After a year long hiatus, SportsPants has come back. Hungrier than ever to fill the void between the informed professional and the uninformed fan. The Mavericks and the Stars have been eliminated from playoff contention. The Cowboys do not appear to have a secondary. The beating that is the Major League Baseball season begins tomorrow. And FC Dallas appears to have more drive to win its league than Arsenal. So suffice to say sports are happening. And SportsPants hopes that he has more than a handful of posts in him this time around. We’ll also be poking DesignPants to see if he’s woken up from his slumber and see if any of our other panted friends are interested in contributing. Super pumped to get this going.
I’m not really sure what needs to be written. I’m not really sure what more this Gunners team can do. We’ve (that’s right WE’VE, I’m apart of this) gone undefeated in the preseason. We’ve won the highly coveted treble that is the Singapore Cup, the Emirates Cup, and the Community Shield. We’ve beaten Chelsea and laid the winless demon to rest that has long haunted Le Professeur since Mourinho’s Premier League arrival. It’s kinda already mission accomplished. But, just for my sake, let’s talk about the impending Premier League season. You can even start hanging the banner while you read this if you want.
Let’s start with season expectations. I’ve done a bit of the research online, I’ve listened to a few podcasts, and I’ve even heard a bit of local radio and there is quite the contingency of Gooner fans and soccer fans in general that have pretty lofty expectations for the team this year. I am not a long time Arsenal fan. I have not been Arsenal conscious for a good chunk of my life. And I, unlike most fans, do not really recall the great teams of the past. Much like my Cowboys fandom, while I know there is historical greatness, all that comes to mind for me is mediocrity (relatively speaking) and under achievement. So to hear that Arsenal is a lot of soccer guy’s “click to pick” this year is a little bit jarring for me. I’m an Arsenal cynic. Love the team to death, but I’ve read this story before I feel like. I expect us to finish in the top 4 certainly. But as much as I want to, I cannot let myself believe that this year is the year. I won’t do it. I won’t say it. I’ve been burned by that candle too many times. I think it will be a fun season, but I see a 2nd place finish at best. I hope I’m wrong. I hope I get to see Wenger and SharkFace and the Sack and SpanishJoel lift the cup at the end of the year. I just can’t say I think it’s gonna happen. It would be disingenuous.
Now that we’re all somber and bummed that no Premier League title is in our future according to me, let’s talk about the team. Are we better right now than we were this time last year? Abso-effing-lutely. Did we add much? Nope, but we did address what a lot of people considered a pretty glaring need in our goalkeeper situation and we also really didn’t have a ton of needs. Sure, I’d like a world class striker, but so would every other team that doesn’t have an Ibra or a Suarez.
We’ll move from back to front. In the back, I expect to see Cech in goal. If he’s not, something bad has happened. In front of him I think the same back four we saw the season close with last year will all reprise their roles. From left to right, Monreal, Mertesacker, Koscielny, and Bellerin with Gibbs and Debuchy pushing both outside backs hard to keep those first team spots. I’m cool with Gabriel and Chambers getting some playing time, but like the Cech thing, if the Sack and Koscielny aren’t playing the bulk of the minutes, something has gone wrong. I expect Koscielny to be a top 4 player minimum at his position and for the defensive unit as a whole to be one of the best in the league. I think having that continuity back there that we haven’t had in quite some time is going to do us wonders.
In the midfield, it should be pretty fun. I think that Coquelin has cemented himself as that enforcing badass holding mid that everyone thought was gonna be Carvalho from Lisbon or Kondogbia at Inter. Point Wenger. From there it’s a toss up who gets the nod on a consistent basis in the first team. My guess would be Ramsey and Özil/Cazorla. I know what you’re thinking, “Hey SportsPants Writer Blog Guy, that’s kinda cheating isn’t it?” It’s not. You should already understand why, but if not you’ll see in a moment. As for these three, I’d put them up against any other central group in the league. I think SharkFace (that’s Özil, don’t tell me you don’t see it) is at or near the top of his position in the league and I really think Ramsey is too. The issue for both these guys in consistency. If they can stay on and play to the ability they’re capable of, we’re in good shape. If they turn off for a few games, they can look really mediocre at times. Behind Coquelin, Arsenal has the card machine Flamini who is another one of those guys where if he receives significant minutes, we’re in trouble. Behind Ramsey and Özil are Arteta, Rosicky, and ole Jackie Wilshire, who of course is capable of greatness but perhaps may never achieve it thanks to nagging injuries and mental lapses. I want him to be great so bad though. So bad. But that’s for a different article.
And lastly up top. I think the striker spot is Giroud’s to lose. I think Walcott wants it and that’s great, but for now the 9 spot is that beautiful Frenchman’s. Cazorla/Özil on the left wing (that earlier thing makes better sense now right?) and Sanchez on the right. The start of the season on Sunday, however, will see Walcott out there I assume though as Sanchez gets himself right for gameplay. This section of the field is where I still have my reservations. The group is absolutely capable of goals galore, but I haven’t see that in big games, and the big games are where the final table results are made. I think Sanchez is arguably the best player in Premier League. In fact, I will just say it, Alexis Sanchez will be the best player in the Premier League this year. SPORTSPANTS LOCK OF THE YEAR. I imagine Walcott will deal with nagging injuries like he always does and Giroud will score lots of goals against small clubs and little to no goals against the big boys in the league. Behind them we have the Ox, Welbeck, and Joel Campbell who probably won’t ever see the light of day with so much forward depth all wanting playing time. I want to see Welbz succeed, he’s super easy to cheer for and I think Oxlade-Chamberlain is on that cusp of becoming a bonafide superstar, only time will tell I guess.
