SpeakOut! Brandeis

TRIGGER WARNING: throughout this entire blog for sexual assault, violence and harassment. SpeakOut! Brandeis is a student-led initiative to promote awareness of the prevalence of sexual assault and harassment on our campus, and allow those affected by it to anonymously share their stories. Let's SpeakOut!

[speakoutbrandeis]

Not Ready

Since the day after I was assaulted, I feel like everyone has expected me to forgive him. I'm just not ready to forgive.

[speakoutbrandeis]

You can only spend so long being angry. 

[speakoutbrandeis]

Thank you, activists

At Brandeis, the message we receive is, ‘if you want something to change, you’re gonna have to change it yourself’ … ‘our students can do so much!’ they say… 'you, as students, have the power to incite change’, I’ve heard.

Has anyone ever thought about how incredibly draining these expectations are? Those who have experienced trauma as a result of acts of violence of any kind shouldn’t have to do all the work. It’s exhausting enough to have to experience traumas but to then be expected to pick up the pieces and enact change… it’s ridiculous to say the least.

To all the incredible activists on this campus, fighting for change, thank you. Thank you for your dedication to making this campus a safer place for all of us. Thank you for giving a platform to those whose voices have too often been silenced, for putting yourselves on the line, for opening yourselves up to scrutiny.

I don’t think anyone says these things enough, or at all. Know that you are appreciated. That you make a difference. You, NOT the administration, are the reason I (and I know many others) feel the least bit safe on this campus. Take care of yourselves. Know, that as much good as you do on this campus, it is not expected of you to fix all the wrongdoings of the institution. Let yourselves and your own well-being come first. As you are with those you advocate for, be kind and patient with yourselves. 

In appreciation and solidarity,

A survivor

[speakoutbrandeis]

Tired

I'm so exhausted. Emotionally, physically etc. I thought the worst of it was over after being assaulted... but I don't think anything can prepare you for the immense pain and retraumatization caused by institutional betrayal. Yes, now the university has a number of incredible resources for survivors, but that hasn't always been the case. If it weren't for the student activism that came before me and the push for more resources and proper training of faculty and staff, I'd still be completely lost. I'm so sick of students consistently having to advocate for ourselves. When will it be viewed as the job of our institution to instigate change for the safety and well-being of its students?

[speakoutbrandeis]

I will not spend another minute being unhappy because of things that I could not control. He has already taken so much from me, I will not let him take my light too.

[speakoutbrandeis]

Being at brandeis makes me feel like I am trapped inside my own head, he might be gone, but the memories are still there

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That night took more than my virginity- it took everything from me. I felt so broken inside afterwards. How can anyone ever love me after that?

[speakoutbrandeis]

I miss who I was before it happened. I was always the “smart” girl, hardworking, going places. I want so badly to be her again. 

[speakoutbrandeis]

Policy on Identifying Information

Dear Community,

We want to thank everyone who has bravely submitted to SpeakOut! Brandeis thus far. As we continue to receive and post submissions frequently, on an almost daily and weekly basis, we want to remind our community that we cannot post any submission containing identifying information such as names or other specific descriptions. While we generally allow references to club affiliations, we must also use discretion when submissions contain specific positions or titles. 

If you have submitted any post containing identifying information in the past which we were unable to post, please feel free to re-submit the post without the identifying information. 

We do not alter any posts in any way and therefore cannot remove or obscure identifying information so as to make submissions eligible for posting. 

Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

SpeakOut! Brandeis

[speakoutbrandeis]

Unpopular opinion: Students don't give the administration enough credit.

Granted, the university administration doesn’t handle all sexual assault cases perfectly. I’m not saying that mishandling doesn’t happen, or that everyone has a positive experience when going through the special examiner’s process or dealing with the administration. I’ve heard the horror stories too. 

But, when I was raped my freshman year, Brandeis was incredible. My CA was there for me every step of the way and helped me find resources on and off campus. Various members of the administration and community living reached out to me to ask how I was doing, whether there were any resources they could direct me to, or if I just needed someone to talk to. Maybe they were just helpful because I chose not to file a report, but regardless, I want people to know that there ARE good people in the administration who care and want to help. So don’t be afraid to reach out if something terrible happens to you. 

[speakoutbrandeis]

i keep asking how

how can you slap my face knowing full well i never consented, leave bruises that make me sick to look at, and pull my hair until my scalp is sore for days after?

how did you see pictures of the evidence, and still deny any wrongdoing? 

how could you assault me and rape her less than a week later? how did you even have the energy?

how can you see me on campus and think it's ok to plop down 20 feet away from me and play your goddamn guitar and sing a jaunty tune?

how do you stand up in front of so many peers and claim to be an advocate for justice?

how do i sleep, how do i eat, how do i do my assignments? (answer: badly)

HOW ARE YOU STILL ALLOWED ON MY CAMPUS? HOW?

how did i ever

fucking

fall in love with this

hateful

hateful

man

and how 

do i manage 

to still hate myself

more

[speakoutbrandeis]

Urgent: Take Back the Night (April 21, 8pm) Calling for Submissions!

The organizers of Take Back the Night, which is taking place tomorrow, April 21st at 8pm, are still looking for more submissions to be read aloud by event facilitators, event participants, or even by the authors of submissions themselves. 

If you would like to submit your story for Take Back the Night, please fill out this anonymous form: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1_M08pFxoFHL2mfO3aXaKu6BzEaZ27PK1b-68O6gH18A/viewform. 

You can submit a story to Take Back the Night that you have already shared on SpeakOut! Brandeis or you can submit something new, and add your voice to this very powerful and important event.

