ambrosius

"But fate, as Merlin always taught us, is inexorable. Life is a jest of the Gods, Merlin liked to claim, and there is no justice." — The Winter King

[prkchaeyoung]

©

[spxjinhee]

don’t be too late ,

[spxjinhee]

it’s when he slips into bed where her act trembles and she grows weak. an inevitable smile crosses her lips, telling she had never fell into sleep since he had come home. “damn, the jig is up,” she mumbles, slowly opening her eyes to a sight that tugs at her chest. he looks a little worn, but still as magnificent as she had last remembered him. always remembered him. lithe fingers raise to meet his cheek, thumb gently tracing underneath his eye. “obviously haven’t gotten more sleep since i left. miss me too much, merlin?” a wider grin marks her features, and despite the facade, both of them knew of the underlying truth. a glaring one at that; one that had pained her more than she’d ever like to admit. 

her eyes catch a glimpse of the remnants of bruises and gashes that had previously sheathed her arms, and she doesn’t stop to think before tucking her hands back away underneath the covers. “take off your suit,” she says with a mischievous grin, quilt framing her face in the cutest way she can muster. “kingsman looks good on you, but you look better as kyungsoo.”

[spxmerlin-blog]

For short moments that feel like forever, he remains silent, eyes tracing every line of her face, every curve of her body, comparing the photo in his mind to the woman that lies before him, matching every detail to the one he’d imprinted in his brain before she’d left. His hand raises on instinct, wraps around her petite hand on his face, fingers curling around hers, gently pulling them way from his cheek and to his mouth where his lips greet the skin on the back of her hand with a chaste and soft kiss. The moment is soft, tender, nearly perfect, but Kyungsoo is not a Kingsman by mistake---he’s observant, notes the way she shies away, furrows his eyebrows but says nothing. It’s not the time.

Instead, he bathes in the sound of her voice, finally clear and crisp, no longer warbled by long distance calls and voice messages, a direct connection from her lips to his ear. He smiles, genuine, soft, but it’s no sooner there than it is gone, replaced by a devilish smirk to match her grin.

“Aren’t we moving a little too fast, Jinhee?” he asks, a lilt in his voice that’s teasing and seductive as he sits up, takes off his tie, undoes the top three buttons of his shirt, movements seeming to fill with purpose with how slowly he does it. “Satisfied? Or were you expecting a little more?”

He grins down at her, lays his head back down on the pillow, gazes at her as if it’s the last he’ll ever see of her again. His hand raises once more, reaching out to rest his palm against her cheek, thumb caressing along her cheekbones. “You asked me if I missed you too much,” he says, expression suddenly turning somber, grin fading into a neutral line. He gazes deep into her eyes, his own two open windows into a soul he’d once left so guarded, now open for her to see. There’s a pause, in his actions, in his words, and then, he leans in, lips hovering above hers just a fraction of an inch. “ I did. I missed you much more than I ever imagined I would.”

And with that, he closes his eyes and the gap between their lips.

[espionkrp]

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT MEME

Greetings, Espion! We thought it was about time for another meme! This time the focus is on character development! Send a number to your fellow members and answer some questions you receive about your muse you may not have thought about before! Reblog this post to let people know you’re keen to do this, and remember to send as many numbers as you receive; don’t leave people out! Prompt ideas credited to apeacebone.

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[spxjinhee]

don’t be too late ,

among the bruises and cuts she had taken to her body, none were quite like the wound that had a mind. pain would’ve been the first word to associate. albeit, inflicted by no one, a vacant pain, she’d say. she’d thought, during every second she had to spare. yearning was like that by nature. and, unsurprisingly, as the physical grazes had mostly healed over, this one did not.

but this helped. nose kissing the pillow, breathing in her first dose. (she had missed too many.) she falls under the surface of sleep not long after, and dreams lift her up again until she wakes. lithe fingers curl in his bedsheets greedily, where only his absence lies. but just as the thought comes to its stop, the click of the door sounds, and then it opens. although her muscles tighten by excitement, pulling to defy her mind, she exhibits enough control to relax herself back, feigning sleep until he’ll inevitably find her.

[spxmerlin-blog]

It’s all routine: he throws his keys on the counter, his weekly stack of mail beside it as he closes the door behind him, shoes off at the door, buttons of his coat coming undone as he slides it off his shoulders toward the bedroom. But routine stops there, as do his footsteps, as there’s a subtle change to his home that he cannot place, a distinct fragrance, a change in space. His senses are on alert but he cannot justify it so he proceeds forward, though at a slower pace than he’s used to. In seconds, his fingers are curled around the doorknob and he’s carefully entering.