All of this adds up to what I assume will be a tight race that will result in probably heartbreak for the Gooners, but hopefully not. Eh. You know what? Screw it. You’ve all talked me into it. This roster has the depth and the makeup to be great and to compete for 1st in the league. Arsenal for the win. Arsenal will win the Premier League title this year. This is it. Our moment. And it’s gonna be one hell of a ride.
That’s all I got. These predictions are my own. Sorry if they’re boring or along the lines of how you already feel. If that is the case, it’s probably just because, like me, you’re really smart and you get that this is how the season is gonna go. I’ll try to be more controversial in the future.
As always, thanks for reading this thing, it makes me feel good that you are. Love all the good feelies it gives me. Sorry for the gap between posts, but if you hadn’t noticed, the SportsPants team was busy getting DesignPants up and off the ground. It has been a raging success thus far. Thank you all for your tremendous support. We’ve got a few more posts in can so expect a little more consistency in the future, SportsPants isn’t going anywhere. Probably not. SportsPants probably isn’t going anywhere. Sorry for all the soccer talk.
Good afternoon everyone. This is it. We’ve finally made our way to the first official article of DesignPants. I thought I would start with something near and dear to my heart and just tear it to shreds. I have tried my best (and mostly succeeded) to be unbiased and not to let my opinion of the team sway my opinion of the logo. I have also thrown tradition out the window; any classic team that makes it on either side of the list does so based entirely on its design merit.
I have spent hours in thought, sought trustworthy council, and prayed fervently (just kidding on the last one). My criteria for these rankings takes into account the main logos and the secondary logos of the team, but does not include jersey design. And so without too much rambling, because there will be tons of it as we go, here are my Top 5 and my Bottom 5 NBA logos:
Bottom 5: The Bad and the Awful
#5 - Los Angeles Clippers (brand new logo)
I’m torn on this logo, because I really like the LAC monogram, I think it’s exciting and unique and ugly-cool and it will look great on the t-shirt of that drunk guy who is spilling beer on your shoes the next time LA comes to town. Unfortunately, it seems like they whipped up the rest of the logo in the 5 minutes before their presentation started. They get a small amount of credit for avoiding the cliche spikey sports lettering for “Clippers”, but lose it immediately because the letters they chose suck. Also the NBA Live logo comparisons are totally applicable.
#4 - Miami Heat
Ok, I know I said I wasn’t going to let my opinions of the team sway my opinions of the logos, but I straight-up lied to you. This is a bad logo for a bad team and seeing it on the fronts of thousands of LeBron James jerseys and t-shirts has made it even worse. First of all, the thickness of the lines on the flames are completely arbitrary, and don’t even get me started on the random yellow flames sticking out of the top. Someone screwed up with the Paint Bucket Tool in 1999 and no one has ever corrected it. Finally the word mark is stupid and that stupid “T” needs to go back where it came from.
#3 - Golden State Warriors
Maybe I can win back your trust with this ranking, because I am an admitted Warriors bandwagoner. This is a team that I like with a really bad logo. First of all, Copperplate Gothic? Really? Were they only allowed to use the fonts that came preloaded on their Toshiba? Second, look at how the blue circle doesn’t align correctly with the yellow circle. LOOK AT IT. My only explanation is that they were going for a 3D effect where it looks like Warriors is closer to you than Golden State, but it REALLY doesn’t work. The bridge is alright, and if you only see it from really far away, maybe this would be a decent logo.
#2 - Oklahoma City Thunder
I had a hard time keeping this logo off of the #1 spot. There are so many problems I don’t know where to start. The only positive thing I can say is that the wordmark isn’t the worst. Beyond that we’ve got the guitar pick shape, the bad perspective effects, the arbitrary swooshes, and the awful colors. They have no excuse in this case. There isn’t some logo from the 1890s that they have to reference, there isn’t years of fan equity built up, they had the chance to make something completely from scratch and they really blew it.
#1 - Washington Wizards
This is a bad logo disguising itself as a decent logo and that is why it is the worst of them all. At a glance, the basketball is cool, it has the washington monument and a star, it’s red, white, and blue, and it’s in a circle. Everybody likes that! This logo falls apart in the details though, and when it does, it REALLY falls apart. The lines in the ball don’t make any sense and the star is just forced in there, the line weight is all over the place and random, and the dimension on the monument doesn’t apply anywhere else in the logo. The lettering gets worse and worse the more you look at it. The spacing is bad and the details are terrible. Look at the “I”, look at the bottom right of the “N”, and if you don’t want to go insane NEVER LOOK AT THE “G” EVER IN YOUR LIFE. If that wasn’t enough, someone was kind enough to grab the below detail shot from the Wizards media guide. If you don’t know what you’re looking at, it’s the sign of not only a bad logo, but a logo that didn’t really even try.
Top 5: The Good and the Great
#5 - Milwaukee Bucks
We start our top 5 list with the incredibly fun logo of the Milwaukee Bucks. That buck drawing is awesome with the hidden basketball in the antlers, the almost subtle M in the neck, and the beautifully minimal face. The lettering is a little wonky, but I think it’s in a good way. There also appears to be some thought put into how the letters looked laid out in a semi-circle. I’ve heard some people say they don’t like the colors, but I think they are fantastic. The Bucks would go higher on my list, but their secondary logos are really terrible. The basketball alternate is as poorly drawn as the buck is well-drawn. I don’t have too much to say, it’s just terrible. Similarly the Wisconsin with BUCKS in it seems to be hastily thrown together in the worst way.
