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Highlights of 2025

Morning Prayer session and the first of the COIN

Jan birthday tradition @ SHIA!

The most beautiful floral arrangement night to celebrate 31st birthday w/ Main Line casa girls!

Shennandoah trip, first time w/ Rowan!

First local medical trip for Project Belong

San Francisco w/ Yerbear

Lamb day at Julia's farm

Wine nights with Bo, Jin and David

Picnic w/ Glo and Haeri by the bay

Taking parents to their first Nats game, and dad holding a strangers' bby

Multiple times of seeing your friend losing their parent due to unforeseen health issues

Rowan's dohl!

Thankful for J. Baik

Pickle-ball shenanigans

Taking Leah to church

Costa Rica w/ Esther and Joanna

Best pizza @ Stracci

DC Open w/ Leah and fell in love w/ L. Fernandez

Evergreen camp w/ Sarang <3

Loved witnessing Jenny in Philly -- thriving bby!!!

CRAZY 5am NY musical ticketing: Maybe Happy Ending w/ Glo (ft. the BEST YAP SESSION EVER TO DATE)

Taking tennis lesson with Miguel and Rachael by Coach Laura, and creating a new community

Love loving Christineeeeey C. and Y.

Finishing Rooted class w/ District Church, and the amazing silent prayer at Franciscan Monastery

Beautiful time volunteering at Casa Chirilagua, and tearing up..!

Going to a first Asian American Christian Conference, and absolutely finding that it is NOT my vibe.

Seeing Alex and v thankful for our friendship of almost 20 years

Gifting my parents a new fridge and a stove

More and more, feeling like I'm slowing down... and there're ups and downs associated w/ it

Harvest Ministry, 낙원

Another a bit of summer, fall and just about winter w/ W.

I love my family. I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my sister. No better gift. No human can love like your family. It's overwhelmingly sweet, and I'm so thankful that it brings tears to my eyes, every time.

Thank you Lord, for EVERYTHING. And I'm also sorry for EVERYTHING. How naive am I, and then how gracious and loving you are. Clinging onto You.

Concerts/Performances: 1) Gregory Alan Isakov, 2) Remi Wolf, 3) Hope Tala, 4) Jazz bars in NY, 5) Picture of Dorian Gray, in musical ft. Sarah Snook, 6) Ben Rector, 7) Maybe Happy Ending Musical w/ Glo, 8) Stuggart Ballet, Onegin @ Kennedy, 9) COUCH @ 9:30

Highlights of 2024

Making dumplings with fam!

New Jersey trip with friendsss

Floral arrangement night to celebrate my 30th birthday with Main Line gals (& Julia's amazing lemon-raspberry cake!)

Hosting Nights (Ephesians gals, Yaegene, Djeong, Csuh, BLee and ARyu)

Annual bougie birthday dinner... did not live up to the hype

The most beautiful prayers to strengthen my mental resilience via Pause App: Consecrating

Jesus speaking over me: "Restore and Redeem"

My first Ash Wednesday!

Still battling my false identity: that my value/worth is dependent upon my performance and the need-to-do/need-to-know

Running Cherry Blossom 5K w/ R. Hur

Solar eclipse, and XRay films

Lamb day at Julia's

Leadership conference at Watermark - Dallas, TX

ATS Conference - San Diego, CA (w/ A. Wu)

Happy/Bittersweet tears of Yaegene (+Row)

The most beautiful sunrise, scrumptious blueberries, and everything nature at Acadia National Park w/ Glo

I bought a new car....! wth

The most expensive (but worth) haircut in NY

The final closure w/ my most beloved then-best-friend, A at Bo and Jin's bday party

First time in Chicago, and it's BEAUTIFUL in the summer (thanks Jisu)

Beach trip w/ Beca and Anna <3

Evergreen camp w/ Esther and Gloria

Running, a lot of running

Best drinks at Silver Lyan w/ Bo

Being paired through Project Belong, and meeting T

Running Army 10

How can I forget... starting GRADUATE SCHOOL

Transplant Day (first one!)

