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@spriteinabluecan
Grow in skill first, then flow will come.
With her
With her, I saw life in three dimensions. With her fears surfacing, she found hope. With her tears of acceptance, I knew unconditional love. With her moments of weakness, she became the healer. With her honesty, I found a mirror. With her reservations, she laughed among the flowers With her eyes, I became true. With her parents afoot, she took up arms. With her evasive confusion, I stood my ground With her growth, she put life on a shelf With her distance, we lost.
A new era.
This is the day I go from a wanderer to a settler. Instead of the new horizon, I pursue the sweat of building a new structure. Can I find the same happiness in commitment, responsibility, and risk, as I did while living on the open road? On horseback, danger came from mysteries and bandits, but now I must build a castle among dragons. If I log in will I lose my identity? What will happen when ideology meets reality? YOLO. Bring it on…
Wisdom, stature, favor, then BLITZ!
"And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man." Before Jesus invoked any change socially, culturally, or religiously , he spend 30 years doing this verse. That is strategy and discipline, to wait until you have established yourself on a platform... that took three decades to make! Jesus did not speak until he was strategically established in the physical world... then the blitz came and 2000 years later, his movement still continues. This single verse may hold the key to my future.
Pursuit of Character
Over the past seven months, I’ve seen myself mature into more of a man. Growing up has made me realize, the life I will build, and all my dreams, mean nothing without character. I’m seeing that I run the risk of my gifting can take me places that my character may not be able to keep me. Only impeccable character and honor will be able to keep me where I see my life taking me. The kind of character that is pursued… thus I pursue.
cliff jumping, a poem
Two fears I kill today Stepping off this ledge: I behead my fear of height And I drown my fear of depth.
And now I take the jump, Dropping down to freezing tides. And as soon as I am covered I realize the demons lied:
Fear was never in my blood But only in my mind.
Who knew one jump could be So violent and so cruel To the reasonable voices Always saying, what a fool?
I say them, watch me now, I…
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Simply mesmerizing.
Sometimes it feel like things would be simpler if I would allow my imperfections to be justified by my circumstances... but when you have a gospel so complete, it is only justified to live a life that transcends worldly circumstances.
Umm… but what if you are the kind of person that is naturally a “box popper”? What if the intimate things about you, very much has the potential to pop other’s boxes… how do you engage in deep, meaningful friendships or relationships? Hmm…
Pop the box, lose a friend
Oh those times when you share something so freeing, so encouraging, so edifying with someone, and you know what you are saying is exactly what they need to hear because their face has lit up, they are tracking, they are seeing something in a new way, the dots are connecting, they are being challenged... but then the next time you see them, they have thrown away all that was newly discovered, with no tangible reason, and revert to old ways of thinking that are comfortable and safe, and they decide you are weird or dangerous because you where able able to make them look outside of their box for just a second, and they never want to leave their familiar box again.
This world is our playground, my playground… so I’ve started writing :)
What I'm learning... living, for someone else's benefit, is a grand purpose :) The idea of dying to self, makes life so much easier. You don't have self to please. Most of my life that phrase has been define as, "not doing what you want to do, but instead do the better thing". Suppression is not freedom. When I first started this job I'm doing, getting 16+ hours a day, 6 or 7 days a week, it was hard to say the least. I thought the problem with my happiness was the work... but revelation soon came. I began to realize the reason it was hard to do the things I needed to do each day was because there was other things I wanted to do more. It's the "what you could be doing" that makes the "what you actually are doing" so hard. I started to discover that if take control of my mind, void my expectations, choose to not have needs, then I do not have to wrestle with desires. There is a difference between wrestling with your desires, and just letting them die. When I started getting antsy, I would just tell myself "You are dead, you do not need anything right now". I would choose to truly believe what I was saying, then I would look at the lock screen of my phone and see my family, and I would be consumed with a purpose bigger than me. "Me" didn't even matter... "Me" didn't even exists because of them! This is become a life perspective. I'm starting to see in more of my life, that it gets easier the more I just die. It's like dumping a nagging girlfriend... you don't have to please them anymore. Thankfulness floods ones heart when nothing else looks more appetizing :) I'm glad I'm learning so early in life that I do not have to wrestle my desires. I have been set free from the desires that I picked up from this world. I am not a slave... I'm free to not have to try and please self :) I just sent my first check to my parents. 3/4 of all I'm making is for someone else... and you can not convince me that there is anything this world has to offer that would bring more joy than what I'm experiencing in this season! So many secrets to life and joy are bing dumped on me... and I could not ask for a better life. I am making 3 times more I've ever made in my life... and yet have less in my pocket than ever before :) True joy is one death away my friends... one death away :)
Sometimes I miss the simpler life I could of had, with the woman who would have made it worth it. My life dreams grow and my passion deepens, but sometimes the loneliness surfaces. I'm glad I've learned to treasure these sobering moments :)
I live Little Britches
I’ve learned that the real maturing of man comes when he takes responsibility of others… when he provides for another, for a family.