#4 - New Orleans Pelicans
I tried my best to avoid picking all newer logos for this list, because it’s really easy to pick the designs that fit most within the current design trends. This is definitely a trendy logo, but I also think it happens to be a pretty good one. Granted, in 10 or 15 years the lettering may seem a little dated, but the drawing of the pelican, the use of color, and the layout of the information will always be effective. The use of space is my favorite part of the logo with a fleur-de-lis, a pelican, the wordmark, a basketball, and the team name all sharing the logo beautifully. The hierarchy is great as well, leading us down from New Orleans to the pelican drawing, whose beak draws our eyes to Pelicans, which is curved to bring us back up into the composition. The only complaint I have with the logo is that it will start to get very cluttered at any sort of smaller size, but their alternate logos are pretty good and that pelican looks like it might rip my eyes out if it hears me talking bad about it.
#3 - Memphis Grizzlies
We open our top three with the Memphis Grizzlies. Their color palette is a little childish, but they make up for it with that bear. The wordmark is alright, I’m not sure about the inline look, and the spikes on the top lefts are at least consistent. The illustration has a couple hiccups in the details (what’s up with that mouth?), but the overall look is great and the attitude is awesome. This attitude moves deftly into the fantastic alternate logo, with a beautifully drawn claw gripping the ball. The claws blending into the seams of the ball is a nice touch.
#2 - Minnesota Timberwolves
I got some backlash for putting the T-Wolves logo this high in my list, but I DONT CARE. This logo is a blast, with the snarling wolf coming over the treeline and the quirky wordmark. The composition has hints of a Goosebumps book cover, and I like to think the designers weren’t taking themselves too seriously. This wordmark of course is an updated version introduced 5 years ago, and is a great refinement of the old version which was INSANE. The “Minnesota” type is nice and the colors are great. There’s not much negative to say about this logo unless you are a sourpuss who hates fun lettering and wishes there were more layups in today’s game. Also the alternate logo is pretty sweet.
#1 - Atlanta Hawks
Alright here it is, the number 1 top logo in the NBA in this humble reporter’s opinion is the Atlanta Hawks. This is a very good logo. The hawk’s head is a derivative of the great “pacman” logo that was used from 1972—1995. I’m still partial to the simplified classic logo, but this is a good update, adding some modern fierceness to the hawk. It took me a while to come around to the wordmark, and I still don’t love how some of it works in the circle, but overall I’m a big fan. The alternate logo, which will be used in many applications, ditches the wordmark and amplifies the logo’s great restraint and minimalism which is absolutely rare in sports branding. I still don’t know if I can come around on their crazy neon green secondary color and jerseys, but this is a logo blog post, so get off my back!!
Honorable Mention
76ers Secondary Ben Franklin Logo
This is a majestic design. A lot of times we get caught up being so serious about sports, this is a fantastic example of having fun with sports and sports design. More insanity in sports logos please.
Wrapping Up
That’s all for this week’s DesignPants, I’ll try to find some time soon for some more sports logo rankings, and I’ll be keeping my ear to the ground and exhausting all of my sources for the latest breaking sports design news.
Massive thanks to sportslogos.net for the fantastic resource. If you have any sports or design related topics you are dying for DesignPants to weigh in on, let me know and I’ll see what I can do.
—Jesse is on twitter and Instagram, and sometimes he puts stuff on Behance
Hello all, and welcome to DesignPants: a division of SportsPants Inc. My name is Jesse, and I’ll be using this space to write about anything that marginally relates to the combination of sports and design (that’s right, an even smaller niche than SportsPants proper caters to). This will include things like team logo reviews, rankings, jersey talk, and that’s all I’ve thought of so far. To summarize, this might as well be like that one episode of The Office where Ryan sets Creed up a blank word document and tells him it’s a blog.
Now what makes me qualified to talk about sports design? Very little! I do possess a Graphic Design degree (Visual Communication if you’re fancy) from the University of Texas at Arlington, I work as a Creative Director at a DFW printshop, and I also really like sports. If that doesn’t convince you, I currently have exactly one logo in public circulation, which you can find at the top of this website.
About Sports Design
So as an intro to DesignPants, let’s talk generally about sports design. In short, it blows. Sports are great, but they combine a lot of the very worst factors for good design work.
First, they are run by powerful, rich people or groups of people who have very strong, very terrible opinions and their entire livelihoods at stake. If you’ve got this great new Dallas Cowboys secondary logo, and then jersey sales drop by 1%, Jerry Jones will personally end your life. Second, sports franchises are massive, billion dollar corporations with crazy corporate infrastructures. Any significant design decision is run across desk after desk until someone inevitably says “but what if we added like a cool chrome effect to the whole thing, and can we just make the whole thing pop more?”. Finally, fans ruin every good design that can make its way through this insane process. Last year FSU released an updated Seminole head logo which was CLEARLY an improvement from ol’ bacon-face. There was immediate backlash from FSU fans everywhere. Commenters on the Facebook post announcing the change called the new logo “blasphemous”, “horrible”, and “distasteful”, rated it “the worst logo redesign ever!!!”, and wondered why “you don't care about your alumni or fans let alone boosters”. Several other colleges have relented and changed their logos back after paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for a rebrand. People care much more about a slight change in the secondary logo of a college they never went to than they do about social change or dying puppies.