Visiting Jenny and Ben in their new city, Philly! (love it)

The most beautiful Friendsgiving at Main Line Casa

First corporate holiday party

WM's giving back night, partnerning up with PB, and realizing that nothing is ever enough, and Jesus can truly only satisfy my heart

Caroling with Camels!

A whole summer, fall and then some w/ W

Extremely thankful for Jesus who answers all of my prayers, and redeeming and restoring parts of me

Concerts/Performances: 1) Tick Tick Boom! 2) Seong Jin Cho w/ NSO, 3) NSO, 4) NSO w/ Jose (Conductor), 5) Arlo Parks, 6) Washington Chamber Orchestra, 7) Prince Caspian at the Bible Museum, 8) Turandot, 9) Liz McAlpine, 10) NSO w/ Julien Baker and BANKS, 11) IU, 12) Glass Animals (Iflu), 13) Wild Rivers, 14) Novo Amor, 15) Hades Town, 16) NSO

Highlights of 2023

Going to EMP every day of the first week of January, and hearing, "부르심을 위한 포기" - which was exactly what I needed in the season of A

Hearing what I needed to pray for this year - "to be completely satisfied in Jesus, and Jesus alone.

Esther's bachelorette to Fort Lauderdale, FL

Turning 29

Annual boujee birthday dinner with Gloria and Yaegene. And the most amazing experience at Causa + Amazonia

Running and biking

Obeying the Lord, despite how much it hurts

Taking singing class, for the first time ever! And how difficult singing is!

Donating blood for the first time

Centreville CG and meeting Christine Y. <3

Sending Yerin to Europe, and then visiting her in my first European trip to France!!!

Esther getting married!

Moving into Main Line Casa, and loving all my girls

A lot of NY trips, starting with dog sitting Alanis at Josie's

Reunions with Jin, Bo and David

Many favorable fashion outfits this year, thanks to NY

Most expensive meal of my life treating dad for Father's Day at Sushi Nakazawa

So much orange wines

Buying my first record player, and jumping into the vinyl game

A lot of hot yoga

Feeling a bit of a funk still, and checking out different churches, which was God's calling to get into Project Belong

First family trip outside of East Coast, to Arizona/Utah/Nevada

Taking pottery class, and absolutely failing at it

Salsa dancing class, and sweatingggg

The most perfect weekend at the farm house at Julia's

CT trip to see Jenny and Ben

Can't say enough about my beautiful housemates and the patterns of our lives: prayers and praise

Letting go, and honoring what was then my best relationship by writing a letter to Alice

Kenya 2023, which was absolutely my best medical mission trip to date

Extremely thankful for Jesus who answers all of my prayers, and allowing me to be completely satisfied in Him. And turning what I thought would be the worst year, to be my best year

Concerts/Performances: 1) Maggie Roger at Anthem, 2) Into the Woods at Kennedy Center, 3) Epik High at Warner Theatre, 4) Sylvan Esso at Atlantis, 5) Twelfth Night at Shakespeare Theatre, 6) Moulin Rouge at Kennedy Center, 7) Jacob Collier + NSO at Kennedy center, 8) Cigarettes after Sex at the Anthem, 9) slchld + wave to earth at Howard Theatre, 10) Evita at Shakespeare Theatre, 11) Del Water Gap at 9:30 club, 12) Jon McLaughlin at the Birchmere

Highlights of 2022

LA trip with Yaeeun

Free wine paid for us at Yae/Glo/I's birthday dinner

Taking ceramic class and making sauce holder, mugs and a flower pot

Cabin trip with Yaeeun and Zena

Nick and Bobae's baby shower

Birth of Phil's baby

NY trip with Gloria

Sisterhood of traveling pants with Yaeeun and Zena

CT trip to see Stella

Evergreen camp with A

My whole relationship and then some with A

Korea trip with mom

Leaving Medstar

Starting at Inova

Moving away from Arlington

Being reminded that Jesus answers all my prayer requests, even if it takes a whole 3 years

Being physically close to church, being able to serve and have church be the corner of my life - being able to go to morning prayer

Starting Centreville CG - and having the hardest and most fruitful time. Understanding God's heart, and then personifying them in the most heartbreaking, personallllll ways

Lots of tears and obeying Jesus

Struggling, struggling to find joy and satisfaction in Jesus alone

Concerts: Aziz Ansari, Glass Animals, Maggie Rogers

Genesis 2

...[He] brought her to the man

Highlights of 2021

Philly trip with Yaeeun

The most amazing lemon angel cake by Lora for 27th birthday

Another family drama in the Cho-household; what else is new?

