Episode 3 of Moonlight Chicken. Y’all. Please tell me I wasn’t the only person ugly crying through this entire thing.
It’s the conversation about college not being the right choice for everyone.
It’s the inevitable change coming for both Jim and Wen, which neither of them quite knows how to face.
It’s Wen’s loving relationship with his stepdad being the thing Jim needed to realize he can be a father to Li Ming too.
It’s Heart & Li Ming talking less and less as they understand each other more and more.
It’s sharing a learned language as a metaphor for queer awakening (and a beautiful homage to ITSAY).
It’s the way time itself is another character in the story, with the comfortable presence of the long stretches of nothing that characterize adult life.
It’s the way our shared human rituals provide us a framework for measuring our relationships with others.
It’s two gay men having a conversation about parenting.
It’s the reverent depiction of the many complexities and different types of love, not reduced at all but instead given shape by color and light and story.
It’s the fact that Li Ming is safe in Heart’s bed because they can communicate in total silence.
In the Half My Life MV, in the beginning the story is framed as Whale falling from the sky. A visual metaphor that I haven't seen mentioned yet, is how, when they're at the costume dance party, both Whale and Talay are dressed as Batman and Robin, two characters that are based on creatures that can fly. And Whale and Talay were having fun--so much fun--feeling happy and free and like they could soar together. But those were just costumes that mere men wore as disguises. These costumes could not cover up who they truly were inside, that the men who wore them would never be able to actually fly. After all, it was Whale who was trying to escape something that made him fall--not fly--into Talay's life.
So when Talay turned his attention from Whale and towards the possibility of another romantic interest, it made Whale feel like he was falling again, that he needed to escape into solitude again. So isn't it fitting that Whale went as low as he could go, he literally went underground into an empty, drained swimming pool. A whale should feel at home in the water, but Whale found the one place that should be full of water but was devoid of it. A place that would make an actual whale feel claustrophobic; the claustrophobia only amplified by the sounds of the open water lapping up on the shore that could be heard in the background. But Whale thought that maybe the claustrophobia could be comforting, maybe he could ignore the sound of the open surf beckoning him away, ignoring how the world always told him he didn't deserve a way home, but a way out. If he retreated far enough, went low enough, he could escape the weight that the fear of loss was pressing down onto his chest.
And then Talay shows up above him in his superhero garb, full of smiles and relaxation, bringing his camaraderie down to where Whale was wallowing. And maybe this was his way of rescuing Whale from his solitude once again. After all it was Talay putting his hands on Whale's face, it was Talay looking into Whale's eyes, it was Talay putting his head on Whale's shoulder. Was this him promising a companionship beyond friendship to Whale? The idea seemed impossible but also made his heart fly, so before he could talk himself out of it, Whale tried reaching for it, tried to manifest his soaring hope into reality.
But no, he asked for too much from this world. Whale tried asking for more and was once again told that he wasn't allowed to ask for anything. He can't ask people to be with him because he is the embodiment of a soul destined to be alone lest he be abandoned first. He lept towards Talay, wishing for a brief moment he could fly, but then he smacked hard onto reality. He wished for too much again. He cannot forget his life is only meant for solitude. And so Whale was left in that empty swimming pool, alone, in a place that would surely suffocate any whale just trying to survive, let alone breathe freely and fully. He's left with the bitter reminder that whales cannot fly into others' lives, but instead they're meant to swim away, letting their calls fade away into vast depths of the ocean.
all i’m saying is nothing is quite as gay as being in a fight with someone for months, vague posting emo lyrics on main comparing yourselves to the sun and a wilting flower, reuniting on set and your director getting you to kiss your feelings out, making up and going back to living together full time and replacing the lyrics with bed and bath pics.
Ok I started my rewatch of episode 8 and figured out what I want to talk about for this series' finale: intentions and resolutions. This post will be about intention, and how I truly feel that Moonlight Chicken is a gift for queer people. Why? Well, there are many reasons, but for the purposes of this post, I will simply present the following title card.