The first thing he notices is the scent grown stronger, his nose picking up changes faster than his eyes can spot the mass in his bed. Trained to be on offensive first, his heartbeat quickens, but his senses quickly put pieces together before he can act on his rush of adrenaline: the brunette hair cascading on pillows, the long and familiar legs, the face that had been emblazoned on the back of his eyelids, a vivid vision every time he closed his eyes. His quickened heartbeat becomes irregular as he approaches, eyes never leaving her sleeping form.

Without hesitation, he slips into bed with her, tries his best not to move the mattress too much so as not to disturb her, and slips an arm around her petite waist, a feeling all too familiar and foreign all the same. It’s been too long, and because of that, he cannot wait.

“Jinhee,” he says softly so as to coerce her from her dreams and into reality with him. His voice is a deep tenor against her ear, his whispers dancing across her skin as his hand caresses her side. “Welcome home.”

[spxmerlin-blog]

another year closer to death;

[dedvct-deactivated20200105]

( ... )

“So.” He started with a chuckle. “mind if ask..?” he knew it was a question that could lead to the other’s ambiguity to surface. As far as he was concerned, Kyungsoo was not exactly straightforward in the matters of his emotions. Actions spoke louder than words, however the older male was too inquisitive for his own sanity. Jonghyun wasn’t simple minded. He couldn’t grasp being preferred or pleasant as the only motive. It wasn’t like he was fishing compliments, not really. He just liked hearing, knowing, understanding what delved a bit underneath better. Despite knowing him, Jonghyun still felt every now and then like he was talking to a stranger. “..How you’ve been anyways?” He took back his curiosity, yielding in case it was necessary. “Any presents?”

[spxmerlin-blog]

He’d just taken his phone out and read the brief preview of the message as it popped up when he saw Jonghyun walking toward him and so left the message unread, slipping the electronic device into the breast pocket of his coat. His hand wrapped around the glass that had been newly placed down in front of him, picking it up and swirling its amber contents as he forwent the regular greetings, replacing it with a generous sip of liquor as he listened to Jonghyun question him, as it always went. By now, he’d learned to be used to it, to even enjoy extended conversation with his fellow agent. It was the least he could do in respect for the other male’s relentless effort in trying to open up and befriend him.

His eyebrows raised over the glass, remaining so as he placed it down on the counter, dark eyes scanning the other male’s face. The question itself was ambiguous, and if Kyungsoo was anything about his personal life, it was ambiguous, and he wasn’t quite drunk enough yet to clarify. So he grasped at the second question first, mouth opening to speak as he once again swirled the contents of his glass.

“The same,” he answered simply, mostly honestly. Nothing had quite changed save for the absence of a certain someone, but that absence made everything else seem different. He scoffed at the idea of gifts, would have possibly rejected them if anyone had tried, and left his answer as that, a vague sound in his throat and a subtle roll of his eyes. He did, however, choose to expand on his first answer, eyes leaving his companion’s face to instead focus on his own reflection on the surface of his whiskey. “Some agents were recently sent off on prolonged overseas missions. HQ seems a little quieter these days.”

He picked up his glass again to sip at his drink, stopping himself from saying more and revealing too much before he could not comprehend regret. He’d spoken as if he relished in the quietude, and for the most part, he did, considering a select few were some of the louder and more boisterous agents, but the one person he hadn’t wanted to go made the disturbance more prominent, so much so that he actually missed it.

“Another scotch,” he spoke again to the bartender. “Neat.”

[spxmerlin-blog]

in loving memory;

[lgcjinseo]

( ... )

Lilies were always his father’s favorite flower. “I like how they can mean a lot of things,” he had explained to Sungyeol one rainy afternoon. Right now, the bouquet in Sungyeol’s arms meant “his father’s soul has received restored innocence after death.” How fitting, given that his father was an agent who must have done unspeakable things in order to save the world… 

By the time his father died, Sungyeol could have sworn he knew his father best, yet learning that he was actually a Kingsman has him wondering if he knew his father at all and what other secrets the man had kept from his family.

[spxmerlin-blog]

The passage of time escaped him for the moments he remained crouched by the grave, mind a blank canvas save for the memories that would not cease. Had he known then what he knew now about the man’s role in his life, he would have shown his appreciation more (even if Kyungsoo was sure the man knew anyway, with all his wisdom and understanding). The fallen had taught Kyungsoo more about his life and himself than most anyone else, and even now, a year since his passing, those who could get passed his walls were few and far between because, despite what the man had taught him, Kyungsoo still had a ways to go.

