X.III.XVII

amy • twenty • uk

[embracingwild]

Please be gentle with yourself. I don’t mean only physically, but in every way possible. You are learning and growing and trying and breathing. Sometimes growing looks like going backwards, sometimes you cannot even see it at all. But you do not have to conquer your demons in a single stride overnight. You are human and you are healing and my god there is something so incredibly wonderful about that

[gogh-save-the-bees]

Choose recovery,

Choose recovery again,

And again,

And again, and again, and again, and again.

[exai]

when in doubt draw vast fields

nov 9

[sparklingupmydarkestnights]

You ever think you're more or less recovered from your ED then one day you just start crying at the dinner table over your meal ????? Yeh same

[sparklingupmydarkestnights]

Am not doing well :(

[sparklingupmydarkestnights]

Why is it that whenever I feel down about my weight my way to solve it is by bingeing. Where is the logic pls ?

[sparklingupmydarkestnights]

I've never felt so helpless. I've tried to reach out to so many people including professionals and have just been rejected or invalidated by all of them. I just want to scream. I. Cant. Cope.

[sparklingupmydarkestnights]

Are you okay xx

Yeaaaa I'll be alright thank u x

[sparklingupmydarkestnights]

Everything You Need To Know About: Bulimia Nervosa

1) What is Bulimia Nervosa?

This is the first and probably most important question that people ask when it comes to Bulimia. There are so many misconceptions about Bulimia and I can promise you that Bulimia isn’t about pretty thin girls making themselves throw up once in awhile. Bulimia is an eating disorder that can affect people of all ages, genders and weights. According to the NHS:

“Bulimia Nervosa is an eating disorder and a mental health condition. People who have Bulimia try to control their weight by severely restricting the amount of food they eat, then binge eating and purging the food from their body by making themselves vomit or using laxatives. As with other eating disorders, Bulimia Nervosa can be associated with:

low self esteem

alcohol misuse

depression

self harm”

I read a quote on the edinstitute blog that said something along the lines of an eating disorder developing when a person misidentifies food as a threat and this couldn’t be more true. Purging is the most recognizable sign of Bulimia and is a behaviour driven by guilt and fear of food. What people with Bulimia struggle to understand is that purging is a form of restriction; we binge because we’ve restricted our intake to the point where our body is in starvation mode and is left feeling ravenous to the point where we lose all control, and so we purge to undo this mistake because we are so disgusted with ourselves and believe that purging will enable us to regain this control. However, purging leaves our body starving again, which is intensified when we restrict our food intake, and so we inevitably return to bingeing. Do you see how the cycle develops?

2) What are the signs and symptoms? 

Feelings:

ashamed and guilty

that you hate your body, or that you are fat

scared of being found out by family and friends

depressed and/or anxious

lonely, especially if no one else knows

very low and upset

like your mood changes quickly or suddenly

like you’re stuck in a cycle of feeling out of control and trying to gain control back

numb, or like feelings are blocked out by bingeing and purging

Behaviours:

eating an abnormally large amount of food in a short space of time (bingeing)

trying to get rid of the food you’ve eaten by purging through self induced vomiting or laxatives

starving yourself between binge/purge episodes

eating in secret

craving certain foods

eating foods you think are bad for you during a binge

exercising a lot to make up for bingeing

calorie counting, body checking, weighing obsessively 

3) What are the health complications?

Bulimia Nervosa is detrimental to the body. Here are some of the physical complications associated with Bulimia:

dental problems from persistent vomiting

weight fluctuations

inflammation of the esophagus

irregular periods

poor skin and hair from lack of nutrients

dehydration

swollen glands

chemical imbalance, potentially leading to tiredness, weakness, abnormal heart rhythms, kidney damage, convulsions (fits) and muscle spasms

bowel problems

heart problems

4) Why do people develop Bulimia?

Sadly, this question doesn’t have a straight forward answer. On the surface it is developed out of the fear of food and gaining weight, however more complex reasons also contribute. People can develop Bulimia as a result of low self-esteem, depression and stress. People may develop the illness following a traumatic experience such as death, divorce or abuse and use it as a way of coping.

5) How can I help someone with Bulimia?

The most important thing you can do to help someone to help someone with an eating disorder is to educate yourself on the thing they’re struggling with. Know that they have not developed this eating disorder out of choice, and feel guilty and horrible enough already without having other people asking them why they’re “doing this to themselves”. If they haven’t sought help already, encourage them to speak to their GP. Whether they wish to receive treatment or not it’s important for them to get blood tests done to see if they’ve done any harm to their body because health complications can develop rapidly with Bulimia. Choose a time and place to speak to them when you won’t be interrupted and be clear and direct when expressing your concerns. The person might get defensive and angry and do everything in their will to deny that they have a problem, but please try to remain calm and know that this is the eating disorder talking. Make sure they know that you love and support them and you’re there for them to talk to when they’re ready. Don’t judge them.

Soon I’ll write a post on how to recover from Bulimia (what treatment is available, recovery motivations etc) but I thought I’d start with a general overview of what Bulimia Nervosa actually is for Mental Health Awareness Month. If you think there’s anything that needs adding to this post, please let me know! I got the majority of information from these two sites:

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/bulimia/pages/introduction.aspx

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/eating-problems/#.WQjmfojyuM8

[sparklingupmydarkestnights]

Hahahahahahahhahahahhahahaimsodonewiththisshit

[sparklingupmydarkestnights]

Havent felt so low in a long long time. I feel like such an awful and terrible person. I cant cope with this feeling

[sparklingupmydarkestnights]

Ptw? But needs to be said..

Lately I've been feeling down about my body. I've gained about 1.5 stone in the past year from a mixture of recovery, uni, eating with my boyfriend, different medications, etc. and I've been beating myself up and comparing myself to how I was when I was ill. I'm starting to realise that although I thought I was recovered, the weight I was maintaining this time last year wasnt right for me. I was still latching onto certain food rules whereas now I'm completely free around food. The guilt never leaves and I still struggle, but on the whole I eat and drink what I want.

These pics made me notice the weight gain and at first I wanted to cry and hide away but then I thought fuck it. I went on a night out with my friends, got a lil tipsy, ate maccies on the way home and didnt restrict at all today like I would have done in the past, I just carried on as normal. This body is giving me a NORMAL life, and so you bet your arse I'm gonna embrace it.

Dis me bitches

[sparklingupmydarkestnights]

oh nooo you deleted your post about uni before I could read it!! can you repost?

https://amybrayy.weebly.com/life/5-things-i-wish-id-known-before-uni

It's still there I just changed my blog name! Xx

[pollyflorence]

watching the sun go down over the most beautiful city ♡💫

[sparklingupmydarkestnights]

youre back!! are you ok?!

Yeah I'm ok :) sorry I havent posted much lately, things were crazy during exam season and I've just been enjoying my time home from uni with my friends and family. I'll be sure to check in soon! Xxx

[a-joyfuljourney]

[diaryofabryncess]

credit: morganharpernichols