Moonlight Chicken, Chapter 8: The Self-made House and Home
(if you are expecting this post to be anything other than a jumbled mess of my personal experiences with no clear through-lines or relevant transitions between sentences, thoughts, etc. then turn back now)
Whatever we want to say boy loves started as, fetish or otherwise, queer people are still able to see themselves or get comfort and representation. But coming from watching literally 25 boy loves in the last four months, this show feels different from most (not all) of them, to me, because of how strongly this show centers around built community, rather than romance, as it's central theme.
And yeah while any standard friend group in BL could be considered community in the abstract, the idea that they are a community is never quite presented. It's Team taking food from Pharm and all three of the gang teasing each other, it's Kuea and Diao spending most of their time talking about their relationships, it's Porsche forgetting Pete exists because he's so caught up in Kinn. More often than not we are building towards and hoping for declarations of love between two characters. And do not get me wrong, that is all well and good, and always what I'm rooting for in those shows. And we get something akin to that in Moonlight Chicken too, which is when you finally have Li Ming and Jim calling Heart and Wen (respectively) their boyfriends.
But the "I love you" we get in Moonlight Chicken? That isn't between the couples, it's between Li Ming and Jim.
Because the thing that makes Moonlight Chicken different from other BLs is the emphasis it puts on queer elders raising queer youth. It's about queer youth learning from queer elders and queer elders learning from queer youth. It's about how home and birth families don't always fit quite right, and how you build families and homes despite. And it's applicable to many people, children in abusive homes, disabled people, etc. too. Which is why P'Aof adds strained parental relationships and deafness in to this piece. But because this is fundamentally a BL show, I'm viewing this more through a queer lens.
So naturally, this also means I am informing my analysis of this show through my feelings as the only (known/out/visible) queer person on either side of my family. When I was little, a decade or more before I realized I was queer, I asked my mother one night if I was adopted. I'm not, and I know that, but why did I ask? Because I never really felt like I fit. Not the way I was supposed to fit, not the way family was supposed to fit together. My house never felt like a home.
And it's why I love this exchange between Wen and Jim at the end of episode 2
"I want home," "Don't you already have one?" "I don't." "A person like me doesn't fit to be anyone's home,"
And technically we know this isn't true. Wen does have a home, he has a condo, he has a place to sleep. But emotionally is where the problem lies. Wen is living with his ex, the apartment is cold, he has work colleagues and a friend that he and his ex both know and that's it. And as he tells Jim in episode 7, all his friends are straight. And then he meets Jim, and there is a spark, and maybe it's possible for home to grow there.
Literally, physically, I have a home. I have a family. But the more I embrace my queerness, the more I understand and am comfortable with myself, the more isolating and cold that house and family feel. I'm such a different person now than I was, and there are homophobes and transphobes on both sides of my family, and that makes it hard for me to feel like I am loved. Even when logically I know I am. But it's hard, when your mother says she accepts you and has yet to use my pronouns properly despite me being out to her for over a year and having three separate conversations about it. When your uncle spends twenty minutes or more complaining about trans people, when your cousins don't think trans people should exist. That's my family...technically. That's my home...technically. But it hasn't felt like that in years. So I understand what Wen means here, Wen's definition of home is not a place it is a feeling.
And Jim? We know Jim is already everyone's home. He is home for Li Ming, he is the closest thing to a parent that Leng has in his life, he makes sure the community not only has food, but has as much as food as they could possibly eat. He is first and foremost a community caretaker. But he is so wrapped up in his grief about Beam, his self-hatred, his stubbornness, his exhaustion that he is not able to believe that about himself. Home is a place and not a feeling for Jim, because he can't allow it to be.
The key to Wen and Jim's relationship is finding and building that home.
Home, Family, Community. These are incredibly important themes to Moonlight Chicken and those themes are incredibly important aspects of being queer.