Befriending Haeri, and our wonderful Michelin experience at Seven Reasons

Traumatic relationship with J.C, and wow - the fear of marrying the wrong person is real

Crying, crying so much because I've never been so fearful of men. Thanks a lot J.C.

Being sent home from work because I even cried at work while taking care of patients

Fleeing to Gloria's house immediately, and eating McD.

Bahamas with Haeri

Flying with Haeri

Golf lessons with Haeri

Batch shit drunk and blackout night in D.C, and Yaeeun saving me with IVF, at home. #bless

Starting my new job as a H e a r t. T r a n s p l a n t. C o o r d i n a t o r.

Completing my Discipleship Training

Realizing that my biggest problem is: always 'feeling' that I need to be productive

The burden of being a TC, and taking care of immunocompromised patients in the midst of a pandemic

First Evergreen camp

Work wife, Mahum, leaving work... so sad.

Many D.C United games

Colorado - Denver, Boulder, Vail w/ Veronica + Yunseo

Being in an unlabeled relationship with E.C., and spending an entire summer with him. Men need to lead and be decisive; not lead you on and waste your time, Hannah. It does not take 3 months, without labels. That was unkind.

Hannah, you went on dates with 6 different men this year. Ugh.

Stella getting engaged, and being asked to be her bridesmaid

Leading official bible study in-person, and absolutely loving my members

Finishing Apologetics Class

Received: Pfizer second + booster (third)

The end of Insecure with Season 5. The most relatable show.

COVID+ at the end of December with Omicron variant, and quarantining.

Gloria being the best and dropping off the most amazing goodie package

Mahum being an angel, even after our hell ICU days

Christian surprisingly dropping off sweeeeets

Concerts: Bleachers + Ronny Chieng

Many of Jesus’s followers thought Jesus came to rescue and reign now. They anticipated a physical and political freedom from the oppressive Roman rule. For them, the Christ was the key to their immediate, this-world issues. Life now. Freedom now. Power now. But Jesus, walking to the cross, instead says to wait. Be patient.

The rewards of following me, of finding life in me won’t come in full today, but they will far surpass anything else you could have hoped for. In this story of life and hope and freedom, death comes first, and then life. Darkness, and then liberating, untouchable, unsearchable light.

Highlights of 2020

Ending my toxic friendship, and getting therapy for it because losing ANY relationship breaks me.

Learning about my false identity (performance)

Road trip to Yale with Gloria

Spending my 26th birthday in CT with Gloria, Lora and Jenny

Making an actual Pro/Con list of me going back to school for NP with Yaegene

VA gals birthday dinner at Ted's

"eff it, I'm gonna mix all my friend group for my birthday" + having a joint birthday party @ Punch Bowl

Speakeasy!!!

Gloria's amazing to story @ Glenstone

The most tiring date ever that drained me for the ENTIRE DAY (let's not do that again)

Starting my *sustainable/ethical* clothing mission

Falling in love with Chianti Classico with Gloria

The most bizarre obsession towards BTS d/t Michelle...

Eddie, again

Yerin slicing her finger s/p my night shift, and me being a nurse post shift.........at home

COVID. Crying, so much crying. So much death, so much crying.

Getting therapy counseling because the burden and the deaths were too much.

Fearing for my life, as I gown up to go into these pt's rooms

Sweating as I cluster care and stay in the covid room for HOURS

Coding patients but knowing that it's helpless + hopeless

Holding pt's hand as they die so that they don't die alone

Talking to pt's family members on the phone, crying

Friendships: who care for me and who don't give AF about me while I'm dying in my ICU

Friends buying/dropping me food + buying me scrubs (Gloria, Esther, Bo, Faye, Nathan, Phil, Steven, David, Eugene, Tony)

Yelling at God, desperate for a break + release

Befriending Steven Han!