He stood slowly, stretching his limbs as he went, eyes never leaving the grave, the single red rose still resting upon the slab of concrete. He shoved his hands into his pocket and turned to leave, but was instead greeted with a vaguely familiar face, though recognizable enough that Kyungsoo knew who he was. In his arms was a bouquet of lilies and on his face, remorse. All hints led to the obvious---this was the son Lee had always spoken about and Kyungsoo could only grow jealous toward. While Kyungsoo had been searching for a father figure all his life, this boy had the one man Kyungsoo respected enough as his blood-related father.

With respect for the boy’s loss, Kyungsoo bowed, stepping aside to allow Sungyeol the chance to visit his father’s grave and, for whatever reason, Kyungsoo decided to remain as well, watching the taller boy carefully, though for what reason, he could not say. And even though words were usually never wasted, he opened his mouth, spoke finally to Lee Sungyeol, with whom he’d never really had a proper interaction except at his recruitment while addressing the other potential recruits.

“He was a good man,” he spoke, his voice a dark, somber timbre. “You should be proud.”

[fydokyungsoo]

Visit Original Link

[spxmerlin-blog]

in loving memory;

@leesungyeolspx

It was cold. It was cold and it was wet and his breaths kept escaping him in airy wisps of white, as if he was breathing out his soul every time he exhaled. The cemetery was empty; there wasn’t a single soul around except for those of the dead, and perhaps his own, though he often wondered if he’d lost it a long time ago. Dewdrops cling to the bottom hem of his trousers, cling onto the leather of his Oxfords, sealing in the cold, making him feel as frozen as the the grave before him, name etched into stone as if meant to seal his place in history, only to have the cracks of neglect climb up to distort the epithet.

An unspoken hero, it read, as if to mock the life he’d lead.

As Kingsmen, they’re told to never seek glory, to always be humble---a gentleman’s name should only appear in the newspaper three times in his life: when he’s born, when he gets married, and when he dies. Kyungsoo had long since accepted that life, had never had any problems with living just underneath the arbitrary radar, but it’s times like this, quiet times of reflection, of missing a presence, that he wondered why some of them could not. Surely, the sacrifices this man had made for his country warranted at least some sort of medal, a grand ceremony to celebrate all that he’d given up.

Instead, he’d been given a small ceremony in comparison, and Kyungsoo, only able to watch fro a distance.

With a long exhale, he crouched down, gloved hand sweeping away the dust that had gathered over the stone, and placed a single red rose in its wake: respect, love, courage, the perfect representation of the man who had filled the space Kyungsoo had yearned for so long. Two years ago on that day, Kyungsoo lost the father figure he never had.

[spxmerlin-blog]

another year closer to death;

@spxjonghyun

It was a room clouded with smoke, the smell of alcohol prominent on the mouths of those nearby, evidence of indulgence evident in the slurring of words and ideas that didn’t quite connect. It was the type of setting Kyungsoo usually avoided, if not for the suffocation of being surrounded by people he didn’t know, then for the sheer amount of stupidity he was forced to listen to while sitting at the bar---just a few moments ago, he’d overheard a man well into his fourties talking about buying one of the newest sports cars out on the market. Talk about mid-life crisis.

The incessant buzzing of idle chatter was already starting to grate on his nerves, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to take it Jonghyun didn’t show up soon, so he pulled his cell phone out of his picket (how anyone got his phone number, he never really knew, since he wasn’t prone to giving it out), and opened up their recent message thread. Birthdays were a strange thing.

( SMS: Jonghyun ) If you don’t show up, I’m leaving in five, and you’ll still owe me some drinks.

With an exaggerated sigh, Kyungsoo waved down the bartender, lazily flicking his wrist, mouthing his order---another scotch, neat, the finest in the house, an aged Windsor XR. He wasn’t exactly sure what to expect out of the night, but if he could enjoy the aroma of a few good glasses of whiskey on someone else’s tab, well, that was enough of a win for him.

(Besides, he welcomed the distraction.)

[dedvct-deactivated20200105]

( SMS: kyungsoo ) i wouldn’t ! 

( SMS: kyungsoo ) yes, yes~ i’ll take my punishment then. all on me.

( SMS: kyungsoo ) i know the place. Meet you there…?

[spxmerlin-blog]

( SMS: Jonghyun ) Yeah, I’ll be there.

( SMS: Jonghyun ) If I regret this I’m putting you on stakeout duty for a month.

[dedvct-deactivated20200105]

( sms: kyungsoo ) do you know the term, ‘tsundere’?

