im going to fucking die
YOU ARE THE REASON

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@soulmining-blog1
im going to fucking die
Lovers. Botero.
one day i will be in a state of love and loving! and it will matter
i cried today about a person i do not want to cry about anymore (:
iām of the mind that i will not be loved the way i deserve until i am the best version of myself, this is destructive thinking but also maybe the most proactive i have felt in a long time. being loved is huge because of things i dont talk about, knowing it is not going to feel attainable for a while is scary but forces me to put all that energy into the motion of my life and well-being ( l m a o)
most men think they areĀ āenigmaticā when really they areĀ āabusiveā
me chastising myself after i finally put myself out there and get playedĀ Ā
all the time and money you used to spend on makeup and hair? spend it on weed instead. thatās what feminism is all about folks
iāve only had 2 really good fucks in my entire life and iāveā¦.fuckedĀ lot. tragique
the first one was in a car in scarborough in some construction site at night and the second was from a dude who broke up w me after i told him i wanted to go to law school so,...lol
iāve only had 2 really good fucks in my entire life and iāve....fuckedĀ lot. tragique
i realized that i have the worst dating pattern ever which is i date someone who treats me like shit and then immediately date someone who loves me with this gross pedestal adoration and then i get bored and go right back to some emotionally frigid cuck who blames his āpast traumasā on why he feels entitled to nut in my p*ssy but never take me home to meet the folks.... (:Ā
some shame you feel alone
improvements this year:
will never be a cum dumpster ever again
will not stick my neck out for anyone
will continue to devote to my craft
will continue to fight for career opportunities for myself
will begin LSAT prepĀ
will continue to fall back in love with reading and academia
will not let idpol cucks tell me my being articulate and intelligent is classist (lol)
talked to my father for the first time in 11 years and probably the last time for another 11 years...closure doesnāt exist but i am kinder and stronger for this exchange
still feel capable of loving and being in a state of love despite getting unceremoniously used
have faith in my own experiences despite friends telling me my pain is wrong
truth is i only need, invest in and love myself
another year of men being abusive in all aspects of my life
iāve been gettign blackout drunk a lot!!!!!!!!! then praying for death
you, normal:Ā ābelievesāĀ āthingsā
myself, brain damage from psychedelics and weed: suspects dozens of mutually exclusive possibilities and every permutation thereof simultaneously
iām saying that my literal friend lied to discredit me (: you really cant trust any bitches out here