Can you give us some of your opinions on tonks and her relationship with lupin?? I’d be interested to hear what you have to say 😊
OH. I have a lot to say. Too much, even, but I’ll try to make it understandable.
Basically, I see Tonks as the one suffering the most and Lupin as being very manipulative, to the point of abuse (Tonks not being his only victim). I can think of two main scenes that argue with that.
First, the scene at the Infirmary after Dumbledore’s death. Tonks has been depressed for a year to the point she lost her pink hair. She insists to Lupin that it doesn’t matter if he’s a werewolf, and he goes on with "we can’t".
His first excuse is that, when Tonks point out that just because Bill will become part-werewolf doesn’t mean Fleur doesn’t want to marry him, Lupin says it’s different, that it’s not comparable. That’s a scene where Lupin is being an anti-werewolf bigot. He argues that being a werewolf means you can’t marry and have a child—yeah, we know where that comes from. Just because it’s Lupin saying it doesn’t make it better, it harms other werewolves, when he keeps up that logic. Also he says the situations are different between Bill and him, but are they really? Molly was expecting Fleur not to marry Bill now that he was half-werewolf. Now he’s got werewolf scars on his face (while Lupin, in the books, does not). You think no one is going to pay attention? So that’s false.
The second excuse is "I’m too poor, too old... too dangerous." That’s fucking ridiculous, and holds huge cliché Twilight vibes. Plus it’s quite patronising. Who does Lupin think he is to make it all about Tonks? to decide he’s too poor or old or dangerous for her? Tonks is an experimented Auror, member of the Order, who last year, fought fucking Bellatrix just after she’d killed Sirius. Does Lupin think that he’s somehow more dangerous than Bellatriw now? Not only that, but Tonks is a Metamorphmagus, ie she can transform into anything whenever Lupin becomes a werewolf. She’s a multi-Animagus by birth, and she can always transform into a bear or smth if a problem arises. Lupin let his friends become Animagi and hang him around as a werewolf for years, so he’s definitely not concerned about whether a werewolf could attack a metamorphed witch. As an aside, this "I’m too old/poor/dangerous" feels like a bait strategy used by groomers on teens that are affection-starved, which doesn’t make Lupin look any better. Moreover, what does it tell that Lupin says he’s too old for Tonks? Does he see her as a teen now? That’s worrying. Especially as he spent the last year or so hanging out with her and expressed no problem with that.
I think that by HBP Lupin already knew Tonks’ Patronus had changed for him. But his reply at that? "Sometimes... a great shock... an emotional upheaval..." while chewing his turkey slowly, thinking about his words. Why? Because he knows Tonks’ Patronus changed for love, and still he wants to frame it as something else.
Conclusion of the Infirmary scene: Lupin never says that he doesn’t want to marry Tonks or that he doesn’t love her, in fact he says he wants to but goes Edward/Christian Grey on Tonks, making it as though external factors such as him being a werewolf etc is what matters when it does not. He puts her in emotional distress without cutting clear their relationship. Red flag for me.
So, Lupin marries Tonks, impregnates her, and then "The Bribe" arrives (name of the chapter). He proposes to Harry to accept him in their group; he can be used as a werewolf to be set upon people. Lol, and I guess Lupin doesn’t care that this werewolf might attack the Trio too. That, of course, is further proof Lupin doesn’t actually care his werewolf form might hurt people, even in adulthood. Remember when in PoA he complained that a situation where he could bite any of the children must never happen again? Forgotten when it’s convenient for him!
Then of course, we discover Tonks is pregnant and that Lupin wants to leave her at her parents’ house during her pregnancy. There’s so much to say about, but dammit, I’ll try to be concise even if it makes me rage.
Lupin is fucking cold and manipulative during this scene. "What about Tonks?" Hermione asks. "What about her?" Lupin answers. The fuck, she’s your wife? Anyway that’s not the only problem. To convince Harry to let him escape his family duties with good conscience, he manipulates him with two of his (dead) father figures: Dumbledore and James. First, saying Dumbledore would approve Lupin accompanying the Trio, then saying James would approve Lupin abandoning his pregnant wife at home. The last strategy in particular, using James to manipulate Harry to do as Lupin wishes, is used by Pettigrew as well. "Harry, James wouldn’t have wanted me killed." "Harry, I’m sure James would want me to stick with you" (or smth like it). Nice, Lupin, as if you couldn’t get any worse. Harry argues that on the contrary, James wouldn’t do that, and Lupin gets indignant (the same who used orphan Harry’s dead father just earlier, now is angry when his own weapons are used against him). What is your issue Lupin.
