do i belong here?

"...am I what's wrong here? Know what I'm doing? Or am I a fraud? Do I fit in? Where do I begin?" Patrick Carter. 24. Real Estate Agent. New York.

[littlemusings]

◆ photo credit

[tankaramo]

“are you okay” no, next question

[rapscallicns-blog]

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[soulxfaman]

rapscallicns‌:

“Let’s go then!” Eliza couldn’t contain the grin that spread across her face. She grabbed the proffered hand and tugged him into a stumbling half run. The wind on her face was refreshing - blew away the stress of the day, the unnatural warmth of the banquet hall. It was metaphorical and physical freedom, and the sunset was rising to meet her as she stepped downhill, footfalls fast and gentle on the gravel. She’d not escaped a banquet since she had been a child - and it was ridiculously freeing to do so.

They slowed to a walk again, on a street, not so busy as the place that they’d left behind, and windblown, wild-eyed, she pointed at a cozy-looking storefront. “That’s it right there.” She’d found it walking home from a visit to one of her students and fell in love with atmosphere, the friendly and tight-knit staff, so much so that it was becoming one of her regular haunts. “Let’s duck in?” 

He almost stumbled forward, a laugh finding its way from his chest and towards the outside world. He really shouldn´t have left with her like that, not without telling Nathalie at least, but the fact of the matter was: She probably wouldn´t notice. And he couldn´t bring himself to turn around, so he didn´t. 

Instead he went along and held onto her hand maybe a little longer than it was necessary as they eventually slowed down. “Looks cozy,” Patrick then nodded before he reached out to hold the door open for her. “How did you find this place?” He did spend a lot of time walking around the city from meeting to meeting, but he hadn´t come across this gem before.

[skamitaliasource]

I love you so much. I love you too.

[soulxfaman]

yooo @rapscallicns

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[soulxfaman]

rapscallicns‌:

“Hmm,” Eliza hummed, mischief still alight in her face, “Would you say I’m middling company then? Eliza Skylar, piano teacher, student, middling company on the lawns of charity balls.” She did like making him smile - he’d seemed to her to have been so weary when she’d happened upon him outside, by himself. “Congratulations to you and your fiancee. You’re sure they won’t mind I’ve borrowed you?” She hummed again - as if deep in thought. “Think Angelica will kill you for that too - she really is the best big sister.” They had their rough patches, like any other siblings - but Eliza loved Angelica, and that was that.

They’d stopped swaying for the moment, standing still in the grass, under the light of the setting sun, growing violet in the distance. Her hands in his suddenly - had no meaning. She’d made up her mind to be spontaneous - for once. “Well, we could make a run for it now - don’t know about you but I’d kill for some ramen. Banquet food isn’t very filling - besides, there’s always someone staring at you when you’re trying to stuff mini-eclairs in your face in peace.” Eliza ducked her head - pinking in embarrassment in spite of herself. “So how about it? It’ll be thirty minutes to figure out we’re gone and another thirty minutes to find us. There’s a shop a short walk that way - promise I’ll get you back to your fiancee within the hour?” 

Patrick almost dropped his smile until he realized that she was joking. He let out a laugh, shaking his head. “Oh no. I would say that you´re excellent company. Better than any I´ve encountered this evening,” He was then quick to add. Skylar. He knew who she was now. Or at leas the family she was part of. He´d heard Nathalie talk about them often enough and well, if Eliza offered to take him out for a little while surely nobody would complain? He was making conversation and friends after all.

“Oh well that´s an offer that is hard to refuse.” He could do with some food that wasn´t mini sized and there was just something about this...ADVENTURE that made his skin tingle with anticipation. Patrick could hardly remember the last time he´d felt this way. “Mademoiselle,” He then grinned, holding his hand out. “I´d say we make a run for it before your sister does catch up to me.”

