Fuck you.
The truth is I did not want this nor did I choose this for myself. The situation was chosen for me and occurred in the blink of an eye. It occurred without my knowlege, it occured without my consent. I only admitted to the obvious to protect everyone from the truth. So for the matter of you saying to me āthe truth hurtsā you need to realize that you do not know the truth. Yet I am attempting to open up but when I express my emotions you close the door and shut me down. I am unsure why, does expressing raw emotions somehow make you uncomfortable, if it does Iām truely sorry. I am only attempting to lean on you, to reach out to you, canāt you see I am screaming for help. Do you not see how close to the edge of the bridge I am? Have you not read my words that came afterwords did you not notice there is something huge I am trying to hide and doing my best without help to break away from. Do you not know I am to the point that I canāt sleep because itās slowly getting to me? Do you know that when I finally do go to sleep I donāt want to face the day so I sleep and sleep only because I donāt want to start a new day without support but with the powerful emotions of wanting to end it and knowing Iād be better off dead. Iām sorry I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to hurt anyone itās just that I no longer know what to do and you said that I could always come to you. Now your saying expressing what causes me the greatest pain is drama, no I was not trying to bring drama. You say that I screwed everything up, do I really deserve blame that harsh when in reality and in truth I have only tried to save myself from myself. I am terrified, flat out scared of what is going to happen tomorrow ā its the reason that when I do sleep I donāt want to get up, I donāt want it to become my last day. Yet I cannot fight this anymore, itās too hard, the fight has been drained from me. I no longer know who I am. Simply because I couldnāt control what happened and I chose to protect everyone and go to my grave with the truth. This is not about meth, this is about that in which I am choosing to hide because itās easier to pretend it never happened then deal with reality and the results knowing it did. You say I am stronger than that and I donāt really know what you mean, I would agree that I am stronger than that but sometimes in life situations happen to good people that they do not ask for, that they do not expect, that they never imagined could occur, that they have absolutely no control over. Please believe me I am opening up to you, canāt you see, this is what happened to me I never imagined I would be in a powerless situation where my own strength didnāt matter because in seconds I lost everything and the choice was not mine. What you do not see is how hard I am crying, what you donāt know is I lay in bed and weep, what you donāt understand is how hard I am looking for an escape, or how close I am to a definite end. Again, this isnāt about meth. Meth was only a simple easy way to put blame on and everyone was placing their blame on it before I even woke up on life support. It was easy to hide the devastation then to tell anyone. But then again who would even believe me considering everyoneās mind was made up that I was a meth head. I never meant to make you angry I was only trying to find a friend but I want to start a new and start off being fully honest that his words hurt me considering what I went through. I physically created lists on Facebook because I know full well that I do not want younger individuals to see. I did do something I know that was a responsible choice. Yet I had no control over privacy changes and truth is no one actually knows because itās always changing. Just like this horrid occurrence, it is what it is. I know how strong love is imagine having to walk away from 8-years of true love and devotion just because you feel that you have to protect who you love from the truth. It hurts. Thing is no one knows, no one has the time or no one knows how to react so they close down. Then some just see me as a meth head because labeling someone and judging them is a very easy thing to do, far too easy in my opinion. Iām screaming for help because I am dieing inside because of something I will never be able to admit happened to me. Itās going to end up destroying me and the decline has been fast. Never did I intend for raw emotion and opening up to you to be seen as drama. Itās not what I wanted. I am lonely, scared, and feeling rejected and no thatās not attempting to be a bitch or cause drama itās how I truthfully feel.
Deal with the truth.
āMaybe Iām trying so you donāt have regrets once Iām gone.
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
baratheonpilled
pixelskylines