This is the perfect petri dish for uninspired, generic, and overall sucky design. It’s always sad to see a quality design firm release a boring sports logo and imagine what could have been without all of the bureaucracy. It is also why many of the greatest designs in sports are created for minor league teams. When you take away the pressure of money and rabid fans, good designers can let their designs shine. There are certainly exceptions, which I will touch on in later blog posts, but my general outlook on sports design at the moment is trying my best to find the small bits of diamond amongst the manure.
Next Time on DesignPants
Well that’s all I’ve got so far. I’m just about done with the labor of love that is my first real article: a courageous and definitive ranking of NBA which should be dropping in the next few days.
Jesse is also on Twitter and Instagram, and sometimes he puts stuff on Behance
It’s 9:42 as I begin this little do-dah but I have been writing it in my head since news started leaking out that Deandre Jordan was having second thoughts around 11:00 or so this morning. Doc Rivers, according to Twitter, had stolen a page out of kick boxer Lloyd Dobler’s playbook and was outside of Jordan’s Houston home playing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” from an old late 80s boombox and after a power move like that of pure love and affection, Jordan had no choice but to relent and go back to LA. It’s now 9:53 CST and as I cry into my Jameson and ginger ale just as I cried into my $5 bottle of malbec before it and the Deep Ellum IPAs before it, I don’t know what to do or who to blame. But we’ve got to blame someone right?
Let’s go down the list. Suspect one: Deandre Jordan, if that’s even his real name. As news broke of the Mavs impending doom, information began leaking that Jordan had reached out to Clippers coach Doc Rivers saying that he had made a huge mistake committing to our beloved Dallas Mavericks through choked up Deandre Jordan sobs and tears. Very sad. Very touching. Very sickening. Then we saw that Jordan had also been keeping in touch with Blake Griffin and even the evil CP3 who had refused to high five him so often during the previous season. And then news broke that Clippers Team 6 was flying in to Houston to have one last sit down with the big man, but by then it was already church. We didn’t have to follow along on Twitter and see pictures of chairs up against doors to know that #DJtoBigD was already over before it even began. Having said all this, however, can we pin all our frustrations onto this guy? After all, his verbal commitment was just that, a verbal commitment. Yes, what he did was a very very shitty thing to do to a team, especially our team, but just because a shitty guy is on the stand in a murder trial doesn’t mean he’s the murderer. And so, as I my tears fall mingled down onto my bottle of Robitussin at 10:05, let’s explore another option before we get carried away.
Suspect two: The Los Angeles Clippers. These SOBs kept in contact with Jordan after he verbally committed to the Mavs July 3rd. They had their opportunity to woo him prior to his “decision,” failed to do so, and then said, “Oh crap. We’ve got nothing,” and then proceeded to chase after him anyways despite his public proclamation of impending Maverickdom. But most of the sources out there suggest that it was Deandre that reached out to them. What are these guys supposed to do? Not answer the phone that would make all their troubles go away? I don’t care how strong a believer in the almighty “unwritten rules” you are, that seems as though it would be naive. And so as I cry onto the glass of my crackpipe at 10:15, I still don’t know who to blame. Maybe it’s who is behind door number 3.
Suspect three: The NBA. Spoiler alert, this is who we’ll find guilty in our court of sports law. What’s the point of having a period of time where players can talk with teams and agree to terms but not actually finalize anything? In a league where big name free agents can hold teams chasing them hostage as it is, why do we need to let them have the ability to screw us further by not allowing contract signing until a week after committing, sometimes even more than that pending on how quickly players commit? If you don’t have this stupid system in place, Deandre doesn’t have time to call the Clippers late at night and ask if they’re still up and if they wanna talk. If this stupid system isn’t in place, the Clippers can’t break this holy “unwritten rule” because in its place would be an actual rule that can’t be broken. And if this stupid system isn’t in place, Deandre Jordan is a Maverick and we’re all happy and I’m not letting my SportsTears stream down my face onto my dirty heroin syringe at 10:33.
Yes, things have really gotten out of hand here at SportsPants HQ in just under an hour, but that’s what happens when you go from thinking your team is a contender to realizing that they won’t be and also probably won’t be bad enough to keep their draft pick either and that next year won’t matter if you have cap space because when the cap goes up everyone will. This has been a pretty dark day for DFW sports.
On the bright side, we probably aren’t having quite as bad a day as JPP. At least most of us reading this still have all our fingers and didn’t cost ourselves potentially millions of dollars for the sake of firework fun. Really not that bright a side in all honesty. I would let JPP have his finger back if Deandre didn’t royally screw us in such a fashion. Sorry, if the NBA didn’t have the system in place to allow Deandre to royally screw us in such a fashion. Thanks for reading. Sorry it’s all so sad. Glad I didn’t write about how happy I was on the 3rd though. I’d hate to look silly to the 6 people that read this. See you next week-ish.
Sometimes lots of sportsy things happen and a single pair of SportsPants just can’t address all of them in the way that you, the four readers of this blog, deserve. So today we’ll just do a SportsPants grab bag of sorts that we’ll call Sports Continues to Happen and see how it goes.