[rapscallicns-blog]

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[soulxfaman]

rapscallicns‌:

To be fair - she had been expecting that answer. He seemed rather lovely, so it - well, it made sense. “I’m glad I’m not awful company, at least,” Eliza glanced as she turned, over her shoulder and back toward the open doors of the banquet hall. She understood, she thought - it was terribly hot in there, and filled to the brim with insincere people who said insincere things merely because they wanted something, or because it was a game to entertain themselves for the night. “You’re -  married, then? Maybe?” She grinned, simply for lack of any other thing to do - really, it seemed all she did was smile at him, in spite of all of it. “Don’t worry - I won’t tell. You can have this hiding spot to yourself a little while longer.”

Eliza’s eyes glinted with mischief at the question. “Well, I don’t estimate my sister will come looking for me for another half hour. Then she’ll march out with murder in her eyes and demand to know who I was considering elopement with.” She laughed in spite of herself - imagining Angelica descending on poor, unsuspecting Patrick like a real guardian angel, ready to smite him for stepping on her toes. “Though you’ll be less dead when she finds out you’re spoken for. Or double dead. Depends, really.” 

“Oh no. Not awful at all.” Patrick was quick to say. She was actually quite easy to be around and there was something about her laugh that made him smile. It was nice not having to pretend for once. Which...was probably a thought he should keep far into the back of his mind. “Oh no. Not married. Engaged.” They had been for quite a while, actually. Nathalie seemed to enjoy the wedding planning though she was also focusing on her career so there was no rush. They´d been together so long, what was another year? Or two.

He couldn´t quite help the small chuckle that fell from his lips at her words. “Well she sounds...terrifying.” He then replied. “But also like a, what I assume, is a big sister?” Patrick then added. He smiled. “What are we going to do with that half an hour then? You know, before I have to run for my life.”

[rapscallicns-blog]

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rapscallicns‌:

“Patrick,” Eliza smiled, and made a note to remember. She’d glimpsed over the name, she’s sure, on her guest-list. The list was always a mile long - but she made an effort to try to recognize everyone in any case. “Thank you for dancing with me.” 

She probably - probably would’ve felt silly otherwise. After all, she was no longer a child, but a full-grown woman, dancing barefoot in made-up, half stumbling steps in the grass. Though there was never any true set of rules regarding decorum, the gossip surely would go around, if she had been spotted by someone more conservative.

Though - it did seem to be safe, at the moment. She estimated she wouldn’t be missed for another twenty or so minutes yet. “I hope I’m not keeping you - is there someone that might be looking for you, Patrick? 

Patrick returned the smile and nodded. “It was a pleasure.” He´d always been someone who preferred the carefree attitude. Maybe not so much during the last couple of years, but the feeling of wanting to break free from these parties where everything was perfect, and perfectly fake, was still there. That might have also been the reason why he´d come out here in the first place.

“No. Not at all.” He then responded, noticing the mistake in his words. Part of him didn´t want to admit it, but he knew he had to set it right. “I mean...yes. I came with someone. But I won´t be missed. I am not really...GOOD at this conversational stuff. I´d much rather...stay out here,” Patrick then admitted. “How about you? Won´t you be missed?”

[soulxfaman]

wednesdayaddamshq‌:

“I conduct autopsies and work out time of death,” she stated plainly. Wednesday loved her job, but she didn’t so much like explaining it to people. “The police hide back all the good details,” she complained, “and they make me sign things so I can’t tell you all about it too,” she groaned.

“Well, That´s a shame.” Honestly, it would have been a welcome change to his otherwise rather dull life, but he wasn´t going to make her do something she could obviously get fired for.  “But I guess this way the normal people get something out of it as well. By it being different in the papers. I mean. It´s obviously bad someone died. But you know.”

[soulxfaman]

wednesdayaddamshq‌:

“Medical examiner,” Wednesday stated plainly. She flipped through the paper with enthusiasm to the page he’d mentioned, her eyes scanning the page quickly. “It’s so inaccurate,” she complained, “and they’re mising most of the details,” she huffed.

