gladiolus

if they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.

[ohsehunpai]

sehun x monster #happysehunday

[srxsehun-blog]

✗; dead or alive

[srxsehun-blog]

srxchen‌:

srxjoohyun‌:

( ... )

          “ should we go get something to eat? ” because knowing her brother, he’s either forgotten to or tried to get a meal only for it to be ruined by someone else. he’s always had such rotten luck. most of all, she thinks it best for them not to stay in such direct and plain sight. part of her wonders if she should’ve warned him sooner, if sehun even remembers that her older brother died in shinhwa not too long before his parents, but maybe that makes it more logical for him to think chen wouldn’t join. it’s his duty as the new oldest son and she has no say in any of it either. “ maybe an ice cream instead of getting soaked to cool down, ” joohyun says pointedly to her brother, still glaring at his horrendous hairstyle. 

( ... )

He stared at her, as she glared at him with disdain. He held her gaze for probably thirty seconds longer than was comfortable for anyone.  “I suppose.” he said, he kicked his heels into Sehun’s leg as he would for any horse or chocobo. “Let’s go then.” pointing into the direction of the ice cream stand. 

the mention of food is a blessing, both in the fact that he is actually pretty hungry right now, and it serves as an excuse to get out of the sun and out of sight. the mission has been derailed, and it’s his own fault, but could he really be blamed when his best friend he hadn’t seen in years suddenly shows up in front of him as if the hands of fate themselves had pushed them together? even with the situation fully realized, sehun can’t bring himself to regret approaching chen at that moment, though he recognizes it would have been better to go about it another way.

a frown appears on his lips he peels chen off of him, practically shoves him just to get the other male off him for the stunt he’s trying to pull in treating sehun as if he’s an animal to be ridden and ordered around. it’s once the other boy is on the ground that sehun gets a really good look at him, and the atrocious hairstyle he’s sporting. before he can stop himself, his brows furrow and and he groans, “i know i left a long time ago, but i didn’t realize i left in the 80′s.” he quickly purses his lips to keep anything else from slipping out.

“anyway, let’s go,” he says, seeking for a distraction so that his words don’t sink in. he throws an arm around each sibling and drags them along toward the ice cream stand, taking special care to glance at joohyun to make sure she’s okay. “ice cream’s my treat.”

[srxsehun-blog]

✗; an orbit around the sun

[srxsehun-blog]

srxjoohyun‌:

          she nearly huffs, because they’re both aware that even as she mumbles “ you should be ” that he’ll keep unwrapping the gift with a wider grin, undoubtedly amused by her weak protest. when he seems to go silent, staring at the photo frame, she wonders if she overstepped, if she was the one to cross a line this time   —   if she is bringing back memories he doesn’t want considering everything of his childhood home is gone now. she and chen couldn’t salvage anything, not without facing the wrath of their father who visibly disapproved of what they were told was betrayal of shinhwa. 

          the way he sounds makes her hesitate more and she almost apologizes when he thanks her instead. just like moments ago, she means to tell him that he’s welcome but her effort falls short, words cut off, everything coming to a halt because of one gesture. his arms wrap around her and she can’t even pretend it doesn’t feel like home, that it doesn’t feel right. 

          above that, she can’t explain why hearing him say that it’s perfect almost makes her cry. because she did something right, because she didn’t hurt him, because for once she’s allowing herself to show him how much she does care for him. maybe it’s because this is what she used to want, or maybe ultimately it’s because she knows she can’t.  because he’ll always deserve better than her.   

          eyes closed, she wraps her arms around him too, allowing just this one moment when she knows better. her “ you’re welcome ” is muffled against his chest and she pulls away, looking up at him with a smile before pulling away first, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “ you should head back now, miss siyeon probably wants to see you before midnight too, ” and she doesn’t let it slip that she was there not too long ago, that she asked ace not to send her out today so she could help prepare a cake for him, that she asked his adoptive parents not to say a thing. 

it’s a moment that feels like it takes place in an alternate universe, one where nothing is holding him down, nothing is holding him back, nothing is keeping him from going where he wants to go, seeing what he wants to be, being with who he wants to be. it’s a world that’s too good to be true, and although he knows that, he can’t help but squeeze her tighter, just once, just to solidify the memory in his mind before she, inevitably, pulls away, bringing him back to an empty reality.