I don't know how Thailand is re: homophobia and transphobia, if kids risk the same chance of getting kicked out of their homes for being queer, etc. But that is a very real possibility for many queer people in the States. But I'm thinking of homelessness in queer youth, how 28% of queer youth have reported experiencing homelessness in their lives. I'm thinking of ballroom and ball culture and how participants in the Ballroom scene were parts of Houses with mothers and fathers at the head of them who acted as mentors to their queer children. When I think about queerness and what it means, I think about ballroom. I think about connection, I think about community.
But that community is often forged from necessity borne out of isolation. What do I mean by isolation? I mean the isolation that Li Ming feels in school, around his school friends. I mean the faces Li Ming makes when his friends are talking about girls:
I mean the physical barriers the show places between Li Ming and his school friends.
It is the isolation that comes with queerness, with poverty, with everything about Li Ming. Beyond the fact Wen is a little younger than Jim and thus better able to understand and see Li Ming's desires to be seen as an adult. I think it is this state of listlessness in Li Ming is also something Wen recognizes. I think at this point Li Ming is so desperate to get away, to go to America, to be listened to and respected by Jim.
Jim who is too caught up in constant stress to see the home he has built for himself, Li Ming who is too caught up in wanting to be understood to appreciate that he has a home to run from. Wen who is working as a go between for Li Ming and Jim because he wants them to be his home. Heart who has been trapped at home and found his freedom because Li Ming understands the frustration of misunderstanding, and the importance of community.
I'm thinking about how so much of the final episodes are dedicated to showing community, showing family, showing the audience that home lies in the collective.
We see it in how many people rush to help Mrs. Hong:
We see it in the people who help you carry your grief:
We see it in how deeply and broadly the pain is felt when community pillars are lost:
We see it in the end of and era:
We see it in the olive branches:
And in new beginnings:
Very few people in these shots are connected through blood, but they are a family. And when I look at these shots the only thing I can think about is how I felt the night I threw a party for all my trans friends. All I can think about when I see these shots of everyone sitting and eating together is how many times I would look over to my friends and see them beaming. How many times someone came up to me to excitedly say this is the first time they felt like they could fully be themselves. How everyone kept asking to do an event like this again. How everyone kept asking to be added to a group chat at the end of the night so they could keep in contact.
And I remember how it felt for me to realize that I had built a community for myself in a place that I have really been struggling to feel was home. Because I had spent so much time in school and work, barley able to scrape together enough money to cover expenses, exhausted and stressed and unable to see what I had sitting right in front of me.
And I think about other queer people I have met, who light up when they see someone else who is gay, who talk about how lonely they feel because they only have one other queer friend. How immediately the need to invite them out, to introduce them to people, to make sure they have community strikes.
I think about how I worked at a summer camp out of state, and got to try out my pronouns, and figure out who I was, and then a few months later, I had to return home. Where I wasn't out yet, where I was going to get misgendered, and how quickly I came out to all of my close friends about my gender identity to try to mitigate how much my mental health tanked when I had to be someone my parents thought I still was. How at the same camp, the queer kids flocked to all the queer staff, how desperate they were to bond. How much lighter they got to be when they were away from their parents and allowed to be themselves around people who also understood not only them as people with the identities they held, but also their struggles existing in a household that didn't see who they were.
I think about how, in the States at least, "are you family?" is/was used as code for "are you gay?"
It's why it is so important to me that Moonlight Chicken ends with the line: "I just built a home. I don't want to move anywhere."
Because Wen has finally built his home. Because he has found his family, his queer community, his home. And yeah, we get the romance, yeah we get Li Ming and Heart holding hands, and Jim and Wen making out, but the emphasis of the final episode is moving forward, being brave, allowing yourself to love, and allowing yourself to stop, look around, and realize that you've made a home for yourself that is built of the people you love who love you in return.
Community building is a huge part of life for literally everyone, but it vital to the survival of marginalized communities. And when I think about my own relationship to queerness, one of the most sacred and important aspects of being queer is building the family you need.
Wen loved Jim so hard for so long the force of his unyielding love dismantled Jim’s isolating emotional walls brick by brick and then used those bricks to rebuild a home around them all
This brings us to the end of finale week, and I couldn't ask for a better show to close us out.
