Dog we have a student who I am just very much not sure is going to be around much longer? She went to retreat, and like, it was just. Not a good time with her present. I sat with her for 3 hours while she hid in the basement under a bar counter overhang and sobbed.
Has an upcoming milestone in the program, the first one, and had a full on meltdown. Itâs known that sheâs autistic, she had many accommodations, sheâs been working on this exam for 6 months now, longer than her cohorts in the exact same situation, and cannot handle criticism more and more as the exam date looms closer. We watched her become progressively more obsessed over the months, and it has developed to a point that she start crying, sobbing, hitting herself, slamming her head into a wall, blacked out, all in front of our boss. He sat with her for an hour.
Accumulated 4-5 people sitting with her and sympathizing, missing out on the event, so she could just talk about herself over and over and over. It has been the same complaints for months.
She has severe allergies to 11 different things, so the lab spent a lot of time grocery shopping and preparing meals such that there was no contamination. Someone who shopped accidentally bought a bag of onions, but they realized and hid in in the back pantry unopened and untouched. She of course, saw the bag, and now refused to touch any food they made. Like girl itâs fine if you wanted to live off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but like. They went through a lot of trouble for you bc you repeatedly said you were coming and wanted accommodations for food.
They did a WELL planned awards ceremony. Everyone has a walk up song with the lyrics aligning with the award title, very tailored to each person, and a photoshopped cartoon that was super cute and well done for everyone that included their picture (this was for 40+ people!) When her award was called up they had star wars theme (that she loved) and I was like wow sheâs going to be so happy. Instead, she grumbled the entire way up, ripped the award from their hand, and when they asked her âhey what do you think of the image? :) we spent a lot of time on itâ and she goes âwell itâs wrong. And the angle is wrong. And it isnât correct.â Like damn you know what? Everyone has made an effort to meet you halfway, and all youâve done is complain+isolate+blame. You canât control feelings, you canât control autism and symptoms, but in that moment you chose to be a complete dick. All you have to do is walk up, accept an award and say thank you, and you acted like a 2 year old. (Sheâs 40 year old woman btw)
She has complained multiple times, to me AND the project manager, that this position has compromised her health. She has an autoimmune condition that has been worsened by the stress, and then was sent to the emergency room twice, and blamed the lab+program+our boss.
In other terms of accommodations that were honored for her: she is the only person who got her own bedroom in this giant airbnb (everyone else had something like 4 people a room), and she requested to not participate in any of the team building or games and to be left alone for the entirely of the 2nd day which. For someone who begged me to come to this event, she told me âwell Iâm going to socializeâ how can you socialize when you immediately put up a giant wall and say yeah so this ainât coming down anytime soon
And she doesnât have any awareness towards her impact at all and only considers herself.
After being consoled by multiple people for 2+ hours who took time out of THEIR retreat (like itâs not just yours babe other people came here for themselves and the goal of hanging with others), she sighed and goes âI just wasted 3 hours⌠I could have been studying :(â oh no awareness to the other people who could have been having things to do as well. Just back to you and your exam. (Which for someone who constantly brags they already have 2 masters, your 25 year old cohorts donât seem to be complaining nearly as much??)
At one point, someone offered some perspective and she literally said to them âUm? Thatâs obviously not going to work. And I thought *I* was autisticđâ dude he is here trying to help you and youâre being so ungrateful
Our boss lost 1.5 hours of time with the events, and he came back down to check on her and offer food and see if she needed anything, and she continued to say that he âdoesnât careâ and she âdeserved betterâ like what
Sheâs a danger to herself and others when she canât handle the stress (which, idk how to tell you this but, there is no shortage of this in a doctoral program), her health is being compromised, and on top of all of that she still has a bad attitude and chooses to be obstinate and not be considerate of others / the effort others make to help her out. Boss she has got to go
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