Sending Nathan off to Seattle T_T

Dating my first Christian, Korean boyfriend; C.Oh

Phil getting married!!!!!! (and the heartbreaking story of how I got to be present)

Starting Discipleship Training, and Jesus sanctifying me inside out

First my covid vaccine! (Pfizer)

Concerts: (virtual) Glass Animals + NSO

Highlights of 2019

Turning 25 and celebrating with so many great people (grandparents, family and my fav. girlfriends!)

Bachelorette weekend that was so relaxing. How sweet it is to be surrounded by Jesus loving sisters

Meeting Eddie & Kiyong

How sweet it is to receive such honest heart of theirs

First cardiac code yellow on my patient

New York trip that made me realize how much I have changed

Moving out of parent’s house and living with my sister

Glenstone museum!!!

Jenny Groff’s marriage

“The reason nothing changes is that the focus is still on me -- my failures, my remorse, my discouragement, my effort. Love requires leaving all of this behind -- all my self-preoccupation and all my willful striving. Love cannot be simply a result of discipline and resolve. It must flow from the heart. The love I need is the love of God as his love becomes mine.” //// “No longer can I choose whom I will love and whom I ignore. No longer can I close my eyes to the things that hold others in bondage. For if God’s heart has truly become mine, then the bondage is mine. If one person suffers, all suffer (1 Corinthians 12 :26)”

Sending Lora & Jenny to Yale

Hawaii!!!!

Learning to rest and relax in God’s love @ Lanikai beach and Hanuma bay

Delicious chantilly cake! Coco puffs

Leodard’s malasadas

Dole Whip!!!

Beach weekend at Steven’s!

Second year back in Kenya

First year of Nursing in the books

Recognizing + drifting away from unhealthy relationship that was masked as beneficial

Serving as a small group counselor to my then middle schoolers to now sophomores in high school. Learning about our calling + the beauty of Jesus Christ

NYE with my small group + winning everyone’s music taste

Concerts: NSO + Ben Folds, Lianne La Havas, Tame Impala, SoFarSound, Pinegrove, Maggie Rogers

Tangled; ashes to dust

7/26/2018

Been sleeping at Stella’s for the last couple of days, and I have never felt so much like myself. Being at home has been hard lately -- hearing my mom cry so remorsefully while praying, as if she has committed a deep, dark sin, or as if she is going through an intense conflict that she has no control over, and feels utterly helpless. And staying in this kind of an environment is only making my heart more somber and lazy to be productive in any way.

I don’t think I understand the value of family entirely. But I think I do know what family is supposed to be -- an anchor and a helping hand. But truth be told, I don’t know what that looks like or how to do it. I feel as if I’ve only been helped by my family financially, and never emotionally. If anything, they have burdened and hurt me emotionally than anyone else -- and never provided any healing. Just as a wound that left burn marks and scars, but never as an ointment.

This family is making me into an unhealthy human being, where I’m unconsciously being manipulated. I’m calibrating my emotions and words, and I can never be myself in this family. It’s so entrapping, and I don’t like that I can’t freely be myself.

It’s suffocating,

but I can’t say with confidence that I’ll be any better without them either.

Rejection has an answer. Regret does not have an answer -- it’s the lack of answer, and that kills me. The infinite amount of what ifs.

+ it’s in my countless, sleepless nights. But even then, it fills my dreams too.

Love is deep in proportion to its liberty

So if an insurance company pays you $40,000 because you lose your spouse, you don’t usually marvel at how much this company loves you. There were legal constraints. But if your Sun- day School class makes all your meals for a month after your spouse dies, and someone calls you every day, and visits you every week, then you call it love, because they don’t have to do this. It is free and willing. So we will see the depth of Christ’s love for us in his freedom: “No one takes my life from me; I lay it down of my own accord” (John 10:18).

Love to the Uttermost

Happy Holy Week 2019. I’m brought to tears each night reminding myself of The Gospel. His love, His commitment and His sacrifices are teaching me, reminding and even rebuking me of my past all while paving the way for me.

Control.

A word that has made frequent visits to my mind lately. This week has been quite slow for me but rather quickly has this thought of, “wow I am such a control freak” came dangerously close to me.