Yesterday, Alan opted to stay with his family instead of compelling Wen to take care of him. Also, Jim and Wen went on a cute date..Jam came to the house to tell Li Ming that she wants to remarry and also wants to be a mother to him now. Li Ming did not want any of this at all because they have never been close, she didn't raise him, and be doesn't want her making decisions for him.
Meanwhile, Jim accidentally outed Li Ming to his mom as Jim struggled with his own fears and insecurities about Li Ming. He and Jam had a not-great conversation about it, and so Jim went to talk to Wen about it. Wen gave Jim some perspective, and Jim gave Wen probably the best sniff kiss we've seen in a very long time.
Unfortunately, Mrs. Hong passed away, and we spent the back half of the episode on her funeral. Khaotung destroyed us with his performances, and the funeral opened up all of the characters to think about where they are. Li Ming and Jim reconciled. Jim cleared things with Alan, who met Gaipa at the funeral. Heart and his family came to the funeral. Jim finally decided to let go of the restaurant and set down his burdens.
We just started and I'm already crying! Jim feels so much lighter now that the restaurant and Li Ming aren't weighing him down. He's also finally acting like a gay uncle. He's helping guide Jam away from Li Ming and assuring her he'll help his nephew.
Chapter 8: The Self-made House and Home
It's such a relief to see Li Ming comfortable around Jim again.
Big fan of the "Person's for Men" hoodie.
I love Wen. I want to be this bold in love.
Fourth has incredible chemistry with Lookwa. I get why they paired them twice. Jam has had a messy romantic history her son has witnessed. I get why she values his approval.
There are so many people like Gaipa, who went on to get degrees that they don't necessarily get to use. I don't think they should be ashamed of the lives they've built.
I like that Wen and Gaipa never turned nasty with each other over Jim.
This party was so sweet. Saleng is being that cousin again. Li Ming taught Heart how to cut chicken. Wen made fuck-me eyes at Jim. Jim basked in the warmth of his little family.
I like how double-speak is a constant character trait of Alan's.
Heart's mom is really trying. I'm glad they told her about the school Heart wants to attend.
Heart and Li Ming are so adorable that it almost hurts. Fourth is all about kissing the homies.
I see Earth and Fourth aren't just gonna give me a break. "When did you know yourself?" is really the question. I don't mind Li Ming not answering, but the way he answers tells me he always knew about his uncle and chose to live with him because he didn't want to figure himself out with anyone else. I'm so glad Jim reiterated that there's nothing wrong with him, even as Li Ming gives the kid answer that getting money is more important.
That hug from behind? I think that was inspired by all of the GMMTV actors hugging Aof that way. Gosh, Fourth is really a special talent.
Big fan of this last minute complication in Wen's promotion.
The "Welcome Back Foam Fest" shirt is foreshadowing Tinn's fantasy in My School President.
First and Khaotung are so powerful. They sailed an entire ship in two scenes.
Kinda like the idea of Jim with a food truck.
Oh, I'm crying because of Mark Pakin again. Leng got the necklace back, and is working well enough that Praew can focus on carrying for their son, Jason.
Jim took Wen to meet his sister's new family and called him boyfriend. Wen is giddy in his seat over it.
I said this earlier, but Lookwa and Fourth work so well together. I like how she immediately tried to use sign to thank Heart. You can see her making the decision to get the money for Li Ming to go with Heart to America.
They really did the thing with Heart and Li Ming. I see why GMMTV greenlit them for Our Skyy 2 even before My School President released.
I really love how Aof's compassion and empathy infuses his characters. Yes, Jam was not a good mother to Li Ming, but she's trying to do right by him now. Life is the future, and she's doing what she can now to help Li Ming the way he wants to be helped.
They saw the shift in demeanor when Li Ming stopped being so angry and knew that Fourth and Gemini could carry a show.
I really love Alan joining their little family at the end here. Of course Saleng is going to tease Gaipa. I also like that Wen is learning sign language as well. What a beautiful final shot.