“yeah,” is all he can muster at the moment, one hand falling limply to his side, the other scratching at an imaginary itch behind his head as it drops down so that he can look at the frame in his hand once more, anywhere else but in her eyes because he knows in his own are the truths she shouldn’t see, truths she’d never let behind the walls she’d built up between them. he smiles to himself before placing the frame back in its box so he can carry them both back home easier, safely.

it should end here. it really should. they should go their separate ways; she should go wherever she goes, he should go home and see miss siyeon and voss. but he can’t let it go, won’t let it end here. it’s his birthday, he tells himself, he’s allowed to be selfish for once, for these next twenty-four hours, even when he’d almost forgotten about it in the first place. so he remains rooted, refuses to step back over the line back into tortured territory, just for the day. only for today.

“you know, miss siyeon says she hasn’t seen you in a while,” he says casually, and it isn’t a lie. she’s mentioned joohyun, how she’s been doing, if she’s okay. he glances up at her, trying to read her, trying to see if he should follow through, but as usual, she’s unreadable. “every year, she makes some amazing egg bread, but she always makes too much...” maybe he’s being too forward, maybe he’s being unseemly, but he can’t take it back now. “you should try some.”

[srxjoohyun]

✦ .   —   kingdom come

[srxsehun-blog]

srxjoohyun‌:

          “ wouldn’t really know, ” she muses, albeit a little regretfully a few seconds later. it’s not as if he chose to leave, it’s not as if her or chen could’ve done anything to protect him had he stayed. for all they know, their father would’ve given him up the same way he didn’t seem to mourn his eldest son. his biggest annoyance with the situation seemed to be relying on chen as the next heir instead so she’s glad sehun ran away and found such kind people to take him in. 

          the way they look after him is admirable and she’s almost jealous of the affection, affection she only really knew from wonshik and sehun when she was younger. chen was more so … the annoying brother and they liked it that way, bickering, bothering the other   —   she felt more free then. now her shoulders feel heavy no matter what she does. being in avalanche is the least she can do; joining ace’s team for her brother is the least she can do. 

          but the way he talks so casually to her, tells her not to worry, leaves a bitter aftertaste on her tongue. that’s right. it must be easy for him, must happen often if the amount of admirers he has is any indication of it. there must be other girls she’ll never know about, never have the courage to ask about. she wonders if younger her would’ve cared as long as she got to be with him. no, the truth is, younger her would’ve loved sehun properly and who she is now feels too hesitant to let anyone in. “ same to you then. ” even if she knows he won’t stop and that bothers her too. she used to swear he only saw her as a younger sister in the past and the more likely it seems it’ll go back to that between them, the more emotional she gets. “ at least it’s not a far delivery. ” or so it wasn’t meant to be. 

he chuckles once, quietly, more of an exhalation than anything else, a bitter reaction to the reminder that he’s given, that he’d had to run and leave everything behind without a word, without anything else but the clothes and backpack with which he’d left home. if he’d had a choice, he’d have said his goodbyes, would have, at the very least, said goodbye to chen, to her, to the ones who occupied his mind every single day since he’d left.

but he didn’t have that choice. he had to run, or who knows what would have happened to him, to anyone else. life just works out that way sometimes; sacrifices have to be made in order to protect the greater good and maybe, just maybe, he’ll get the chance to make up for things he didn’t before. if only he hadn’t fucked it up all over again.

he can hear it her voice now, how she replies to him with such a sharp undertone that he can’t help but frown. he contemplates for a moment replying back with the same rancor, but his shoulders soon fall with defeat because this is what she wants, is it not? the distance between them to grow larger, the wall to grow higher, supplying the brick and mortar himself. “you know i can’t do that,” he replies, more to make noise than anything else, though there’s a part of him that wants her to know, even beyond the lines, he’s still going to look out for her, no matter what. “did ace tell you it wasn’t far?” he asks, changing directions as quickly as she did, looking out into the distance. “we might have to stop for the night somewhere along the way.”

[denouae]

titanium.

