Y'know I’ve been thinking for a while about girlfriends and faves and stuff and here’s the brass tax: you don’t have to like the girls that your fave decides to date, but when you use bullshit reasons to justify your dislike, when you use gendered insults (attention seeker, slut, golddigger, talentless, etc.) we all lose. I don’t think it’s fair to say as a blanket that you have to like these girls, whoever they may be, but goddamn, justifying the discomfort they stir in your tummy (and that is the reason why, it’s not the other way around. I have been there. I denied it too.) by finding something they tweeted and probably don’t even /remember/ from 2013 is not only a TERRIBLE coping mechanism but a way to further the impossible standards we have for women. The truth is, absolutely nobody is perfect, and it is almost comically unfair to hold your fave’s girlfriend to some absolutely wild standard while you let him be, Y'know, a human. Fallible. Making mistakes and learning and growing.
And, even if she’s genuinely a bad person, that’s not an excuse to use harmful language against her, because then you’re automatically justifying that language against every girl you’ve ever met. Also, you’re excusing him for dating this “evil” woman, as if she and her evil girlness captured him against his will. If she’s as terrible as you think she is, what’s that say about someone willing to date her?
Also, expecting an apology for minor things that happened more than 1 birthday ago is just… so dangerous. It’s an impossible standard, and it’s a standard only used to justify hate, never used to spark it. Just, be careful, I guess. And make sure your dislike comes from a place of knowing she’s problematic (recently, and without signs of growth) and not because you feel betrayed (and please trust me, I’ve been there) by your fave loving someone who dares to be human.
Finally, I love you, and I understand this shit can be hard to swallow, especially when your fave is a star in your otherwise dark sky. Someone taking them from you can feel like a betrayal, even if you won’t admit it. Even though you don’t/may not want to date them. That’s where I was. Try some genuine introspection, and if you find that maybe you haven’t been as nice as you can be, remember to forgive yourself, as long as you’re willing to change. Remember to assume good intentions.
origamiaround
andulkaphoto
areudirty
germansingergirl
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