( sms: kyungsoo ) you’ll find your picture next to it. :–)

( sms: kyungsoo ) the obvious aside, when and where do you want to meet?

( sms: kyungsoo ) i have your word now, you can’t back out.

[spxmerlin-blog]

( SMS: Jonghyun ) Yes, I know the term. Don’t you dare compare me to that.

( SMS: Jonghyun ) You compared me to it. I suppose that means the tab is on you, then?

( SMS: Jonghyun ) Well, seems you’ve backed me into a corner then. You know the place about a block off from the tailor shop? That quiet bar on the corner?

[spxmerlin-blog]

@leesungyeolspx

[ text > Unknown Number ] I’m not revealing who I am until I find out who you are~ I just humored a friend and texted this number, so… I guess it’s not your birthday?

( SMS: 82-xx-xxxx-xxxx ) Well I’m not going to give my name nor my birth date to a random stranger who claims to be pranking me.

( SMS: 82-xx-xxxx-xxxx ) You and your friend can both delete this number. 

[spxmerlin-blog]

[ voice msg ] .. hi merlin. it’s me. (/ a long silence follows as fast as her lead in, but only a quiet, apologetic laugh comes ) sorry, i thought i’d know what to say (/ too much at once ) um, i hope you’re well, (/ ‘without me’ are the words she omits – even in jest, they’d hurt her as much as it’d hurt him, maybe ) and i hope you’re treating the others well too. (/ a huff, a purse and restraining press of the lips is evident by how her breath cuts short ) happy birthday, kyungsoo – i know it’s late, i’m sorry. (/ why was this suddenly so hard? another silence asks ) i wish i was with you on yours, like you were with me on mine. (/ several seconds pass allow for the confessions to fall from her shoulders ) and although you might not think it, or you may have even forgotten your birthday… it’s important. to me it is, even if you think it isn’t. (/ heated breaths collect into a long sigh ) sorry, i’m sorry i’m not there. (/ a choked noise ) i miss you. stay well… and don’t reply to this 'cus this is weird for me. [ click ]

It’s hard. It’s always been hard. It’s always been hard for him to admit that there’s ways to get around the thick concrete walls he puts up, that behind them lies a heart that still beats, and it’s always been hard to allow people to stay there once they’ve infiltrated. But Kim Jinhee is another case entirely. She did not infiltrate---she came in, guns blazing, destroying his walls rather than bypassing them, planting herself in the cracks of his heart and allowing herself to grow. 

So it’s hard. It’s hard knowing she’s been sent far off with a return date that’s uncertain, and it’s hard not knowing if she’ll even return at all. It’s hard being apart from her, and it’s hard hearing her sound like this when she’s always been so headstrong.

The hardest part, though, is that he still can’t find ways to express all this, that he still can’t get past the point of appearing weak in the face of the only one who could make him this way.

So he does as she asks. He listens to the message one more time, her voice still in perfect tune with the notes he has memorized, and he saves it.

Then he places his phone down, returns to his work, robotic; stone cold.

And he doesn’t respond.

( She should know anyway, how important she is to his very being. )

[spxbaekhyun]

[ txt → koongsoo ] There’s only so much I can get off a digital screen. Let me ask you again in person then

[spxmerlin-blog]

( SMS: Baekhyun ) Do you even know where I live? --- erased !

( SMS: Baekhyun ) That wasn’t an invitation.

[spxmerlin-blog]

[ text > UNKNOWN NUMBER ] Someone told me to text this number and wish you a happy birthday. If it's true, then I hope you celebrated it properly. If not, please consider this a prank. Have a good day, sir/madam

( SMS: 82-xx-xxx-xxxx ) Who is this? Please don’t “prank” me again.

[spxmerlin-blog]

@spxjonghyun

[ txt: } ah, always the alcohol with you. do you ever learn?

[ txt: ] or am I that unpleasant that you like to be drunk around me most of the time.

[ txt: ] stop breaking my heart do kyungsoo :-(

( SMS: Jonghyun ) I’ve learned; I just don’t care.

( SMS: Jonghyun ) Being drunk makes it tolerable that I actually trust someone enough to never tell my secrets. Do with that information what you will.

[spxbaekhyun]

[ txt → koongsoo ] I did ask for the truth so I appreciate it. (￣▽￣)ノ

[ txt ] Though I must ask (again answer truthfully) is the door shutting because of the cake or because of me

[spxmerlin-blog]

( SMS: Baekhyun ) Aren’t you supposed to be the observant one?

( SMS: Baekhyun ) If I told you straight out, it wouldn’t be fun. Figure it out.