[srxsehun-blog]

srxsol‌:

we met our wounds in each other’s bodies, featuring @srxsehun.

something about the outer districts is always off regardless of his acting as his role in this cusp of the empire, or as a commoner hiding under the hood of his cloaked presence. there’s an inexplicable atmosphere that spits him out, maybe because he doesn’t belong in this region. still, the ennui that encloses him for the night caused him to travel to the peripheries, believing that a change of environment would be best to cure the curse of boredom. it’s been a while since he had a rest, a private moment that allows him to relax his mind for a moment. and as much as there’s the disturbance coming from the sense of alienation from his surrounding, he decides to push through. decides to ride his motorcycle around the outskirt of the area, believing it might be a cure to the itch.

he tries his best to evade the thoughts that relate to the tasks he’s been given. there are oddities here and there, of course, with rumors circulating amidst the mass. he isn’t here to indulge that, preferring having his personal life separate from his rank as a hive member. as lee hansol, he likes it silent, but even in the middle of the night like this, several echoes can still be heard. he doesn’t pay attention much to that, or at least tries not to — it’s difficult to ignore his surroundings when he’s been trained otherwise all his life. in the middle of his attempt, however, he notices a familiar face flitting by. he doesn’t budge for a while, still seated on his parked motorbike, perusing the man that just passed by.

it takes him a few seconds to ensure himself that it was indeed the boy that was robbed from his teenage. it was probably due to circumstances; he doesn’t know, he doesn’t really know. all those years spent on surmising can be resolved now, he believes. and so, he eventually leaves his station, following the man that’s grown much taller than the last time hansol encountered him. he doesn’t call the man, but catches up fast enough in wide, trained strides, to tap the man’s shoulder. he cannot afford having that childhood friend of his runs from him again, so he calls out in a silent voice, ❛ sehun? ❜

concepts such as free time have become more and more foreign the longer he stays with avalanche. it’s not as if ace has him working around the clock, but no matter what he’s doing these days---lounging around, doing small missions, preparing for bigger ones, helping out around the house---the goals of avalanche are always there, at the back of his mind, like a leech that refuses to let go.

it starts to take a toll.

he grows more and more tired with each passing day, feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. there’s so much that people don’t know that they need to know, so much corruption, so much hidden behind veils of goodwill, constructed by conglomerates who hold all the resources. and how can he not think about it, when his parents died trying to unveil it, when, living in district eight, he sees the consequences of it, out of sight and out of mind of those who can afford to live in districts better taken care of, better protected. so as much as he wants to stop, take a five minute breather, he can’t. there’s no way his pride, his compassion, his need to avenge his parents’ death will let him, not when his past won’t let go, not when it follows him around in the most unexpected of ways, even now.

the voice is vaguely familiar, reaching deep in the recesses of his mind. brows furrow in both confusion and mild recognition as he turns in the direction of the tap on his shoulder, cautious only because he’s been so ever since making a run for it all those years ago. the face that greets him only throws him into more confusion, but as the seconds tick by, time seems to slip into a backward stream until a youthful face he does recognize appears, molding into the one that stands before him now. disbelief overcomes him, then an overwhelming sense of regret for not having had the chance to say goodbye. “h-hansol...?”

[ohsehuns]

Sehun for Madame Figaro 2019

[srxsehun-blog]

✗; dead or alive

[srxsehun-blog]

srxchen‌:

With the crowd of people and the laughter and happiness that surrounded him, he kind of wished that he brought tripod with him. But he would have probably barreled past people before his tripped over his own three feet and fell while he attempted get a doll out of a crying child’s hand. He was at the game booths, overlooking the crows of people, trying to keep an eye out for anything weird. He probably should have been more observant though.  He felt the cold hit him first, which was a relief in the hot sun, before he realized that he was now wet from the water gun that had some how missed the target. Though now that he thinks about it, there was no way that they missed on accident because the target would have been in the opposite direction of where he was standing. It was probably some punk kid that thought pranks were funny. He sighed looking at his now soaked shirt, wondering if he should just leave and change or if it would just dry fast on this sunny day.  His feet suddenly was not on the ground any and the vice grip of some kind of octopus or giant squid constricted his breathing. “it’s really you!…why is your shirt wet?” The voice said, oh it was a person not an octopus.   Looking at the man that had him in a vice grip, it took him a while to recognized the chocolate colored hair and the mans brown seeing face spheres. He nearly screamed when he recognized the man as he hugged the man back in a koala grip keeping his feet off the ground. He then noticed the person that was just a bit away from his sehun.  “oh my sister is here too.” 

