I think you think too much of me

Martha // 21 // Edinburgh📍NW England

[thepumpkin-queenn]

[whatter]

[bled]

[ssmilingsweetheart]

Lockdown has been so toxic for my mental health it’s getting so bad again some days I really feel like I’m back to being 15/16 again like I recognise the way I’m feeling from then. Just feel so hopeless and keep pushing everyone away

[barelyexisthere]

me, reading depressing stuff and on the verge of tears: haha mood

[ssmilingsweetheart]

Overwhelming urge to hurt myself again lmao imagine still having urges after being clean for nearly 4 and a half years

[thepumpkin-queenn]

[ssmilingsweetheart]

World mental health day, no one rlly follows me and/or cares and majority of my texts posts are just me venting for my own sake but oh well!!! Today marks 4 years clean from self-harm (!!!!) for me which is still a big achievement for me even though it’s a lot easier now 4 years on! It also means I’ve now been clean for around the same length of time I actually self-harmed for which is, crazy???? Genuinely even 5 years ago I wouldn’t have believed a year on that I’d manage to stop let alone keep it up for 4 years. Didn’t even really think I’d be here lmao let alone ever reach this point of recovery? Not going to lie and pretend it’s easy when I still struggle frequently with my depression, eating/body image & body dysmorphia, isolating myself etc. and even just 2 weeks ago I had my first panic attack again in ages. But I know recovery from things isn’t linear and slip ups are normal, it’s not like my mh problems were just going to go away because I stopped hurting myself, I’ve just got better at dealing with things especially when they seem super overwhelming and I know I am in a far better place now than I was 4-5 years ago even if it doesn’t feel like it on some days. Anyway, no ones probs going to see this and this is more just for me but I’m still kinda proud of myself for achieving this even 4 years in😊

[jamesreads]

[yoshida-midoriko]

[ssmilingsweetheart]

Just had my first panic attack in literally years hahahaha, don’t even know the last time I had a panic attack it’s been ages and even the last few panic attacks I had were from claustrophobic situations not like when my mental health/anxiety has been bad. Don’t know why I’m getting so bad again🙃

[rayanne42]

[floralls]

Volksgarten, Vienna by ingwervanille

[makkleyn]

“Life is confusing, like one day you’re the happiest person alive and tomorrow you hate everyone and everything for no logical reason”

[ssmilingsweetheart]

Wish I didn’t have such an on off relationship with my body like one minute I start to feel semi ok with it the next my brain is like haha as if u started to feel ok about it you’re fat hardly eat for the next 3 days then just have one massive day where you consume everything🙃

[hopelesshoping]

Tonight Alive- Complexes (x)

[bey]

i wish i had a window seat with lots of pillows that i could sit in and drink tea and read books in and watch the rain in