What a pleasant epilogue. Loved the metaphor about there being nothing wrong with the DVD, and rather it just being the player. You are still capable of love. You just need to try a different player.
Final Verdict: 10, Must Watch. This was Aof's best work so far with his best cast. This show managed all of its threads flawlessly without a single missed beat. Everyone is dialed in the entire time to tell a story about the families we build and the love we bring to our communities. In so many ways this feels like Aof in conversation with Boss from I Told Sunset About You. I have such high hopes for the future of queer storytelling out of Thailand after the last week.
Hello and welcome to another round of Moonlight Chicken Posts That Literally No One @respectthepetty Specifically Asked For:
Heart Edition Round ?? i've lost count.
Mx. RTP may have gotten me hooked on red/blue through clothing but my first and truest love will always be lighting so I need everyone, but especially Professional Life Ruin-er Formerly Known as "Petty" (you're my best friend now, sorry I don't make the rules), to understand that this specific lighting ruined my life. Like on a cellular level, my body is a wasteland, my mind will never recover. Stepping in from the outside world, from Heart's world, Heart's life, Heart's home in to the rich, red, warmth of Li Ming's world, Li Ming's home. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, if my memory serves me correctly we never see Heart in warm lighting until the end of Episode 4, and we definitely don't see Heart in red lighting until Episode 5. Up until this point when Li Ming and Heart are together, there is always blue lighting on them, and especially when they are in Heart's home there is always a blue wash on the whole scene. So finally, finally we get red lighting babyyyyyy, fuck yeah!
Ok, sorry, I'm normal again.
Initial thoughts going in to the actual scene are as follows: 1. Stripes, my beloved! 2. Heart is so head over heels for Li Ming it's ridiculous.
Anyway, I love the small little smile that Heart has on his face here when Li Ming is essentially giving him an 'I told you so' to Heart about asking his Mom. I know that Li Ming sees Heart earlier on in the episode, but he isn't present for the conversation between Li Ming and his mother so regardless of whether he knows that Li Ming talked to her, I don't think he knows the specifics. But he follows this comment up with "You're smart. You can persuade her." Obviously he knows that something happened because Heart's mother has never listened to her son before, why would she start now?
So! Much! Red! Lighting! They are in love your honor. I am so grateful for every moment we get to see of Li Ming and Heart alone together having fun. They may be on the edge of adulthood, but there is still so much repressed youth in them that has been dying to get out and can't because it's been contained by parental shame, by the need to work to survive, by the nature of generational gaps and unsuccessful attempts to protect your loved ones.
When Heart and Li Ming are by themselves (with the exception of the post confrontation mental breakdown session in Ep. 5) there is so much joy between them. And look at Li Ming, he is so proud of himself here, for successfully persuading Heart's mother to let Heart leave the house. They don't have to sneak out anymore, Heart's parents are finally starting to understand that they can't make their son problem go away if they just keep Heart cooped up.
Once again like father-figure uncle like nephew, Li Ming has found himself a love interest that is also obsessed with the family cat. Honestly, this cat is living the dream, all he has to do all day is be held for approximately 30 seconds and get fed a fuck ton of treats. So far this scene is just very cute, Heart taking in his surroundings, attaching himself immediately to the cat, absolutely bathed in red light. And there is something so simple I love about the set up this moment brings to the important turning point that immediately follows...
Heart's holding the cat with both his hands. He can't text or sign.
Side Note: I am curious if Thai sign language has finger spelling.
And here we go! Heart speaks, not just vocalizes, it's not an exclamation of surprise, it's not a shuddering breath, or a sob. It's not a squeak or random sound Heart makes because he can't hear how loud he is being. Up until this point, every time we have heard a sound from Heart it has been unintentional. This is the first time we hear Heart speak. And importantly, he doesn't have to. He doesn't have to say anything. There isn't anything urgent, nothing that would require a sound to get Li Ming's immediately attention. He doesn't need to say Jimbo's name, literally right before this he looked at Li Ming and pointed to the cat. He could have ended the acknowledgement there. But he doesn't. He speaks. And he absolutely does not look at Li Ming while he does it. He keeps his eyes trained firmly on the cat in front of him.
