squishmallowman

31M, straight. Fat starving artist.

[squishmallowman]

I'm just a big teddy bear tbh.

I like meeting people and talking. I'll probably message you without following you and liking your posts for several years first, sorry!

I post some kink stuff but I don't believe in forcing my interests onto other people. I also don't believe in being a creep in general. Please message back if you like my personality, this is a safe space.

I feel boring not using any emojis, so here are some good ones 🫀🦠🍜🗿🦖🧼🪤

Love for both princesses and goth girls 🩷🖤

Age in bio (please do the same on yours). Spotify says I'm 77 years old.

MDNI (when I first saw this I thought it meant "men do not interact" lol). Honestly prefer if you're over 21.

[squishmallowman]

At least if things get really bad, I can always sign up for Le Cordon Bleu cooking school. They probably still have those, right? The TV ads seemed super legit.

[squishmallowman]

I'm trying to read your tea leaves, but the boba balls keep getting in the way

[squishmallowman]

I really think Hannah Montana should've had a rival named Stephanie Utah

[squishmallowman]

Is it too much to ask for a princess to sit on my lap while I stroke her hair and she tells me about her day?

[squishmallowman]

My hobby? Correcting people's spelling and grammar on porn comments.

[sergle]

the threshold has been crossed, it is now springtime!!

[squishmallowman]

Can we make 2026 the year we ban authors from using the word nonplussed? It doesn't sound like what it is, and it's never once been used in real life.

[squishmallowman]

Why have they never made double-stuffed Ritz Bits? Give me more of that weird dry cheese.

[squishmallowman]

The thing I miss most about classic rock are the songs with really dumb lyrics. Like Led Zeppelin, who I love, have a song called The Lemon Song about a girl squeezing his "lemon" til the "juice" runs down his leg.

[squishmallowman]

I made a Carl's Jr. Diablo burger at home. It wasn't perfect, but it was really good!

[dailycatsblog]

[squishmallowman]

Making macaroni and cheese for yourself but using penis-shaped noodles just because

[squishmallowman]

PC culture is getting so out of control. I heard someone refer to their dog as "husky." Just say fat, good lord 🙄

[squishmallowman]

Great Super Bowl, finished my book and watered my plants. There was some football too I guess.

[squishmallowman]

Major red flag if you like guys with mustaches and no it's not because I can't grow a good one you're just a bad person

[squishmallowman]

Dude really was such a brave little toaster