“Ah. Right.” Admittedly, he´s never met a medical examiner. He only really hung around the people that Nathalie and him knew from work and those fancy parties she dragged him to. But that wasn´t the subject now. “Well...I doubt they know much about it if the police found it. They don´t disclose a lot of information. And besides, they like to make it seem more gruesome, works better with the headlines, I assume.”

[soulxfaman]

wednesdayaddamshq‌:

“What sort of thing?” Wednesday asked, wondering if there was anything to suit her particular interests. “We found a body in the motel yesterday, I wonder if that made the news,” she stated plainly. She accepted the paper from him with her best smile, though she wasn’t sure how convincing it was.

“You found a body?” It slipped him before he could stop himself. “Are you with the police?” Honestly, she didn´t look like a police officer, but then again: What did he know? “I think there was something about a motel and a murder on page 12. Or maybe 13? If that helps.”

[soulxfaman]

rosebloodedsouls‌:

RAVEN WAS FASCINATED WITH EVERY inch of the world of around her. it felt like it’d be too many years before she was able to actually go out and explore it, so she took information where she could on it, making the offer of a free newspaper too irresistible to refuse. fingers slipping gratefully round the crisp paper, she took a intrigued glance across the first page, taking in the information. it was the usual sort about everything that plagued the world, but she’d do what she would with that. a curving of a smile to display her thanks, she gave a nod of her head. “thanks- glad to hear it’ll have got a double use out of it then” she commented on the matter, it was turning into quite the community newspaper to pass around. “overseas, new york, i’m interested in it all” some of the news was never pleasant, the rantings on war and brutality rife, but there could be some diamonds of news to restore faith in humanity- something needed after overhearing yet another one of her family’s plans to tear something down and build another industrial mess in the place of it. “who needs tv when we have all these stories crafted by reality on a handy to read paper”.

Patrick had to admit that he had never really seen anyone this fascinated and excited about a newspaper. Most people didn´t even read them anymore, or bought then, read a few articles and then left them lying around or threw them in the trash. It was...refreshing to say the least. He couldn´t help but match the other´s smile. “Yeah, I´m glad too,” He then agreed. “It´s a pretty good one, too. The articles I mean. Some days they don´t know what to write. Especially during summer. But this one´s good,” He nodded. “Yeah...I mean I don´t watch much TV, but it´s nice to think we actually have to do something to get the news. it´s not just handed to us, you know?”

[soulxfaman]

rosebloodedsouls‌:

RAVEN WAS A LITTLE TOO USED to the newspapers. well, more tabloids and magazines than newspapers, but the two were close enough. the daughter of the falco’s of falco industries, there could be a buzz surrounding her at times. it wasn’t something she was best fond of, especially seeing as she got little enough free time in the world. when she did get a free minute, when her parents weren’t strictly controlling her every move, she didn’t want to be swamped by the fierce glares of cameras.

a tilt of her drink so that the coffee tipped in, she let out a sigh, browsing on her phone with some disinterest. there wasn’t much she could even do on it due to restrictions, but there were some things she could browse on- at least she had brief access to social media. letting the mindless spirals of threads wash across her, the girl flickered her hues up as another spoke. “i’m interested- sure” she murmured in soft tones, it was admittedly nice to see a physical copy of something. “what’s causing you to lose interest it?”.  

The woman next to him had seemed lost in her phone, and he probably shouldn´t have asked her to begin with, but it had been worth a try. And for once in his life things seemed to have turned out in his favor, since she was talking back to him. Not that he had meant to strike up a conversation, but he wouldn´t complain about one either. He´d spent the entire morning on the phone with a client who´d been set on discussing the parameters of buying a house. Not his favorite way to spend the day.

“Oh, nothing. I´m simply done with it,” Patrick offered her a smile and held out the newspaper. “There are some interesting articles in there. If you´re interested in certain aspects of what´s going on in this country, and overseas, that is.”

