it has now been two weeks since my blog was terminated and tumblr has not only not responded to me, but also not responded to any of the thoughtful friends i have willing to email them in the hopes of getting my blog back. i have now lost all hope of getting back my 16000 posts i had retained on this site and the past four years of my life: all of my journal posts, my gender thoughts, my mental disorder posts, my carefully tagged and catalogued fandom posts, every response with my friends i have on here, and every single piece of art i have made in the past four years.
everything i have made, said, or proved i existed in my adult life, 1/6 of my full life, and 2/5 of my life i even have memory of is either blocked off from me or completely gone, and this hit to me emotionally and mentally has been too strong for me to try to get any of it back. theres things i dont even have the possibility of getting back even if i tried, and i honestly cant deal with that. it hurts me even more to think that there is a very strong possibility that people who refuse to leave me alone even after months of being apart that are the cause of this, who honestly can never be happy with themselves until i am absolutely miserable. and if these people are indeed the cause of this, i sincerely hope you are happy because i am not, and i know that is what you always wanted.
what i have done now is refollow everyone i can remember i was following on my old account in case i ever decide to come back here and anyone has changed their urls or has also ended their stay on this site. however, i no longer wish to use this site, at least for now. i will keep this account active for as long as i see fit, so should anyone who has no other way to contact me wishes to send asks here, you may do so, and i promise i will happily respond.
its been a very interesting four years, full of ups and downs. i have enjoyed my time on here, meeting every single one of you who i love: my close friends, my inspirations, those who have helped me in my times of need whether it be my mental problems or my gender or any other aspect of my identity, the pervs i talk kinky junk with, the artists i admire who somehow also admire me, my beautiful and amazing girlfriend, every single one of you. you all mean so much to me and i wish this hadnt happened but unfortunately it has and i have to deal with this in the only way i know how.
i love you all and i will miss you dearly. maybe one day i will come back. until then, goodbye. youve all been very kind to me.