if i get a little prettier, can i be your baby? @splitzbray-blog - Tumblr Blog

Luckily for me and us – we – I am not a singer. My parents once made a poor attempt at having me learn the piano. I have to admit that I struggled with actually attending the lessons. That were at my own house. I think we’re in the clear there… but even if animal sweaters are the next big thing?

I don’t know if it’s stress-inducing. They’re pretty. There’s no debating that. I mean, my vision is fine, but I can’t say that the popularity matters much. I know, I know. I need to change that or something… well, you and I are friends. Finn and I are… teammates is likely a better way of putting it.

splitzbray-blog

Oh, please -- if you’re going to start predicting animal sweaters as the ‘next big thing’, then you might as well pretend that the tragedy that is Mr. Schuester’s sweater vest and jheri curl combo doesn’t make you want to commit suicide.

From your lack of enthusiasm, it doesn’t take a genius to understand that you’d probably rather be knee deep in a pile of homework. You know I would never force you into doing something you’d be uncomfortable with, no matter how beneficial I know it could be for you, but you should think about it. All I’m saying is that it’s an option.

#tw: sucide #po: tumblr.

mikerchangs

I have never disliked anybody as much as you dislike Rachel Berry. It’s almost terrifying. Don’t let me get on your bad side.

Oh, of course. I’d never throw you under the bus. It was all my idea. Taking Santana – no – Brittany on a date. Or something. Maybe. I’m still on the fence. You’re going to have to make it sound like a good idea. Right now, all that’s coming to mind is me being the third wheel with you and Finn – featuring Brittany or Santana.

splitzbray-blog

You have nothing to worry about -- unless you were to suddenly parade around with a downright annoying personality wearing concerning animal sweaters and singing show tunes, then it’s safe to say you’ll always find yourself on my good side.

Spoiled for choice between 2/3′s of McKinley’s hottest trio? I can’t say I blame you -- choosing between two of the prettiest, most popular girls in school (respectfully after yours truly, obviously) must be stress-inducing even for someone as smart as yourself, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have many other redeemable qualities, so it depends entirely on your type. Like you said, you’re not the most experienced when it comes to dating, and while I’m hardly an expert, at least I have some insight. Most boys would jump at the chance to take a Cheerio out for dinner, and having Finn and myself there to distract from any first date jitters could only be a good thing. And besides, we’re all friends, are we not?

#po: tumblr.

mikerchangs

Quinn, Quinn, Quinn… Someday, you’re going to end up in the eternal kingdom with Rachel Berry. I kid, I kid. But if it happens, I plan to be right by your side and laughing my ass off.

I’m trying to weigh my options here. Know any nice Asian cheerios? That’s the only way that I think that we could get my parents to approve. Though… I suppose that I could lie to them. It would not be the first time. Honestly, I’m having trouble figuring out who my parents would dislike more. The choice is difficult here!

splitzbray-blog

And if for whatever catastrophic reason that did happen, here’s to hoping God would at least do me a favour by supplying me with a plastic spoon so that I could gauge out my own eyeballs instead of having to look at her.

On the off chance your father were ever to find out about this conversation, I’d like to make it perfectly clear that I’m in no way condoning going against your parents wishes, but technically, there are far worse sins to be committed in comparison to something as minor as telling a little white lie or two.

#[ not sure if her fave thing about him is that he doesnt defend rachel berry like finn prob does ]#po: tumblr.

mikerchangs

You know what they say – we’re all born sinners. If a majority of my sins come from being too nice, I guess I’ll take what I can get. Doesn’t mean that I can’t say just as much about other people that we know. Is that a sin? All I know is that I’m keeping my mouth shut. It’s what I’m good at.

Ouch. Hey, who would I ask out? I don’t know if there’s any girls that would be down for it. Anyway, I can’t. You know my parents. They’d rather I focus on my studies rather than girls. I know Finn isn’t all bad. He’s a good quarterback and a nice enough guy. He’s just… a little slow to understand… you know, most things.

splitzbray-blog

Personally, I like to believe there’s hope for all of us, unfortunately that includes the bottom feeders, Rachel Berry and her whoreish skirts, and that smart (if often wrong) mouth of yours. God is all forgiving, just as long as you’re willing to follow his guidance into redemption.

Understandable, though not completely excusable. I know how your parents can be, but I’m starting to think even my father is finally coming around to the idea of tolerating Finn at our family dinners. I’m sure you’re more than capable of making your own decisions, but everyone knows the Cheerios are exclusively committed to dating members of the football team. You have a lot going for you, considering that half the boys at this school have yet to familiarise themselves with the use of deodorant, and I’m sure either of my best two girls would happily oblige to dinner and a movie.

#po: tumblr.

mikerchangs

Do you think that Rachel could figure out Twitter? No, I take that back. I don’t think that the world is ready for her twelve part tweets. Rather, I don’t think that I’m ready for that. I’d probably follow her. I can’t tell if it’d be to be nice or out of morbid curiosity. Who am I kidding? It would be both. That video… I don’t… know if I can look away.