Golf Sports
In golf news, Jordan Spieth won the U.S. Open by hitting his golf balls into their golf ball holes in less golf ball hits than everyone else. This brings DFW’s own golf superstar right to the cusp of taking that number one spot in the World Golf Rankings away from Rory and that would be pretty neat. To me, however, as awesome as Jordan winning was (and it was awesome), the especially intriguing storyline was all the hate that Chambers Bay received for being selected as the host of the tournament. First, let’s not blame Chamber’s Bay for existing. It probably didn’t even get to pick its own name, let alone what kind of course it would be. Second, I’m not sure that I want my major tournaments--in any sport mind you--to be “enjoyable” for the competitors. I want it to be a struggle. I want it to be difficult. And I want them to succeed in the face of adversity. And ideally, I want an enjoyable viewing experience. Personally, I feel like the 2015 U.S. Open at Chambers Bay gave me all of those things. But what do I know? Answer: little to very little so take my thoughts with a grain or two of salt.
Women’s Sports
We’re apparently in the thick of the WNBA season and whatever softball’s league is called and the Women’s World Cup, and I bet you readers need my update on who to look out for this season, what any of their names are, and who is leading the league in set shots. I regret to inform you, however, that I have really dropped the ball here and have not watched any of it in any capacity. But I have been officially drawn offside by some Ticket personalities talking about them and lucky for me, I have this outlet to vent. There is no women’s sport that is comparable in skill level to its men’s counterpart. And why does there need to be? Who is watching the WNBA because they want to pretend they’re watching the NBA? Or watching Brazil in the Women’s World Cup pretending Marta is Neymar? That would be silly. If we want to watch those sports to be entertained that’s great. We don’t, however, have to put ourselves through this, “Which sport is closest to the male counterpart?” garbage. And for the record, it’s not soccer. And I’m looking at you my sports-leader @NotJackKemp. And yes, I know damn well you’re not reading this but I hope you feel my displeasure in a deep cosmic sort of way. If anything it’s softball/baseball. I’m pretty sure there would be a learning curve for MLB batters picking up a rising fastball from that distance, but I digress. The argument is stupid and a segment filler for a slow summer sports day.
Arsenal Talk
*Official Soccer Talk Warning* So if this isn’t your cup of tea, see you next post.
So we are not even to the actual summer transfer window, and I’m already insane. I’ve read reports that suggest all of the following is in the works and will happen before the window closes: Wilshere will be gone. Ospina will be gone. Vidal will be in. Jackson Martinez will be in. And Petr Cech too. So will Benzema, Higuain, and every other player that exists. So depending on who you’re reading, Arsenal is going to either sell all of their players or buy everyone else’s and my poor GoonerPants can’t handle all the stress it’s causing. But let me say here publicly in front of you and PantsJesus and and RealJesus, if Arsenal can hold onto Wilshere (and I really don’t think he’s going anywhere), and manage to snag Martinez and Vidal, then I really think we’re in business next year. I think Martinez is the real deal. I think he all but put Porto on his back last year and is a genuine top striker. And I think Vidal (if he isn’t wrapping his other Ferraris around Chilean trees after Copa America finishes) will add that grit that Arsenal hasn’t had for quite some time. I’m pretty sure that he’s the kinda guy who would cut you so bad that he’d make you wish he hadn’t cut you so bad, not to mention he’s just a badass. Capable of scoring goals, making the big tackle in the center of the park, and everything else you need out of complimentary central midfielder to the teeny tiny wonder triplets of Santi, Wilshere, and Özil.
Well that’s all for this time. Thanks for reading or browsing through or whatever, I appreciate whatever you’re willing to throw my way. My personal blog designer extraordinaire Jesse MacKenzie (@Jessemac3992 on twitter) claimed to have worked really hard on setting up this disqus comment thing so say some words to me if not for me for him so he feels good about himself, but you guys and gals probably don’t even have the guts to.
The NBA needs a rule change, and it doesn’t involve the much-maligned intentional foul/“Hack-a-Whoever” issue that got everyone’s panties in a wad. You don’t change rules that encourage bad behavior. The players that can’t shoot free throws are slowing down the game, not the guys fouling them, but I digress. The rule-change that the NBA needs to deal with will be referred to as the “James Harden Rule.” This isn’t some new concept as you know by any means. In all professional sports, moments arise when a league sees something that they don’t have an answer for or never thought would be an issue and then acts accordingly.
Sometimes its a Martin Brodeur thing where a player is doing something that is slowing down the game unnecessarily or unreasonably and the league responds by saying, “Hey Marty, now you and all the other goalies can’t skate the puck to the corner, you have to play the puck behind your net.” Sometimes a Roy Williams comes along at the same time a lot of NFL teams go to turf fields and the pulling a guy down from his shirt collar that he has done all his football life is suddenly tearing dudes’ ACLs and the league responds by saying, “Hey Roy, buddy, you can’t horse collar tackle guys anymore, it’s too dangerous.”
And sometimes, a dude sees the way the game is being played and called, and then takes advantage of it. We call these people--for the sake of this article--James Hardens. Behind that stupid beard, Harden is--I painfully admit--a great talent. Fast. Quick-release. Fast. Good 3-pt %. Fast. I mean, he was just about as much the MVP of the league this year as Steph Curry was. You could maybe even argue that he did more with less. Not sure if you trade Steph for Harden straight up, Houston finishes 2nd, but I’m not sure Golden State finishes 1st either. Either way, James Harden is a bonafide badass. OKC really screwed that one up. That being said, his actions on the court make me insane.