laughter peals from his lips as it seems chen refuses to hit the ground, and he wraps his arms around the older male like a mother carries her baby, attempting to keep all of chen’s waist on his hips as he holds the other male up with an arm around his waist. it’s simple enough to maintain with chen’s vice-like grip on him. it’s been years since he’s last seen him, and it feels like nothing has been lost at all, as if he were immune to the sands of time, and it makes the reunion that much more joyous.

but perhaps he’s the only one to feel that way. the iciness between the siblings is ice cold, at least in comparison to how his own reunion had gone, and he has no idea why or what might have happened between them between now and the time he’d run away from his home district and never looked back. he can think of nothing else to do now but cough audibly, a loosely curled fist rising up to cover his mouth as he clears his throat and he attempts to put chen on the ground despite the hold the other male has got on him.

“so...it’s been years, huh?” he says, attempting to break the tension. “i bet you weren’t expecting to see us here...” his voice trails off, suddenly remembering why he’s there and what he’s actually meant to be doing instead of trying to reconnect with his old friend. he and joohyun have both got work to do, and it’s the reminder that has sehun realizing exactly when chen is wearing. the soldier uniform had always been unmistakeable.

“how long...?” he begins to ask but stops himself, not wanting to draw attention to the fact, since it might bring chen to remember that he, too, is working. instead, he diverts his question, putting on airs. “have you been out in the sun that you need to be refreshed by getting all soaked?”

[srxsehun-blog]

✗; an orbit around the sun

[srxsehun-blog]

srxjoohyun‌:

          the more she hears it, the softer the blow is, right? right, and yet she knows it still lulls her into silence, that saying something would only reveal her weaknesses. no, instead she has to pretend that seeing him smile doesn’t make her want to as well, that her practiced stoic expression crumbles more easily around him than anyone else here. but this one time, on this occasion, is okay, isn’t it? if not for his birthday, then when? 

          rosy lips curl naturally into a warm smile of their own and she realizes just how much she wishes she could do that around him more often   —   be more honest, that is, because it’s not just about smiling around him. it’s about truthfulness and the lack of it when he asks her anything related to her feelings towards him. the way she goes back and forth is impossible, she knows, but she doesn’t know how to stop herself either. drawn to him, she can’t pull away from his gravity. 

          “ you’re wel   — ” immediately flustered, her eyes widen and she could almost reach out to stop him, almost. red alarms go off in her mind because it means touching his hands, getting too close again, and she already did once this week. “ it’s not even midnight yet, ” she ends up mumbling, tucking her hair behind her ear and turning away a little, brows furrowing and lips curling into more of a pout now. 

          he’s never really been the patient type and now she’ll have to see his reaction when he sees the childish stickers she put along the edge, how it mimics the one they all had before, the one she gave him after her mother had the photo printed off. she’d had another gift prepared for him, one less personal, but for the first birthday after she’d been gone for so long … it didn’t feel appropriate, not after what she’d done, after what she’s possibly ruined between them without realizing he blames himself instead for crossing a line she didn’t want to exist in the first place. 

her reaction surprises him, catches him off guard so much that his entire body freezes, and so do his actions, head lifting just slightly to look at her, mouth open just a tad. it’s endearing, seeing her like this, almost flustered, her words nearly undecipherable in the way that she mumbles them. it’s when she acts like this that things are the most difficult, that he can’t help but fall deeper into the whole he’s dug during that year---probably a hole he’s been digging his whole life.

“am i supposed to?” he asks, a teasing lilt in his voice accompanying a soft smile on his lips. despite her protest, he continues on with what he was doing, redirecting his attention to the gift in his hands. he slowly unwraps it, taking out what’s inside.

it looks simple enough at first, but as he takes a closer look, he can see the finer details, the photo within the frame, the subtly decorated edges with her favorite chocobos. it all brings back a sense of nostalgia, of a time he feels like has faded away with the sands of time, but has come back with such a force, the wind is knocked out of him, leaving him breathless, wordless. for a moment, he remains there, still, reveling in all the familiar feelings he can no longer experience because the people, the places, everything is all gone, things he’s left behind.