Should be, yes, but I still feel like you’re lowering your standards in order to be with Finn. I always imagined you with someone… less… Now, I don’t want to call Finn dumb, but that’s what’s springing to mind here.

splitzbray-blog

She really does make this way too easy. Who knew it was possible for someone to be just as insufferable behind a computer as they are in person? But then again, I suppose she does have that giant beak to aid her in her typing. You really are far too nice, Mike. Not mocking her would be like a sin in itself.

Finn’s an idiot at best, but he’s my idiot -- which is something, and what he lacks he brains he more than makes up for with other good qualities. Stay in your lane, Chang. I don’t need relationship advice from someone who’s spending their nights with an xBox and their left hand. But who knows, maybe if you were to take my advice and ask out one of the Cheerios, we could finally double date, and you would see that Finn isn’t such a bad guy and help raise your popularity in the process.

#po: tumblr.

mikerchangs

Oh, I have no doubt that this is a blessing. I’m just saying – that wouldn’t have been the word that I would have used is all! I’m not sure what word I would have used though. I might have to find a dictionary.

Ah, well, I suppose that might make me blessed in more than one. I should have known that you would be able to make time for the Lord. And me, though it isn’t as important. Hey, I think if you offered him pancakes… but I think you might be better off. Nothing against Finn. Just… better off.

splitzbray-blog

In comparison to Gayberry’s blog posts, I’d imagine something even as long as an actual dictionary would be classed as easy reading. Character limits truly are waisted on her. Speaking of that Thing, guess who managed to convince JBI into leaking her next MySpace upload. Here’s a sneak peak incase you’re still searching for your daily source of entertainment.

You and me both; though for different reasons, I suppose. I wouldn’t expect most people to understand the special relationship I share with God, but I’m glad I have someone who shares the same beliefs I do and understands to some extent, at least. And perhaps you would be better off if you weren’t so oblivious to the concept of social hierarchy, then you would understand that by the classic high school stereotype, the Head Cheerleader and the Quarterback should be together. It’s practically written in the stars, and despite being awfully dim at times, he'll make an excellent running mate for Prom.

#po: tumblr.

in-love-with-movies

Dirty Dancing (USA, 1987)

#likes.

mikerchangs

If this introduction is concise, I think that I need to reconsider what that word means. Where would that leave me? Not speaking whatsoever? Though, I suppose that compared to Rachel Berry… well, anything is kind of brief.

One phrase springs to mind here – ‘Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown’. Often misquoted, but I might have just finished “Henry IV” so I’ve got that down. This time.

Though, it does beg the question. If you’re so busy, are you not going to have time for me? It might be time for me to branch out then and not just have friends from church. Not that I’m very social, so we’ll have to see how that one turns out.

splitzbray-blog

Believe me, after being subjected to Rachel Berry’s God awful online presence for the better part of a year, a mere three and a half paragraphs is practically a blessing to the internet. Really, you should be thanking me.

You should know better than anyone that no matter how rigorous my schedule might become, I’ll always have time to dedicate my Sunday’s to Church service and then to a stack of pancakes at brunch, both which thankfully include you. Quite frankly, I appreciate the company while being told I’m going to hell, and Finn has been ignorantly blind lately when it comes to my attempts at rewarding him in return of his Church attendance.

#po: tumblr.

Unsurprisingly, it appears I’m the only one with a social life. You’re seriously lame if you can manage to find so much time to spend online, and God know’s how some of you do it.

Whilst you were no doubt subject to the torture of GayBerry’s countless video uploads, I decided to make much more productive use of my free time, managing to spend some much needed time with my boyfriend, the Quarterback of the McKinley Titans, Finn Hudson, complete any and all homework due, dedicate myself to a rigorous weekend exercise routine, all before my scheduled nightly prayer. Sometimes, it truly astounds me how I manage to do so much and still find the time to rock my Cheerios uniform on the daily.

At this point, I suppose I should reconsider whether a welcome or introductory post is even necessary – and unlike Rupaul I like to keep my introductions more or less concise; my popularity is only reinforced by the fact I’ve noticed a few familiar (and not so familiar) faces before I’ve even had the opportunity to create a post. If you’re following me, there’s no doubt you’re already well acquainted with my reign as Queen Bee and one half of McKinley’s Power Couple. Quinn Fabray should respectively ring a bell. Congratulations on having good taste.

Though really, my sudden appearance into the ‘blogosphere’ shouldn’t come as much of a surprise; as the most popular girl in school and Captain of the Cheerios, a personal blog is the perfect opportunity to showcase my talents, charming personality and indefinite rise upon the social ladder to those of sponsors. And let this be a warning to the unwise; take advantage of the anonymous feature and you’ll regret it.

#tw gay slurs #[ just in case ]#post: tumblr.