But that’s not the worst. Just a bit earlier, Lupin argues that Tonks will be safe at her parents’ house. If you don’t see the problem with that, I’ll tell you: before Tonks was brought up, he told Harry that Death Eaters had now the powers of the Ministry, that they could go nuclear on Tonks’ family if they wished—and that’s what happened. They’d put up every magical protection they could on Tonks’ home, and yet the Death Eaters broke in and Crucio’ed them. So no, they’re definitely not safe. But Lupin pretends otherwise, lying to the Trio’s face. He’s leaving Tonks, their unborn baby and his step-family alone in a house they were tortured in just a while ago, and all he cares about is whether the Trio won’t care too much about it.
When Harry protests, of course, Lupin throws a literal tantrum. He admits he knowingly impregnated Tonks. He woes about his sore condition. He never says anything about how Tonks is feeling right now, he’s just talking about himself. "Me me me me me". Then he uses the uborn baby Teddy as his new spokesman, after Dumbledore and James, saying the baby will be ashamed of him for being a werewolf who risked passing on his condition. This is the same Lupin who will name his kid after his own name: Teddy Remus Lupin. The same Lupin who was utterly disgusted when he admitted Tonks was pregnant. Because the truth is, it’s Lupin who’s ashamed of having a son. And no, internalized lycanthrophobia of this scale doesn’t hurt any less. It just shows Lupin is a bigot, who reports the pain on his family.
I’m gonna skip a few details, but basically, when Harry dares calling Lupin a coward, Lupin blasts him against the kitchen wall then leaves. Violent and childish now. You’ll remark that Lupin didn’t mind calling himself a coward who never changed in PoA: that’s because he knew saying it like this would make the Trio believe he was only exaggerating ("I’d never have believed this, the man who taught me to fight Dementors—a coward.") Now that Lupin’s cowardice is brought up in a way that doesn’t fit his goals, Lupin reacts violently.
At some point in the story, Lupin returns and announces his baby was born, that his name was Teddy Remus Lupin (facepalm). Then he dies some months after. Frankly, I doubt that Lupin returned after making peace with himself. I think he returned just because he realized he’d lost the pampering loving worship of 6 people at once (and perhaps more) with his bullshit, and he didn’t want that. He never left the Tonkses alone in an unsafe house with the intention to remain alone himself. So he returns to find back the pity and care of everybody—not for Tonks or the baby themselves. Remember this is the same guy who was ok to maintain a relationship based on lies and deception with Dumbledore as long as he had Dumbledore’s trust. He doesn’t care about him—or Tonks apparently—as a person. He cares about what they can give to him.
Frankly, I hate how the books proceed to shame Harry for being too harsh on Lupin—I think he did exactly what was to be done, and I’m proud of Harry on this one. Just imagine Snape had married Lily, impregnated her then left her, their child and her family alone in a house they were tortured in a few days ago? Everybody—the books included—would rage on him. And I’d understand. But Snape did not do that, Lupin did. If you’d hate Snape for doing such a thing to Lily, then by all means, you should hate Lupin for doing precisely that to Tonks and her family.
All in all, I don’t think Lupin is either a good husband, a good father, or a good person. Not on this one. I don’t think the relationship between Tonks and Lupin would have been healthy either. I’m sorry for Tonks. She deserves so much better. Were she alive, I’d hope she’d dump Lupin and take care of her child. At least for her emotional safety and mental health. Because Lupin really was a huge bigoted, selfish and manipulative asshole against them all.
Not that I condemn Remadora, of course. But in the books, there are indeed, huge red flags. Even Snape knew it, I believe. "Your Patronus is weak," because Lupin is weak and her shaky, rushed relationship with that man won’t last. Lupin is a Marauder for a reason, guys. I’m sure Sirius and James would be proud of him (but Harry doesn’t need to know that, ignorance is bliss).
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