hell.... And I just realized it idk I'm just reaching at this point

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

Wow. I went to hell real fast over the past weeks.

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

I cut my self for the first time in my life today. And.... honestly.... It really helped release the pain.... and at the same time, it made me feel something. It felt good.

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

Well

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getting eye surgery..... Possibility of going blind. Not feeling good

[sorrowfuldeath-exe]

Dnfjsnfnwujfdhjfiwjfjfie

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Waiting for a peer mentor... To judge my flier. Even though their suppose to help... But I always feel bad about how had my flier is.