HiFi had always felt comfortable in their mind.
It was like slipping into a warm oil bath, like sipping her favorite energon. They were like the ocean, the waves of them around her mind and body making it easy to sink into. They opened themselves to her in ways no one else ever would, ever will, and she loved them deeply.
Accepted them. Opened herself up to everything. The only rule was that her spark belonged to no one.
She didn’t know why, but sparks were pain. She only had thoughts around them being something that should never be touched. It was wrong and aching and painful. But her mind, her body, they were open books. And she was okay with that.
She just wanted to love them. As she was.
She accepted everything and giggled softly, curling closer to Sides as the wind and water made music behind them. HiFi wanted to fight at their side, after all, someone had to make sure they always came home to her.
She was tired of losing things. Of losing people.
He would’ve felt sad that her view of sparks had become like that, but… Did he really have any grounds to disagree?
Your own spark was one thing. He liked his spark, he liked having a spark. It was a little weird and didn’t work exactly like sparks usually did, but though it always hurt, when he wasn’t spark to spark with his missing piece, he still liked it. Liked the warmth of it that was Sunstreaker, and all the good, lovely, pretty things that no else could see.
But that was just his own spark.
And he wasn’t confident that adding someone to the mix wouldn’t be a mistake.
Sparks could be hurt. Even just physically, mecha could poke at them and do things to them that hurt them. He knew. Creator hadn’t let it continue, but he knew.
That paled in comparison to what someone with direct access to it could do, though. They’d see everything and they’d know everything, and if they wanted to, they could use that against you.
Even if they didn’t, having something happen to someone that close to you could be devastating.
He knew. His spark was in two places. Something could happen to one half of it that the other couldn’t prevent. It wasn’t nice.
It was best that sparks were left out of it, it was. So much could go wrong with sparks, and you’d have to give up so much of yourself…
He didn’t want to share. Sunstreaker was his, and only he could see the truth of his light. That was the way it was supposed to be.
Even without that, HiFi saw and had access to more than most ever did. She could see what made them tick, what drove them and what held them back and how their thoughts wove through motivations and arguments and counterarguments.
All the bad and the ugly was right there for her to see too, stripped bare if she wanted to look, because they didn’t see the point of hiding things from her.
And yet she’d never turned away from them. She accepted the bad as well as the good in a way he could hardly doubt with how thoroughly deep she could see- how she’d never given any indication there was something she couldn’t reconcile with.
He hoped that one day he could doubt Megatron as little as he doubted her, but Megatron couldn’t do what she could. It was too easy to keep secrets from Megatron, and too difficult to explain everything to him. It would take so much more time.
He didn’t have to explain anything to her. He just had to be, and all he ever needed to do was show.
Sideswipe grinned, lightly, and turned his helm to nuzzle hers. She was so much more colorful like this. Not as vibrant as Sunstreaker, no one ever was, but so much more vivid than the flat, dull surroundings of everything ans everyone else. It was another reason to like this, to prefer it like this. He got to see anyone’s living colors so rarely.
She had very nice colors. He’d missed them. They were colors that were to be kept happy, but she’d never asked much from them in that regard. They would’ve given happily if she had, or if she did. What could they give when she didn’t ask for anything? He had so many adventures they’d been on, and though he wasn’t sure all of the adventures themselves were anything he could’ve brought her to, there were things left behind by them. New lands had been discovered and new things had gotten found, and she should see some of them. For herself, not just through their memories. It would be a mini-adventure to show those things to her!