Sincerely, SpeakOut! Brandeis

[speakoutbrandeis]

Dear Abusive Ex

Today I realized something- that even though you have been approaching my friends, being friendly to them, saying hi, or even turning to them for support through this "hard" time, and even though some of them are responding and are choosing to interact with you and support you and be your friend, and even though you still have friends even after you raped me many times, you just will never ever be as happy as I am. I realized this and it was the best feeling in the world. You might not believe me but the thing is is that I know how you treated me in the relationship, making me feel like I was worth nothing. I saw how you were extremely shitty to your friends. And the thing is, is that you just can't possibly get people to love you, and I mean really love you, if you're treating people like that. I know you won't change how you treat people by the way you're refusing to take responsibility for what you did, to acknowledge what you did, and to try to change things so that you don't do it again (but by all means, do prove me wrong). So you won't have people who really love you because you treat all the people close to you like shit. But I have that. I have so many people in my life who truly love me and support me. And I am strong, and I am happy. This year has been the best year of my life- I have never been happier, and that is completely due to the fact that I have people who love me. So I just wanted to let you know, that even if you get some of my friends to take your side-to support you, you aren't doing anything. You aren't winning. You're actually losing, because I have real friends who love me who would *never* take your side (because really what decent person sides with a rapist??) and you just will never have that. I'm strong. I am happy. I am winning. You can't do anything to break me. Take all my shitty friends, have them. You will never in your life be as happy as me. So fuck you, I hope you enjoy your shitty life you rapist asshole. 

Yours Truly,

Your strong, empowered, beautiful ex

[speakoutbrandeis]

i did some stuff with a guy while drunk and consented but idk if i would have consented sober and idk if that counts as assault or not

Dear Anonymous,

It takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength to hold questions like this and to share your question with others, so thank you. We feel that only the person who has an experience can decide what the experience is or means to them. While there may not be someone who can answer your question or decide for you, there are many people who you can talk to about your experience, thoughts, and questions.

If you think that talking to someone would be helpful, here are a few of them. You can find more information and many other resources on our Resources Tab. 

On campus:

*Sheila McMahon, Sexual Assault Services and Prevention Specialist

       Usdan 106, Office of Prevention Services

       [email protected]

*The Brandeis Rape Crisis Center

       Usdan 108

       Open Mon - Fri 12pm - 5pm

*The Psychological Counseling Center

        Mailman Building 

*Peer resources such as STAR, 6-TALK/BCRCH, SSIS, and QRC

Off Campus:

*BARCC

         24/7 Hotline: [phone]

Sincerely,

SpeakOut! Brandeis

[speakoutbrandeis]

Take Back the Night 2015  Tuesday, April 21 at 8pm

Please join STAR, FMLA, the Brandeis Rape Crisis Center, the Office of Prevention Services, Brandeis Students Against Sexual Violence (B.SASV) and members of the Brandeis community in a march around campus and candle-lit vigil to raise awareness of sexual violence, show solidarity and support, listen to testimonials, empower survivors, and strengthen our resolve as a community to end sexual violence.

Take Back the Night is an annual event which started in the 1970s to address and take a stand against sexual violence. Its original purpose was to speak out against the epidemic of violence against women across the globe and now includes recognition of survivors of diverse gender identities and sexual orientations.

We welcome all to meet us at the Rabb steps at 8 PM, Tuesday, April 21st, where our march will begin. During the event, we will make our way through a number of campus quads, creating a safe space to share and listen to personal narratives,  working to create a sense of community and support, and raising our united voices to take back the night. As we march through campus, we encourage anyone to join us.

This event may be very emotional or triggering, so we encourage everyone to take care of themselves and check in with one another. A number of resources will be present at the event should anyone like support: Sheila McMahon from the Office of Prevention Services, Peer Advocates from the Brandeis Rape Crisis Center, members of the Psychological Counseling Center staff and STAR Peer Counselors.

If you wish to add your story or narrative to the night, please submit this form to STAR: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1_M08pFxoFHL2mfO3aXaKu6BzEaZ27PK1b-68O6gH18A/viewform?usp=send_form

Join us in our efforts to empower survivors, especially those in the Brandeis community to Take Back the Night.

Hope to see you there, Evelyn Milford (On behalf of The Office of Prevention Services)

[speakoutbrandeis]

Brandeis staff don't know shit about title ix

Can the people in academic services please learn what title ix is? It is embarrassing that sexual assault survivors have to educate members of academic services on what title ix is. 

[speakoutbrandeis]

Can you petition the University/DCL to have Bystander training be part of the process for registering a party? At the beginning of the year DCL could host like 5 different sessions and anyone that thinks they might host a party should have to go to one. Just like hosts are responsible for having snacks in case people get too drunk at their party, hosts should have bystander training in case they have creepy people there. I think this would be a good step forward in getting more people trained.

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the party registration process! We as moderators agree that DCL should revise its party registration policy to require hosts to be bystander trained, and to take measures to create safer environments. 

A student group called Brandeis Students Against Sexual Violence (B.SASV) created a petition last year in which they outlined several initiatives and improvements that they believe will help combat sexual violence and rape culture. You can find their petition here https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ivuytO-P8x3vr6bjthqIj0R-OXup16-5oL7EvxwmxEM/edit. Their proposal to revise the party registration process is number 8. 

For more information on the work B.SASV is doing, we’d suggest you reach out to them on their Facebook page or email [email protected].

The Office of Prevention Services, headed by Sheila McMahon, is also very interested in working to train more members of our community in pro-social bystander training. If you are interested, you can contact her at [email protected].

Sincerely,

SpeakOut! Brandeis