Few things I have a huge distaste for:

1) Being controlled.

Whether that’s in a form of making a choice for me, taking away a choice or simply not offering a choice.

2) Not having control.

Recently realized not having control of another human being - whether conscious, unconscious, sedated or not sedated (relating to my patient experience), I’m having a hard time coping with that. When things don’t go the way IIIII had planed for their life and how it meshes with mine and my ideal, I get v unhappy.

And as a sub-par Christian, I have a mere idea of why I am feeling this way. Most likely because I haven’t been incorporating God into my life, so there isn’t room to give control to Him AND I’m not emptying of myself, giving him space to play a part in my life (fully knowing that He doesn’t need permission or a note of hint to partake in anything of my life). Which conclusively leads to the fact that if I’m not following God right now, there is no sense of trust in Him.

Which leads to the root of the problem. Or two problems. 1. I’m not following God right now and 2. I have a hard time trusting God.

The latter is a deeper root issue that leads to why I can’t follow God. I feel as if I need answers to why few traumatic events have happened in my life so I can trust Him fully again....?

I don’t know what is destined and what is free will at this point of time.

If I were to replay the scenario of that night when mom was on the stairs in a very dangerous state of extreme self deprivation and I just let her be, would God have intervened?

Was my intervention God’s doing or myself?

Because to me it seems and feels v much the latter -- where I had to take the matter into my own hands to fix it.

So in that regard, I didn’t trust Him to come through.

If that’s true, if He didn’t come through, how can I trust Him?

I need answers.

From devotional:

“Harboring bitterness or holding a grudge reveals a lack of faith in the justice of God. It reveals that we think we could do HIs job better than He can. It’s also a failure to trust that God can take the evil things done to us and use them for good as part of HIs bigger plan.”

Sometimes I feel like in search for God, I find the intent or the state of my true heart.

One of those people that enables and empowers me to be a great and better human being.

Highlights of 2018

- Joint birthday party that raised more than enough money for a cause that we all cared about!

- That I’m actually really good at being a nurse

- Unexpectedly cultivating a deeper relationship with UVa girls

- Challenging myself and overcoming obstacles, whether short or long term are so important; thankful for climbing gyms that taught me to persevere and push through!

- Unhealthy borders tested with my parents; especially with my mom.

- Thanks to Jesus who constantly saves me and my family

- Unhappy trip to Cleveland and Detroit that tested many of my friendships

- Sally Mann’s art exhibit that made me cry.

- Constant lesson that feelings are designed to follow; not to lead by. Anger is a tool to make decisions with, not by.

- Ongoing with Jacob and him leaving so abruptly in June

- Graduating nursing school

- Unhealthy amount of pointless dates I’ve gone to distract myself; I’ve broken few hearts, and I’m sorry.

- One of my best trips to Seattle, and strengthening my relationship with Alice

- Stupid nights in Seattle

- Singing my way back, and saying YES to Kenya.

- Best month of my life spent in Kapsigoria, Kenya; learning about different diagnosis, health assessment skills, global health, and cultural sensitiveness.

- Passing licensure boards

- Starting my first job as a Registered Nurse in a surgical cardiovascular intensive care unit (CVICU)!!!!

- Lil’ sister graduated from Virginia Tech!

- Volunteering at a community clinic on Sundays as a nurse and wow, how humbling. how fulfilling.

- Earned myself two great doctor-grandpas

- Jenny getting engaged and being asked to be one of her bridesmaids

- Concerts: Lauv, Jorja Smith, Tom Misch, Matt & Kim, Beach House, Hyukoh, HONNE and Jon McLaughlin

To what cannot be done without You --

I give You praise, I give you all of my adoration, and I give You all the glory.

Thank you Jesus.

...

I passed the NCLEX-RN on my first try. Wow.

You bet I cried. You bet my mom cried. You bet my whole family cried. You bet all my friends who was on this road with me cried.

When I lose direction When I can't see the stars If we get disconnected I'll sing my way back to Your heart I'll sing my way back to Your arms

Steffany Gretzinger - Sing My Way Back

Currently signing my way back to Him; see you soon Kenya.

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