I stole this gif from @earthpirapat because I don't know how to make them, and because I need anyone who reads this to see Li Ming's reaction in this moment. He is also looking at Jimbo, because he, like the audience, believes that Heart is going to end his acknowledgement of the cat's name by pointing to the cat. Li Ming is content to watch his friend play with his cat, and that's all he is expecting. Until "yyim-" tickles his ear, and Li Ming's head snaps straight up to Heart's face. You can tell how surprised he is at the way he pulls his head back a bit more to really look at Heart. To make sure that what just happened is actually real when he says "bo".
And I think it's important to know that Heart does not really seem hesitant to speak. He just...does it. What he is hesitant to do is look at Li Ming. He waits a full two seconds after he's said "Jimbo" to look up from the cat he is holding in his arms.
But he has nothing to worry about because when his eyes go to Li Ming, what does he see?
A puppy dog of a man, radiating excitement. Li Ming is beaming. It's funny to me a little bit that the thought has never seemed to cross Li Ming's mind that Heart, who only went deaf three years ago, is actually able to speak. But nevertheless he is thrilled.
"You can speak?" he asks, and he's chuckling a little and pausing and you can see all the gears in his head turning as he signs because it's like his whole worldview just got rocked. And GOD I love this moment so much because from the second that Heart speaks Li Ming's eyes never leave Heart. Or if they do it is literally an unconscious thing that is happening when he's trying to remember his signs. Heart puts Jimbo down and Li Ming literally folds his body in half, to follow Heart's movement, bends over to tap him on the shoulder. "Hey, you can speak?" he says again.
"Yeah? Can you speak again? I want to hear." he asks, and he's baffled. He's losing his signs. Like he is signing successfully to Heart, sure, but it's taking him much longer to create his sentence than it normally does because he's still in such shock over what just happened. That Heart can speak, that he heard his voice. His brain cannot keep up with his emotions.
The face of a man verrryyyy skeptical that his voice would be that exciting for anyone to hear.
"I"
"Want"
"To Hear"
"Your Voice"
I have no thoughts. I have no notes for this. It is just an incredibly powerful moment to me in furthering Li Ming as a safe zone for Heart, as someone trusted and precious. Each sign is deliberate. This is a deliberate request. This isn't a question built on surprise, "wait wait do it again" this is specific. "I want to hear your voice"
Look how pleasantly surprised Heart is. Look how happy, how bewitched he is in this moment. A few weeks back, I wrote a post analyzing Heart's communication. At the time I wrote it, I was doing a lot of speculating about Heart and his ability to talk and what it meant for the character if he could versus if he couldn't. The tl;dr version was me essentially wondering how much agency Heart has over his own isolation. Is he capable of talking and chooses not to to test the people around him, maintaining control of his own isolation, with speaking as a lifeline, or because Thai is a tonal language did he lose the ability to speak because not being able to hear might impede his ability to make distinct tones. Either way he has the ability to talk, it's a matter of whether or not he could be understood if he did vocalize his words.
I got a pretty quick reply from @littlederxxnged with a link to this Tweet quoting P'Aof and Heart's voice:
And if this quote is real, if the reason Heart doesn't speak is because he lacks the confidence to, this makes the scene all the more important and all the more wonderful for me. Because it's showing us, the audience, that Li Ming makes Heart feel confident. Li Ming makes Heart brave.
And I love that I don't get a sense of fear from Heart in any of this. Surprise? Yes. Confusion? Yes. Skepticism? A bit. Hesitation? Absolutely. But it doesn't seem to come from a place of fear. Heart is not afraid of using his voice around Li Ming, and he is never afraid of what Li Ming's reaction will be. He certainly has no idea what Li Ming's reaction will be, but it shows how much trust these two have built in one another, that Heart feels safe enough with Li Ming to test his voice.