“this is...” he struggles to find the words, finds himself choking up but refusing to let his emotions take him over the edge. he takes a deep breath to gather himself, another smile on his lips, almost bittersweet because it reminds him of a time he’ll never get back again. “it’s amazing. joo. thank you, i...” he pauses, words once again failing him, so instead, in a move that’s too familiar, he crosses a line, stepping over it to pull her into an embrace that reveals far too much. “it’s perfect.”

[srxjoohyun]

✦ .   —   kingdom come

[srxsehun-blog]

srxjoohyun‌:

          she could pretend the affectionate moniker doesn’t affect her   —   that it doesn’t bring back fond memories and moments she would’ve done differently now if she had the choice. it makes her think in a way she prefers not to, with regrets and doubt. the past is the past, that’s what she wants to follow, yet he always finds a way to make it a little harder for her each time. it’s such a small thing too, but the old her is begging to come back whenever it happens and joohyun hopes that part of her stays buried where she left it among the ashes of her father’s factory. 

          the usual answer used to be “ nothing much, tall fry ” and she was a sucker for the sound of his laughter every time but she doesn’t call him that now, doesn’t think it wise to anymore. she can’t exactly tell him the truth either, can’t tell him “ you ” when she closed the door on that herself.  her choice of silence is a blessing and a curse. a safe haven for her heart and yet its personal hell. 

          so she clears her throat, glances at the payload on his back, and returns his question with another instead. “ is it heavy? we could take turns. ” a moot suggestion, she knows, but she’d much rather deal with that than admit to anything else. 

she’s become good at that: avoidance. avoiding him, avoiding answering questions, even one as simple as what’s on her mind. it makes the distance between them seem even wider, and it fills him with regret, makes him wonder if they’d still be okay if he just hadn’t cornered her, hadn’t tried to make her face all these unanswered questions, if things would have never changed. but even that kind of situation would be torture, never knowing where the lines lie---maybe that would have been even worse.

but it’s too late to regret anything now; he has to live in the mess he’s made, in this hazy illusion, in this lie that he’s gotten over her, that it was just that easy to walk away, when in reality, it gets harder and harder every day---no, every minute---to keep his feelings contained. distractions are a godsend, so even if she’s avoiding questions, he’s glad to take it, head shaking at her question.

“nothing i can’t handle. i’ve trained for this kind of thing, remember?” he says, tone humorous to hide the lasting undertones. “don’t worry about me.” and he means it in more ways than one. he’s the one who had crossed the line, and so he’s the one that has to deal with the repercussions now. “i’ll be fine.”

[srxsehun-blog]

✗; dead or alive

@srxchen, @srxjoohyun

reconnaissance isn’t exactly the most glamorous of missions, especially under the glare of the hot sun, surrounded by tons of people with lots of noises coming from every which way, but it’s an important mission nonetheless, and must be taken seriously. even with that in mind, however, sehun finds it hard to concentrate, distracted by not only on all the sights and sounds and scents, but by the partner he’s chosen to go with, knowing he can depend on joohyun most of all, trusting her entirely with his life if anything went awry.

but it’s also because of her that he takes a little break from the mission, stopping in front of one of the game booths, enticed by the bright yellow of the chocobo stuffed toys lining the top, managing to win one after a few tries (damn their trickery!) and, with a triumphant grin, passes the giant prize onto her, momentarily forgetting all the complications that have formed between them.

the moment is quickly ended, though, when from the corner of his eye, he spots a piece of his past he hasn’t seen in years. the decade has aged him, but sehun is certain that the brown-haired soldier just down the way is joohyun’s older brother and his childhood best friend, and though he’s sure of it with every fiber of his being, the question forms on his lips, ultimately going unfinished. “joohyun, isn’t that...”

without waiting for a confirmation, he takes off in a run, nearly tackling the older male from behind in a great big bear hug that lifts the shorter off the ground. “it’s you, isn’t it?” he exclaims with joy. “it’s really you!” he pauses, confusion taking over him. “...why is your shirt wet?”