[soulxfaman]

wednesdayaddamshq‌:

Wednesday enjoyed coffee, black of course with no sugar. It was bitter and strong and made her alert, it was a genius invention as far as she was concerned. She was surprised when a stranger leant over and offered her a newspaper, well she assumed it to be a newspaper. “Umm. Sure…” Wednesday said, with more hesitancy than normal. Truth was, Wednesday had never read a newspaper but it seemed like a good idea, she could at least attempt to make some informed small talk.

“Well. You don´t have to. It has quite the interesting articles today though. Or well. I guess that depends on what you find interesting. But you know, Generally there are some interesting articles in there.” Patrick managed as he held the newspaper out for her. Yeah, small talk? Not necessarily his strong suit.

[rapscallicns-blog]

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[soulxfaman]

rapscallicns‌:

“See?” Her grin had only grown wider, quite sincere, but pleased and devious like the cat that’s gotten the cream. “You’re not half bad at all.” Laughing, she spun out and then twisted in, moving them in a circular motion across the grass.

He seemed to be enjoying himself, and that made her smile too. It was rarer and rarer that people were allowed to enjoy themselves at these parties as she had grown up. Eliza supposed she enjoyed them as a child, before she’d known anything or held any responsibility - enveloped by the excitement and the wonder of it all, dressed up like a little princess. Every child’s dream, probably.

“I’m Eliza, by the way,”  It had been ages since she’d led a dance - not since Peggy was learning to waltz, she thought. The corners of her eyes crinkled with mirth. “Eliza Skylar. And you are?”

He couldn´t remember the last time he had just shimmied around like this. It wasn´t like Patrick wasn´t here for it, there had been a time when he definitely had been, but with work driving him mad he simply didn´t have time to go out to anything that wasn´t a fancy work party. 

He smiled, taking her hand and swirling her around a little just for the fun of it. She seemed to be enjoying herself just as much as he was, if not more, and ther e was something infectious about her laughter.

“Patrick,” He then replied during another turn. “Patrick Carter, nice to meet you.” He had definitely heard of her last name. The Skylar family wasn´t directly related to his business, but everyone who knew someone in this town knew the Skylar family. 

[thegoodvybe]

[soulxfaman]

OPEN

   A headache was coming. Patrick could feel it. He´s had them daily these days, but usually they came when he was at home after a long day at home. In his relationship with Nathalie HE was the one with the migraine.

   He stared into his coffee, reading the same article in the Times for the third time because he simply couldn´t concentrate. With a sigh Patrick closed the newspaper, leaning over to the person at the table next to his.

   “Sorry to be a bother,” He spoke. “But do you happen to be interested in the Times? I´d hate for it to go to waste,”

[rapscallicns-blog]

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[soulxfaman]

rapscallicns‌:

“Come on,” Eliza grinned at the man, wriggling her fingers at him. “My toes can take it. Just one little dance, please?” The music pouring through the open doors and windows of the banquet hall was enchanting and she found herself swaying to it almost subconsciously. “There’s nobody here - something goes wrong, we can just - pretend it didn’t happen.” 

Dancing in there was obligatory, motivated. In there, she was expected to play nice, expected to be gracious and kind and everything her father brought her up to be. In there, even when she was not in the spotlight, all eyes followed her conspicuously from one partner to the next. Out here, though.

“I’m not particularly good either, really, if you’re wondering,” She shrugged, dress rippling around her knees as she did a little half turn, arms raised. “Besides - waltzes get exhausting after a while. Was kind of hoping to just shimmy a little.”

Even Nathalie had given up on making him dance, which fair play to her, was after years of Patrick stepping onto her toes. He remembered enjoying the dancing when he was still younger, but there was just something about it these days that wasn´t too appealing to him.

Though he had to admit that her smile was making it hard for him to resist. Maybe it was also the glass of whiskey he had downed just a few moments ago. Who knew? He surely didn´t. All he was aware of was that he extended his hand to take hers, letting himself be pulled in.

“Well. Shimmy away then,” He couldn´t help but chuckle. “I´ll...just...follow.” Really, he probably looked ridiculous, but he couldn´t quite bring himself to care just yet.