Space Life Continuum @space-life-continuum - Tumblr Blog

4:00am

Trying to organise my thoughts into text so I can unload them and get some peace, For once in this whole week.

I end up acieving nothing but writing some nonsensical trash for porn bots.

Is this a mistake? Have I let go of the only thing that brings me any happiness in life?

Maybe By letting go of my only lifeline, I’ll be forced to learn to swim in this cold ocean called life. Or maybe I’ll just drown. Become another sad face in the crowd that goes unnoticed. Drift through life with a low contrast filter, some low beat as I age and become more regretful, old and useless to the world.

I keep imagining myself as a sad, old man in a studio apartment all alone. Breaks my heart to think my own father could be like that, and so could I. Life hasn’t been fair and I know its not meant to be. I’ve failed to make anything from it.

Can’t believe it’s all over. After almost a decade. What lies beyond, I do not know. The thoughts that swirls in my head, I despise.

I understand how heirarchies work. As much as everyone wants to be all “koombaya” about it, but it’s the truth. That’s why it fucking hurts so much.

The male heirarchy is steep, savage and I know I’m not even CLOSE to the top. All I had going for me was sentimental value. Like an old childhood doll, broken and dirty. No intrinsic value but the memories it holds. Give yourself enough space and those will blow away like dust in the wind.

I guess I’m all I have left going forward. All I can do is work on that. What’s the alternative?