[srxsehun-blog]

*winks from across the room*

[srxsehun-blog]

✗; exchange

@srxkyungsoo

admittedly, it’s not often that voss and miss siyeon do spring cleaning. they’re fond of hoarding things, managing to find sentimental value in every little thing. even now, it takes a bit more than a few weeks of convincing, but sehun has finally managed to make them let go of things that were just taking up room in the house without a purpose, and all that’s left to do is find a way to get rid of it.

he makes the trip from district eight to district nine, box of old things in tow. he’s not exactly sure if heading to that pawn shop is the best idea, especially considering the type of dealings they make with the shop’s owner, but it’s the best thing he can think of to do with these things, especially considering the fact that some of them are vintage items that would probably have quite a bit of value--just nothing sentimental.

the train ride is short, and before long he finds himself stepping into the shop, planting the box on top of the front counter, peering over it at the familiar sight at the opposite side. “what can i get for all this?”

[srxsehun-blog]

✗; an orbit around the sun

@srxjoohyun:

      backdated   ⭯   apr. 11th 2019   —   after the short mission they’d taken on recently together, there was a part of joohyun that wondered why she still avoided him so strongly, as if denying it doesn’t only make her feelings fester up uncontrollably. there’s no way of telling and yet she’d believe it was her who reached out first, her who clung to him. no matter how many times she’s told herself that she’s killed the past her, it comes back to haunt her in bits and pieces, especially around him. his birthday is an event she can’t miss, least of all actually avoid and ignore him on. instead, she’s done the opposite and she fears her heart is on her sleeve because of it but it’s okay because jongdae is included in a way too. that makes it less intimate, right? what could she possibly do when her brother is involved? 

          the gift is wrapped plainly, the only indication that it’s really her giving it to him being the chocobo shaped stamp on the card, an obsession from childhood that carried on into adulthood. the frame is just as simple too, because the real gift is the picture of the three of them from years ago, all of them too young to know what their parents were up to in their occupations. sehun’s arms are around the both of them and joohyun’s smile is one she doesn’t show anymore. it feels like a lifetime ago but she wishes they could go back. she wishes it was that easy. 

          the message on the card is short and sweet, for lack of a better phrase: “ happy birthday sehun ” but the main point is that she gives him the gift herself, walking up to him near the late hours on thursday so he’ll have it at midnight   (   knocking on his door then seems like too much for her, doing too much, asking too much   ) 

it’s another late night and he doesn’t quite realize it until another member of avalanche mentions how his mother might start worrying soon—not that she’s his actual mother, but sehun doesn’t care to correct him, not when the other member hardly knows more about him than his name and where he goes home. so it’s with a wave of his hand that he acknowledges the message, knowing full well that miss siyeon would start blowing up his cell phone soon if he didn’t at least begin heading home for the evening or message her that he wouldn’t be going home.

he’s just about finished wrapping up all the things he’s started on during the day when he’s approached by joohyun, an event that shouldn’t be surprising at all, but with the way she’s been dancing around him, is actually quite warranted. the surprise is evident with the short rise of his brows, but it quickly disappears, settling back into its neutral state as he manages a warm smile, not because he’s still trying to act as if everything’s the same as it was before that night, but because he’s always just genuinely happy to be around her. it’s always been that way—when they were kids, when she showed up the first time, even when she showed up the second time, even when he should have been angry at her, even when he should have been hurt. 

but none of that matters now, does it?

it takes him a moment to notice the gift in her hands, and suddenly he remembers why he’s felt like he’s forgotten something all day. the fact that she’s the one to remind him is bittersweet, but he takes the gift from her anyway. “thanks, shortstack,” he says softly, shaking it as if it would reveal its contents to him. obviously, it doesn’t, so he goes with plan b: opening it right then and there. “what’s in it?”

[srxjoohyun]

✦ .   —   kingdom come

[srxsehun-blog]

srxjoohyun‌:

          a simple delivery hardly seems like a task for ace team members but joohyun could never say no to a mission   —   at least, she never would’ve until she realized who else they were sending with her. part of her is offended, because surely she could handle it on her own. she’d been on her own for the past few years and it feels like added insult to choose one of, if not, the strongest. stoic expression already settling in place, she doesn’t look at sehun for long when he arrives and when the package is set down in front of them, she understands more. while she could lift it for a small period of time, there’s no doubt that she’d fail to get it far past the doors of 7th heaven by herself. small in stature, she’s just as disadvantaged when it comes to physical strength. it’s speed and accuracy that have allowed her to survive til now, both being traits that won’t help her with this predicament, walking behind him and remembering the days she would chase after him and jongdae. 