In the good ole’ days (Pre-Harden), when a player was defended well, he could try and dribble around the defender, pass the ball, or try and shoot over him. What he couldn't do was ignore the defender, dribble through him, and throw up a shot. This seemed like common logic, and we thought that was just the way the game was played. Harden saw that it didn’t technically have to be. Defender jumping straight up to block a shot? Doesn’t matter. If you drive to the basket with enough force, initiate contact with the opponent knowing you are going to get knocked down, and throw the ball towards the basket, you’re going to get a foul called your way. Every time.
It.
is.
maddening.
We, the fans and the media, complain about how the game is moving too slow because of intentional fouls. How insane is it then that we just let this slide past us like it’s no big deal? These free throws stop the clock just like an intentional foul. They slow the game down just like an intentional foul, but because Harden looks--and I’ll admit is--working really hard, we can’t be upset about it. It’s crazy. I get that a successful NBA these days is a high-scoring NBA, but I also know that the last few teams to take home the Larry O’Brien trophy were very solid defensively, and we’re basically saying, “Who cares? If you can dribble fast and take the punishment, you can have the free throws.” We’re punishing good defense, and praising what equates to cheating, albeit a rather painful form of it. But sense it apparently isn’t cheating, and is just a part of the wonderful game that is basketball, the league, in my opinion, needs to come in and do something about it. Because it’s stupid.
This all of course is not to say that players shouldn’t try and bait defenders into fouling them in the act of shooting. If you catch a guy jumping forward off a ball fake, by all means, take the contact and the free throws. But if a defender jumps straight up, and you jump into him to initiate contact, go away. No one likes you.
I’d now like to take a second to address the question that I know has been on all four of you readers’ minds: Why is SportsPants on Tumblr now? The long answer is that Tumblr lets me doing several things for free that WordPress wants compensation for. I’m not sure if you guys are aware of this or not, but I don’t actually get paid for writing shitty articles about Sports things. Big surprise, I know. The short answer is Jesse MacKenzie told me to. He’s also the reason this site looks cooler than the last one. So that’s cool. So this week’s post was brought to you in part by Jesse MacKenzie Design Co., where if he feels like doing it, and either the money is right or the idea is good enough, he’ll help you out. But that money is preferable.
That’s all I got guys. Thanks again for reading. Hope you’re getting better at it.
The Arsenal is Good, The FIFA is Bad, and The Chelsea is Ugly
I warned you at the end of my last post that soccer talk was coming. And here it is. Little did I–or anyone except the US Justice Department–know then, however, that FIFA was going to command a good deal of everyone’s newsfeed between then and now. But now you’re here and I’m here and we’re gonna do soccer together. So let’s get a two-man wall together, cover up our nether regions, and hope we don’t take this one to the face.
Numero Tres – The Arsenal is Good, The FIFA is Bad, and The Chelsea is Ugly
Before I dive into some Arsenal end-of-season thoughts and what not–which is what I had intended to do–it seems silly to not open up this whole FIFA thing a bit.
To begin, I think we all need to come back down to earth somewhat. Just because FIFA is under all sorts of fire and Sepp Blatter is resigning, I think for anyone to expect an overhaul of one of the most corrupt organizations in our history would be naive. Is it good that this is happening? Of course. But FIFA is a worldwide organization bigger than the UN. And all the countries that feed into FIFA, no matter how small they are, get the same number of votes as their bigger counterparts. I don’t know if any of you watch Last Week Tonight, but they did a wonderful job laying out how difficult the taking on and enacting change within FIFA really is. To me, the biggest obstacle is this: the smallest country receives the same money that the biggest does. That means that countries like San Marino, with its population of a whopping 32,000, receive the same payout as the US, England, Germany, and you get the idea.
In addition to the financials, the FIFA government is flawed in a way that is difficult to correct. Imagine the US Senate and House of Representatives. FIFA’s governing body is like the Senate, meaning every country that feeds into it has the same voting power. This voting equality sounds good in theory, and perhaps in some sort of utopia, it would be. Unfortunately, however, it doesn’t really serve the soccer world’s best interests because the power that these small countries can wield together is the power that keeps bribe-taking, arrogant sons of bitches like Sepp Blatter running the show. This is why I have my doubts that any lasting good is really on its way. My depressing and deflating prediction is that another Sepp will step in and keep the corrupt FIFA status quo. This is because as long as small countries keep greasing those money wheels, why would FIFA change a thing? They’re the most profitable non-profit ever. What a racket.
Despite my thoughts on this, what is happening is good. What the US Justice Department is doing is good. We should always try and reduce the bad in the world, even if we can’t completely eradicate it. I get that if you want to kill it, you’ve got to cut the head off the snake, but sometimes if you can’t reach the head, it’s better to take what you can than nothing at all. Besides, maybe I’m wrong and this movement is exactly what FIFA needed to get its shit together and become the governing body that the world’s favorite–and greatest, just deal with it *insert any other sport* fans–sport deserves.