I don't know if Heart will speak again the show. I don't care if he does. Speaking is not his primary language anymore and he doesn't owe his voice to anyone. I just want to establish that before I say I find it so much more special that Heart says his own name, rather than Li Ming's here. Why? Because the way I interpret Heart's character at this point is a man who is far more certain about what he wants out of life, now that he is able to live his life again. We get to hear Heart's name, we get to hear Heart speak for himself.
Something really cute about this moment as well is Li Ming's reaction. "I heard you just say your name!" I love that he signs to Heart what he heard. I love it so much. We know that Heart is hesitant to speak, and it takes him a second to get the word out, and I'm sure he can feel the vibrations of his vocal chords when he says his name, but he can't hear it. Li Ming is SO obviously happy, so obviously thrilled.
But this is about Heart, Li Ming's feelings have nothing to do with it. Okay, Li Ming's feelings have everything to do with it for Heart. But Li Ming's initial, gut-reaction response to hearing Heart, hesitantly say his name, is to hype the ever-loving FUCK out of that boy.
"You're great! You're awesome! How can you speak? You're so great. I'm happy." and GOD Heart can't even hear him say it. Li Ming isn't signing here, I mean he is very obviously happy, and very obviously showering Heart in praise. But Heart cannot hear him. For most of the hug he can't even read Li Ming's lips. But the pride, the joy, the excitement is so palpable. He's jumping up and down, you don't really need to hear his words to feel how happy he is about what just happened.
He pulls back "How could you do it? I'm happy. Can you see? I'm so happy," He is talking so fast. He is talking so so fast. He cannot contain himself. But he has integrated himself so much into Heart's life, that despite the fact that he is fully forgetting to sign here, he is touching Heart, he is jumping up and. down with Heart, he is showing Heart how much being trusted with his voice means to him.
Sweet baby angel, you are talking so fast. He sees a bunch of words coming out of your mouth but does not hear what you are saying. And he looks confused because he definitely did not anticipate this strong of a positive reaction to just saying his name. Especially when you consider he isn't confident in his voice. He looks confused because he almost certainly did not anticipate this outcome.
(Ignore the subtitles on that second picture, focus on Heart's smile)
Does Heart owe us his voice? No. Did we ever need to know if he could speak? No. Does this moment hit particular hard after the confrontation scene last episode concerning the use of the term "mute" in reference to Heart. Absolutely. We saw how much it hurt Heart to learn his mother refers to him as mute.
We know Heart has to beg Li Ming to even tell him what she said, Heart can see how much Li Ming hesitated to deliver that blow. He saw how strongly Li Ming was standing against his parents, he's a smart kid. He might not be able to follow the full conversation cause it's happening quickly, and they are shouting which fucks with lip shape to read lips, and Li Ming and his mother are both facing away from him. But he knows his mother said something bad, he knows Li Ming defended him.
It is so so so so so SO important to me that Heart decides to speak in this moment. That he uses his voice casually, to say a cat's name, in private, with just the two of them.
Heart's voice is not a commodity, it's not a novelty. It's a gift. And Li Ming treats it as such. Heart is being vulnerable with Li Ming. Heart hasn't spoken to anyone in three years, and when he does speak in front of Li Ming for the first time Li Ming literally cannot contain his joy. I love how many times the camera cuts to Heart's face in this, to show us to tell us that Heart loves this. That he is surprised by it, but that he is more than happy to speak again, that he is smiling the whole time because he knows how important it is to Li Ming. Because it's important to him too.
If you finished this whole post, congratulations you have won an invisible medal.
The hamster wheel of my brain can’t stop spinning, and I have a bit more meta that I need to chew on for Moonlight Chicken episode 6 (part 1 is here and part 2 is here, and I stg that I need to move awn from this episode at some point – Aof, this is all your fault, I’m getting Bad Buddy-ed again). And whoops, I also have a tad bit of meta for episode 5, too that I forgot to add in that review (here), so here we go – happy Saturday, fam, hope you’re brunching away!