Coming up on a month I’ve been working 96 hours a week. Right now, I’m living minimally, and I’m giving most of my income to my family. My parents have selflessly served others as missionaries my whole life. They have provided for our large family, and have taken all the financial responsibility of many of my siblings financial emergencies. As wise as they are with finances, things happen that can not be foreseen.
In my mission to see Love provide through my taking responsibility of my gift of ability Love has given me, I’ve realized I can be the vessel of provision for my family. It should take about 10 months of 96 hours a week to set the financial record straight.
I’m maturing in ways I’ve never imagined. My favorite book as a kid was “Little Britches” and now I’m finally living it’s story in my own context. The tangle feeling of a purposeful mission is electrifying… yet the work toll does come with it’s weight. Putting dreams and desire aside for another is hard, but what greater love is there?
My dreams ever grow, and my time will come, but for now my time is for the sake of my family. Never would I have guessed that one of the most crucial aspect of maturing that was evading me was found in seeking financial provision for others.
There are many people around me who work hard for the money… but the money seems so pointless when it goes to personal material wealth and accumulation. I can not imagine working for something so trivial as accumulation. I could set myself up for a material bountiful life… but I simply find too much joy in just a few boxes and bags, and giving everything else away! This is an upside down world when Gospel is discovered. When life is lived for self… it sure looks so meaningless. Love showed us love because dying to self is what gives purpose and joy. At least that is what I’m finding amidst this season of eat, sleep, and work.
The more I see the world, the more in love I am with true purpose, true gospel :) For the disciples of harmony, selflessness, humility, and those whose identity transcend this tangible chaos, this world is our playground for love :)
Christians are wrong on Noah
If you want to watch AND ENJOY the movie Noah, you must do some homework. I just watched it tonight and loved it!! This is because I had an advantage over the average Christian... I've read the Book of Enoch before. BoE (Book of Enoch) talks about how man turned violent, not only against other men, but also against creation. Man was exploiting and destroying nature as part of their sinful rebellion. The most fantasy aspect of the movie was the Watchers... and even that plays very closely to BoE. It was awesome to see those characters creatively come alive in the movie!! The evil Watchers are responsible for much of man's destructive knowledge, so I liked how they tied in the good Watchers to being a part of Noah's story. There are so many other things, but I won't go into them now. But wait... why give BoE any time of day? It's not in the Bible, so isn't it heresy? Well, BoE is actually quoted in our own Bible! Jude 14-15 gives a direct quote of BoE 2:1, and there are arguments that other authors of our Bible used quotes from BoE. BoE actually plays a part in our Church history too. Our earliest church fathers like, Justin Martyr, Irenaeus, Origin and Clement of Alexandria all used parts of this book in their writings and theology. Tertullian even called it "Holy Scripture". Regardless of if BoE is considered "inspired", it still plays a part in our history. Maybe think of it as an ancient commentary written well before Christ. Parts of it are even considered to have be written around the same time as the book of Daniel in 300 BC. From my reading of it, I do not find it offensive or dangerous. It part of our history, and I enjoyed it. With all that being said, I'm glad they used BoE in the Noah movie. The movie kept all the original themes and message of the Bible... with the added flavor of the BoE (which I would say, doesn't hurt the Biblical account... it just gives some interesting extra details). I think making a Noah movie without the BoE would have made for a very boring and short movie. Between the Bible and the BoE, I would say the movie could arguably be considered 70% in accordance to both of the ancient texts... granted we do not get hung up on insignificant details. I did not read any of the spoiler reviews, that most Christians seem so influenced by before I watched it, and I was completely and amazing surprised to see all the references to another part of our Church history. I wasn't expecting a "divinely inspired" film (as it seems many Christians where hoping for), I was expecting a creative depiction of some ancient writings from the "world's" perspective... and I was very happy with the outcome. I would say most Christians are wrong about Noah (the movie)... because they are ignorant of the source