Transition to Arsenal
Oh Arsenal. I just don’t know what to think anymore. Obviously I’m thrilled that we won the FA Cup for the second year running and that we qualified for the Champions League again, but isn’t this kinda just more of the same? I love Arsenal, truly I do. But years of dashed Premier League title hopes have left me a little bit jaded and hollow inside. I just don’t think I can really increase my excitement level any more until that happens. Was this year a step in the right direction? I think so, but I have thought that for a few years too so it doesn’t look like we’re taking particularly large steps. And I also think that for at least a few years now, Arsenal has had the talent necessary to win that elusive title, but lacked the consistency to make it happen. In these more recent seasons especially we’ve seen some stretches of seemingly flawless soccer, only to be interrupted by some god-ugly ones. And maybe in the past, the cause may have been a personnel problem (e.g. lack of talent or injury), but that isn’t the case anymore. In fact this summer, we’re actually in a position where, if we want to add talent, we’re going to have to let some go. There’s too many players on this roster that think and are starting caliber players to add others. So it’s a coaching issue then? Piers Morgan, professional blowhard and perhaps Arsenal’s biggest fan, would say, “Yes, Wenger out.” I’m a maybe. These days I lean more towards the idea that this is just what we are: capable of trophies and brilliant soccer in spurts and incapable of the trophy we want and consistent brilliant soccer to win it. What can I say, I’m a cynic.
Transition to Chelsea
F those guys. They’re the worst.
Well, I suppose this concludes our nut kick soccer post. I’ll try and keep them relatively few and far between, but they’re gonna happen. And you guys are just gonna have to deal with it. My blog. My passions. My posts. Don’t want soccer? Start a new blog and copy and paste all of my non-soccer posts into it. Still having fun with this. Hope the four of you that read it are enjoying it as well. See you next time.
Athletes That Do Bad Things Should Never Be Able To Play Sports Again
Let me begin this entry with a few key points.
Domestic abuse is bad.
Drug abuse is bad.
Both of the above things are without question bad and I do not condone them.
These 3 things are important for you to know up front because today’s excuse for a sports op-ed piece is
Post Two – Athletes That Do Bad Things Should Never Be Able To Play Sports Again
The metroplex has been kind enough to offer 3 of the worst people ever to play sports for their local teams. The Cowboys signed two of them. The Rangers one. One of them is probably an actual bad human being. One of them I actually really dislike. And one of them really doesn’t deserve to be looped in with the other two but is on account of maybe not being too bright, a trait shared amongst the three. You will know these men as Greg Hardy, the much maligned domestic abuser and newly acquired defensive-end for the Dallas Cowboys (he’s the one that probably is in fact a bad person), Josh Hamilton, the unlikeable Ranger left-fielder and drug abuser who likes to hide behind I Am Secondcampaigns when he’s not raw-dogging waitresses at Sherlock’s or refusing to apologize for stupid comments made about the city he plays in or not hitting home runs or catching fly balls (he’s the one I don’t like much), and Randy Gregory, the Dallas Cowboys’s other newly acquired defensive end who seems to really and I mean really enjoy smoking pot (he’s the one that probably doesn’t belong here). No doubt you are familiar with all three of these not quite so upstanding gentlemen and no doubt you have at least some sort of opinion on them as people and how them playing for the team you cheer for makes you feel.
From what I can tell, there are three main categories fans fall under in regards to these three guys: the group of people who believe these individuals and others like them should never be able to play sports again, the group that’s like, “Sure, they can play, I just don’t want them playing for my team,” and lastly the group–which I subscribe to–that thinks the other two groups are somewhere between kind of and really obnoxious for having such opinions and don’t really care whether these guys play or not or who they play for.
Once again, I don’t condone domestic or drug abuse, I think they are both very bad things that no one should do, but I find it really silly of the people who suggest that the Cowboys should not have taken a first round talent late in the second round because the guy has flaws. Those flaws are the reason he’s available for you to take in the second round. And if you’re a Norm P1, you’ll know that his crazy claim was that he wouldn’t have drafted him in any round and that he knew lots of other NFL guys and teams that had completely taken Gregory off of their board. To this I say, such an opinion is stupey and dumb and needs to go away. There is always a point where the juice is worth the squeeze and I think the Cowboys got Gregory right in that sweet spot. Gregory is also, I think pretty clearly, the least guilty of wrong doing between our 3 examples. Yes, he has a history of failed drug tests throughout his Nebraska career and one prior to the combine, but from all accounts he’s also a pretty bright, kind-hearted, and good-natured individual. That’s something that isn’t quite so prevalent in the resumés of Josh or Greg.
For the Josh case, I have trouble thinking of a more maddening individual. There are times when I have even hated him. I think he’s really dumb. I think he’s way more naive that any person in his position and at his age ought to be. And I think he is a truly troubled individual. And even with all that, the Rangers without question made the right call in bringing him back. He should absolutely still be playing baseball and if he’s gonna play baseball, why not for the Rangers for basically nothing. The Junes (if you got the Norm reference you’ll get this one) said that he doesn’t care if Josh makes a comeback or not, he just doesn’t want him doing it here. And I get that, but I think the extremely subjective juice squeezing exercise applies here as well. And I think it passes.
Finally, let’s look at Greg Hardy. You won’t catch me suggesting to anyone that I would like him to be doing any of the cliché examples we like to throw out there. No, if I had kids, I would not want him watching them. No, I wouldn’t be too keen on the idea of him and my wife shopping together (that’s not a cliché example, I just made that weird one up). But you know what, I wouldn’t really want any stranger watching my kids or shopping with my wife. That would be really odd I think. So with Greg, I concede the people who believe he should be out of the league altogether and certainly shouldn’t be playing for the Cowboys may have some ground to stand on. But, despite quite a large amount of evidence against him, he wasn’t found guilty in a court of law and he has been punished by the league for his actions. So the Cowboys, in my opinion, had every right to go out and sign him and should totally keep him on the roster because when it’s all said and done, when he’s getting to the quarterback on a regular basis come Week 12 or Week Whatever, no one is gonna care. We’re all gonna be jumping out of our seats, high-fiving, and fist pumping like champions. And since he’s been signed, everything we’ve seen and heard from him and about him points to exactly what we already think about him. He’s not a super human-being, he’s really weird, he’s kinda dumb, and he’s an absolute badass on the field.