          combing through her hair with lithe fingers, she clears her throat softly, wets her lips, yet nothing cures her dry throat. the rifle against her back feels heavier than normal too and she wonders if it’s the weight of everything unsaid catching up to her. whenever she looks at him lately, it’s all she can see and it makes her useless if she can’t focus in battle, a reason she considered not joining the team and yet she didn’t want to be that kind of person   —   someone who can’t concentrate because they’re too distracted by someone else. so she pushes those thoughts away, reminds herself that he was just jongdae’s friend, just her old neighbor. words like childhood crush and first love sound too foolish now. 

in a lot of ways, things are exactly the same. she’s still one of the people he can trust the most, still as easy to annoy, still just tall enough for him to place his arm on top of her head and use her as a pedestal of sorts. she’s still someone he’d grown up with, someone he missed when he’d ran, someone he’d been more than glad to find was still alive after all the years he’d been gone, worries quelled when she showed up at 7th heaven’s doorstep. but there also a lot of ways that things are different, far too different, because sidelong glances are stolen now, tension has become a force too heavy to bear, and yet, too prominent to acknowledge now, not when she’s made it obvious that he’s overstepped boundaries, boundaries he hadn’t seen, but when they’d been made apparent, he could only feel foolish for not having known before.

but none of these are things he can focus on, things he shouldn’t focus on. there are other important matters (though whether or not they’re more important, he doesn’t think he can ever tell), matters like the payload he carries on his back, things like making sure she’s safe, because even a simple delivery can turn into trouble with the line of work they’re in. so he has to keep pretending, acting as if everything’s the same, as if he hasn’t noticed that everything has changed. “you’re quiet today,” he says, more out of the need to quiet the deafening silence than an actual observation. “what’s on your mind, shortcake?”

[srxsehun-blog]

   ❝

                           if your Bravery is high, you would make a fine MONK !

                                                                                                                       ❞

                                      OH SEHUN, A V A L A N C H E, ACE’S TEAM

[srxsehun-blog]

*draws heart on window*

[srxsehun-blog]

@srxjoohyun:

       backdated   ⭯   feb. 14th 2019   —   she’d heard whispers throughout 7th heaven as the day drew closer and though she rolled her eyes each time, she still couldn’t help the tinge of jealousy in her eyes whenever his name came up. the memories of years ago still follow her and the year she’d stayed, she couldn’t help it. with the excuse that it was because she could no longer easily give the chocobo-shaped chocolates to her brother, she gives them to him and she feels on edge this year, wondering if he still expects it. how he’d smiled the last time, mentioned that it’d been years since they were children and yet it felt like tradition, feels so distant now. it was her who chose to leave, to escape her own feelings. then why is she still in the kitchen waiting for them to cool down? the small box is left only when she notices a sufficient amount pile up where girls expect him to be and she feels self-conscious joining them, only dropping it by casually when no one’s looking. before she can catch sight of him too, she leaves for the closest practice area   —   maybe that’s all she should’ve done in the first place. 

valentine’s day had never been important to him, always overshadowed by bigger things, more important matters. he’s only reminded of its existed when he returns to 7th heaven and finds a moderate pile of boxes addressed to him. he can never find it in himself to announce he doesn’t really like sweets because despite his outwardly gruff appearance and general aura of being unapproachable, he’d rather not hurt other people’s feelings if he can avoid it, boxes of chocolate tucked in kitchen shelves, left for voss and miss siyeon to eat. but when he goes through them, one by one, reading over each name so he remembers who to thank on the next fourteenth of the month, he stops midway, the chocobo-shaped chocolates bringing old memories to the forefront of his mind. they’re bittersweet, like dark chocolate, and he takes it out of the pile without rhyme or reason (but there’s always a reason) and brings it up with him to his bedroom, a faint, half smile on his lips. the motion confuses him, throws him off, but he can’t allow himself to make wild guesses anymore when, as far as he’s concerned, she’d made clear the boundaries she wishes to put between them. so, with a nostalgic sigh, he places the chocolates on his desk as he readies for bed, making a mental note to thank her for not forgetting about him and tradition the following day. after all, it’s only tradition, isn’t it?