material. I'm very disappointed at the judgemental, critical, and just plane arrogance I've seen rise up from Christians from the release of this movie. Half of the movie is based on one of our very own ancient writings that most do not even know exists. I think if we came at things from an educated and graceful stance, we could enjoy this movie. May we be slow to judge and quick to learn, so that we do not present ourselves as fools to a world that we want to share wisdom with. They made a movie using our ancient writing, without butchering the themes and keeping the message on target... we should not stick our noses up to them, but be graceful. Unless Christians want to put 130 million towards a film, I say we should be grateful. If you see people posting reviews about the film that are ignorant of the actual source material (meaning BoE) please pass on this information. Disinformation should have no place in the Body of Christ. The movie really did not “twist” too much... it just added story from another of our ancient writings. With this information, most of Christian's critiques do not hold. I'd say go see the movie, hopefully enjoy the depiction of our ancient writings, and even use it to introduce others to the Bible. It's a book worth sharing, so let us use every means possible to spread it's message :)
I just watched the movie "Her". I didn't know anything about it prior, I had just heard it was a great indie film. I feel like it was... unapologetically open.
Being one who has never actually been in a serious relationship before... for reasons I won't share now... I really can only theorize about true intimacy. Something has been communicated to me through this film... not sure what exactly... but I must seek out the truth and allow it to materialize.
We minister though manna...
I have big dreams... I was about to set sail on an adventure that was going to take me around the world. This season was to be about experience new cultures, new people, new spirituality, a new chapter in my journey. Everything remains the same... except for the boat. In preparing for a journey to send me around the world, I found it was to prepare me for a journey to the other side of the country.
I have mentioned before, one aspect of this season was to be about discovering Love's provision in a new way. My parents are missionaries, so I grew up in a culture that sees Love provide all the time through others. I've grown up primarily seeing Love provide through sources outside of yourself. Kinda like how Israel relied on God's provision in the desert, via manna. If Israel walked in faith, the manna would fall. That is how missions is set up today. The mainstream mission's worldview is if we are faithful, Love will provide resources from outside of us to keep us going. It has worked for generations, just like it worked for Israel, but the manna season was temporary.
After a short season of manna, Israel was commissioned the sow and reap economic system. Love promised provision through blessed reaping if they faithfully sowed. They had to not only sow tangiblely, but also spiritually. Both the spiritual sowing and tangible sowing where one thing in Love's eyes... they where connected. If Israel wanted to eat, they had to plant their seeds, nourish the growth, keep in line with the laws of nature and their land, and a bountiful harvest was promised.
I'm afraid that the mainstream Christian missions model, is one that is built off manna. There is nothing wrong with manna, but was man designed to receive, or to cultivate. Love told our father and mother to take dominion, be fruitful, and subdue the land, while multiplying our image. I'm starting to be impressed more and more, that a missions model is possible that is sustainable through a sow and reap concept. What that looks like, I don't know, but the resources it reaps are from the resources has tangible sown.
This season in life is to discover Love's provision through sowing and reaping. I'm in the north west right now, and am getting a job that will cause me to do some serious sowing. I'll be working 80+ weeks, for a season. Love's made it clear that His provision to me, is that I've been giving a capable body, a good mind, and a clear worldview. I have big dreams, and it's going to take much resources for the training and execution. I'm learning that the ABILITY we have to sow shows Love's provision a thousand times more than manna falling from the sky. The manna came enough for that day every time it fell... but by sowing into a field, we can have a harvest 100 fold! I want to discover a mission's model that expands on it's own harvest, by depending on Love's promise to provide :)
My dreams keep expanding while yet getting more clear. This world is the playground for the Son's of God, so I'm ready to grab the monkey bars with my hands, and swing across as my Father has shown me. Won't He be so proud :D