Before I call it quits on another rambling excuse for sportsy-writing, I’d like to tackle one other point that the people in the get them out of the league camp sit in. The whole “I don’t want my kids looking up them” concept is idiocy. Good parents will make sure their children know that being good at football or baseball or soccer or whatever doesn’t make you a good person, and the kids that don’t know anything about a guy other than he beats the hell out of the other teams QB on a regular basis aren’t going to be worse off for cheering for him. That argument is silly.
At the end of the day, I’d also like to say that I wish nothing but the best for these 3 guys, even Josh. I hope they learn from their mistakes and come away better and stronger because of them.
Well, this has been fun guys and gals. This all might have been more pertinent if written a bit sooner, but I didn’t start doing this shenanigan until like a week ago so just deal with it. Thanks for reading if you did. If you didn’t, I’m not surprised, typical you. I think I’m gonna go all soccer on you with the next post, so you 3 or 4 readers, brace yourself for that nut kick.
Hey all. So this is a little something we’re going to try. Some things will get written and then those things will be read and then we’ll go from there. The idea is for this to be a predominantly sports-oriented space, but it won’t be sports exclusively because I don’t have enough opinions for that and this thing would be even more obnoxious than it no doubt already seems to you. Now that’s out of the way, without absolutely any more ado, let’s jump into
Post One – Baseball Kinda Sucks: The Grind.
According to the statistics that I just made up, it is customary in writing outlets such as this for me, the author, to alienate what few readers I may have as quickly as possible. Given that knowledge, I must begin saying that America’s pastime, known to the layman as baseball, is such. a. beating. I’m sorry. I wish it weren’t the case, but it is. It’s all that we have going on in the summer making the best season of the year the worst part of the entire sports calendar. This is not to say that baseball does not have merits–because it certainly does–but they are not enough to overcome the mountain of meh that it drags along with it.
And yes, this author gets that the NBA and NHL playoffs are ongoing, but it’s almost June, and so they’re all but done. The Conference finals might as well be anyways. I’ll save you the trouble of watching. Cavs will come from the East and Warriors from the West in the NBA and two hockey teams will play each other in the Stanley Cup finals. Woohoo.
As a show of good faith and of at least some level-headed deliberation, I’ll first give credit where credit is due. Baseball does have history on its side, and there is something romantic about that. It is also not quite so inclined to the rule-changing and adapting to “the times” as the NFLs of this world are and instead stays true to its heritage and there is something very respectable about that kind of stubborness. Of the major American sports, it also does the very best in ensuring that the best team in any given year wins that year’s championship. This is so we don’t have to worry so much about some mediocre New York Giants team winning the Superbowl despite underwhelming the world at every turn prior to the playoffs. There’s a fair amount of injustice in such events, and baseball does the best job of eliminating it.
Baseball does this through what we refer to as “the grind.” The grind exists in all sports. It is that point where the sport is much less the game the athletes participating love to play and much more the 8-6 job that middle-management Mike works doing data-entry or the even shittier hours job that your brother-in-law Fred works in quality control down at the warehouse you drive by everyday that even driving by makes you uneasy. It isn’t fun. It’s not a pleasant experience, and when it happens, it’s usually not too fun to watch. The grind applies to player and fan alike, and all sports endure the grind at one time and on some level or another, but the grind found in the 162-game major league baseball season is the grind of grinds. And it is why I can’t take it.
It is unfortunate that what makes baseball great is what makes it terrible and that what makes it terrible is so great that it just swallows the greatness whole. Sure ESPN can give you last night’s top 10 and baseball is suddenly super kick-ass with diving catches and cleared dug-outs and home runs into rivers behind stadiums, but those moments aren’t baseball. Those moments are just moments, individual parts of a whole that look great in ten second increments, but are hardly ever enough to make the rest of the at least 2 and 1/2 hour endeavor worth watching. Sad, but in this arrogant writer’s opinion, pretty clearly true. I’m sorry.
On a local level, I’d like to point out that in my experience, good teams and bad teams don’t affect the grind of watching baseball. Watching baseball affects the grind of watching baseball. So if you want to be a happy casual fan like me (even in this season of baseballball blah), don’t torture yourself into watching every single Rangers game. It isn’t worth it. Even when they’re good, it isn’t worth it.
Watching 2-3 hours of baseball 5 nights a week can and will suck the life-force right out of you, and that’s just the way it is. It will unfortunately remain that way into perpetuity, even when Gallo gets called up next season and is hitting the cover off the ball every night and Yu is C Younging his way through every lineup and Joshy is crushing it at both the Ballpark and Sherlock’s and the Dutch Oven fixes his cranial rectal inversion (gets head out of own ass). Just kidding Derek, much love for you and all your bits. More you, and less Steve Busby.
That’s all I got for this maiden SportsPants voyage, sorry if it was incoherent, uninteresting, or whatever it was that left you wanting more. Better luck next time I guess. We’ll get better as we go along. Me with writing, and maybe even you with reading.
