Relationships can be hard, specially when you have kids or have a long distance relationship. When you are arguing about something, doesn't really matter at all right now. Because the thing I will talk about is about the words and the meaning during these argues.
Behind every word you say, it has a meaning. Behind every action you take, it has a meaning. If your spouse talks about something over and over again, you might want to listen to the meaning and not just the words. If your spouse always act the same during, we say emotional stress. IT HAS A MEANING!
Take a moment and analyze it. Repeat it in your head. EVERY WORD AND ACTION HAS A MEANING. You can't say stupid things during an argument and blame it on your feelings, and say it doesn't mean or matter. Because it does! Your words mean a lot, not just for the person who hears it, but for yourself too. Because it has either a thought or a feeling from you, when you say it.
I can take a personal example. When me and my husband argued about parenting a few weeks ago, we both had these big big feelings. He said one thing that broke me inside and out. My emotions went crazy and I said "fuck off". These words are not my typical words I use in my everyday language. After I have calm myself down, I started to think about what I said to him. I realized why I said what I said. I wanted him to leave me alone, and close his mouth. When I talk to people about this kind of stuff, people many times says that they don't mean things they say or do. But if you think about it on a deeper level, you'll start to understand your own body and mind. During hot arguments and emotions, we can't really control everything, right? False. WE CAN if you really want and if you have the ability to handle it right. Many people with autism and ADHD have a impulse control problem. If you don't have the right tools for the problem you can't really solve the problem right.
