This, except things that have Actually Happened To Me
you learn how to multiply vectors. the next semester, you relearn how to multiply vectors in at least four* different classes.
the semester-long robot project will inevitably dissolve into chaos. even if the mechanics and code are perfect, come testing it will spontaneously not function for absolutely no reason (unless you built it the night before while blackout drunk**).
you get better grades when you make the flowchart after writing the script
the mechanical engineering building has children’s toys in display cases. you try to find your lecture hall but somehow end up in the basement. you wander for a while in search of a staircase. you find a ramp that leads to what looks like another building. it is, in fact, the same frankenbuilding.
the walls are whiteboard material. you are encouraged to write on the walls.
your physics ta takes several of you and your classmates to see the particle accelerator. he leads you into the basement of the physics building and through tunnels under the engineering mall to get there. there is a wall full of very tempting buttons and switches colored in a mint green, but the operator gives you a sidelong glance. when the tour is over the ta leads you back through the tunnels. you are now in the materials building.
it’s right-hand rule, they say, over and over again. right. you get to the exam. everyone else*** is using their left hands.
time does not exist in the computer lab in the civil engineering building. its windowless cinderbrick is where cellular data goes to die. You have never seen it empty, not even at 11pm on a friday night. 11? It’s 3am now. Or is it?
there is a male bathroom on every floor. there is a female bathroom on every other floor. the half-basement of the civil engineering building has a unisex bathroom with warnings on the doors and both urinals and stalls in what clearly used to be just a men’s bathroom and then they remembered women
the elevators never come when called. you begin to think they don’t actually exist, until your professor calls one and it comes right away.
you were under the impression that the building was all labs and offices. you run into your nursing major friend. turns out there’s a nursing wing to your engineering lab building.
as you leave the hydrology lab for the night, you realize you left a light on inside. the door is already locked behind you so you go to get the key. when you return, the light is off. the door is still locked.
there is a waterfall spanning three whole stories in the atrium. you are forbidden to touch it. you think, surely someone has touched it. no one you know has touched it****
the small cafe in the aero building is always closed when you try to go to it. your friends rave about how good the coffee there is.
Your professor has you go get water samples across campus during class. You come back to find that Scum Pond has better water quality than the water fountains on the fifth floor of the aero building. Good to know.
*this is not an exaggeration
**my buddy who did this is now a literal rocket scientist. if you are so inclined, pray.
***ok this one’s an exaggeration. but it was more than one person
****you touch it and find that it is not, in fact, an example of perfectly laminar flow. the streams of water are actually just droplets falling down strings to the pool below. you feel offended, but also watched. you snatch your hand away and hope no one knows that you know.
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