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Ways to Get Out of a Bad Date

1. Say, “I know we just met....but I’m ovulating!”

2. Reenact your entire childhood, using only a sock puppet.

3. Ask him where he stands on political issues. Sound a blow horn the minute he answers.

4. Put your wedding ring back on.

5. Respond to every question with, “I love you!”

6. Ask the waiter for something sharper than a butter knife. Then gesture toward your wrists.

These are from The Girls Guide by Tina Neidlein

Things We’re Dying To Hear Him Say

“Can you try to spend a little more money on shoes every month?”

“Ugh, sexy lingerie does nothing for me. Put on that old tee shirt and granny panties instead.”

“Tell me more about that one girl you don’t like. A lot more.”

“Would you mind going out so I can watch the kids?”

“Why don’t I rub your feet more often?”

“Can I run to the grocery store! I made a list and know exactly what to get--hote that’s okay?”

“You know, you could stand to gain at least 10 pounds.”

“Shhh. That trashy reality show we both love is on!”

From “The Girls Guide” by Tina Neidlein

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