(Ooooh, and also, I updated my MC Big Themes list for eps. 5 and 6. As always, if you have suggestions for great posts for me to list, please send them, and I’ll add them!)
1) Episode 5: I totally forgot to mention in my first review that Aof hasn’t forgotten the big macroeconomic conversation about the impact of the food court on Pattaya. Namely, that business meeting that Wen was in, where the discussion of the purchase of the historic market buildings was happening. When that boss said, “This is Thailand. Big fish always eat small fish.”
I honestly think we see this theme returning in episode 6 – when Alan refuses the loan to Jim. At that moment in time, Alan has resources, he has power. And he admits to Jim: I can’t separate work from personal matters, I can’t administer the loan to you. (Hmph, Mr. Professional, okay.)
Call this an extrapolation, but I wonder if Aof is making a point here. In the end, these big economics are about greed and resource hoarding. Is the food court in Pattaya about a mathematical calculation in “helping” or “investing” back into Pattaya? Or is it about making money at the hands of the private companies and government figures who are allowing the food court to be built?
Is the loan refusal that Alan makes to Jim about protecting Alan’s bank or the bank’s customers? Or is it about Alan’s greed and jealousy towards Jim in wanting Wen back? (I think this is gently reflective of how Alan commodifies Wen in episode 5, when he says to Jim, and I’m paraphrasing, “just return what was taken from me.” Alan is a banker – he’s a resources guy, and thinks in resource terms, even about his love life).
Love, in these instances – a “love” for Pattaya, Alan’s “love” for Wen – is being commodified for rewards and greed.
2) Episode 6: I mentioned this scene in my last two (!! JFC, two) posts about episode 6, so I’m repeating myself, but I really, really loved the scene where Wen was falling asleep on Jim’s lap (yay, it got gif-ed!). For me, there was so, so much in that scene.
I keep coming back to Wen’s line: “Do you take this place as your home?” I wrote before that that line obviously refers to the conversation that opened the episode, about love-as-home, and I also meditated that I think that line could also be a reference to Pattaya itself.
But I think also why this scene is sticking with me is because of the meaning of falling asleep on a lap, in a room like Jim’s living room.
I think it’s just such a genius stroke of Aof to situate Jim’s living arrangement as an old-school house that happens to be a rental. On the one hand, the rental aspect gives the house a temporary nature in Jim’s life – it could disappear at any time. On the other hand, the old-school design and layout gives the house such a rooting in the past – as if the past is still permanent in Jim’s mind and world.
I’m going to take a guess here, but I think there’s deeper meaning to Wen falling asleep on Jim’s lap as they’re situated in Jim’s old-school living room. Those long, flat, wooden-frame couches with the flat cushions. If you grew up in SE Asia, or visited like I did as a kid – you so know those couches. With your uncles sitting on them, with their legs crossed, ankles resting on the opposite knee. Or your uncles and aunties sitting with one leg tucked under them, the other leg with the knee up and foot perched on the couch. Just chilling, talking.
When my fam would visit when I was a kid, and we’d go visiting to all the houses, as soon as we landed on those couches, it was like time slowed down. Our extended family got comfortable with us visiting Americans – and we were all as one again, one big family, chilling, eating fruit, laughing, catching up.
So I’m vibing that there’s an old-school comfort to that room that, I wonder, I think, that scene is referencing. If we were lucky enough to have kind parents as kids, we can remember falling asleep on our parents’ laps – an easy occurrence to conjure on those old-school couches, for sure.
I think Jim and Wen are evoking “home” in that scene on so many levels. On the love level – when you love someone, you’re home, and you are that person’s home. On the temporal level, and on the geographical level.
Wen asks Jim – “do you take this place as your home?” This rental? This living room? This town? This person?
And Jim, in that scene – at first, he pulls back. (Remember Nozue pulling back from Togawa in Old Fashion Cupcake as Togawa sobs?)
Then Jim strokes Wen’s hair. He eases up, he settles in. That’s what you do on those couches – you ease up and chill out. Because, even in a temporary place, you can find home in a living room like that. Because you grew up with love in a living room like that.
