Dear Liberal Allies â what your college courses on oppression didnât tell you
Iâm not angry or upset about anything in particular at the moment, but I thought Iâd take a little time to write something out that had been bugging me about allies. Itâs certainly not all-encompassing or totally comprehensive, but itâs something Iâve been thinking about in terms of being a good ally and a good neighbor, especially here on Tumblr.
Before you step in to help us out, Iâd just like to clarify a couple things.
You and I, we may have taken the same seminars and maybe even read the same Audre Lorde excerpts or Ronald Takaki books, but know this: we learned very different things in very different waysÂ
For students of color, for gay students, for trans* students, for the children of immigrants and refugees, these classes arenât always about learning new concepts when it pertains to us. Itâs more about learning the names of things we already knew fairly intimately. Do you understand that? You learned it another way. You went in, you got this set of key words and a list of definitions. Your learning was, in all likelihood, âHere is this word. This is what this word means.â
For you, it was âXenophobia: a strong fear or dislike of people from other countries.â
For us, it was âXenophobia: the time that boy in my kindergarten class spat on me because I couldnât speak English yet. Or when I saw that clerk yell at my mom in the grocery store because her English wasnât clear enough. Or when USCIS had us confirm our American citizenship with the same set of papers seven times over the course of sixteen years because they wanted to confirm that we were, in fact, actual American citizens.â
For you, it was, âRacism: unfair treatment of people who belong to another race; violent behavior towards them.â
For us, it was, âRacism: that one time I saw that manager tell that sales girl to follow my dad around at Kohlâs. Or that one time my neighborâs kid got shot by the police and they tried to cover it up by convincing everyone he was in a gang because he was Hmong, but we knew he wasnât. Or that one time my dad told me I shouldnât rollerblade to the library because Iâm not white and itâs not safe for me.â
For you, it was, âHomophobia: a strong dislike or fear of homosexual people.â
For us, it was, âHomophobia: that time in the sixth grade when Ryan shoved me against a glass door and banged my face in it while yelling, âfaggot!â at me until the teacher stopped him. Or when my Catholic high schoolâs president told me that, though he loved me as a child of God, he still believed I was sinful when I suggested that we start a GSA.â
For you, it was: âClassism: prejudice or discrimination based on social class.â
For us, it was: âClassism: that one time when my best friend came over to hang out in high school and her parents didnât want her to come over again because they didnât like our neighborhood. Or that one time when my friends had no idea what food stamps looked like and I was too embarrassed to explain what they were.â
So while you were learning that these academically-framed phenomena were real problems, we were just getting little figurative nametags for awful things that we already knew. Your weekly vocabulary list was, to us, just a hollow shadow of our lived experiences.
If you didnât live an experience, then step aside. Because we knew this stuff before our professors told us what to call it. We learned it from the bottom up, you learned it from the top down, and thatâs not even a metaphor.
When you step out of class, you get to be like, âOh, awesome. I am learning how to be a good ally and a better human being. This will help me.â For us, itâs more like, âAh, so thatâs what theyâre calling it nowadays. When exactly did they say change was going to come for us?â
So in practice, hereâs what all this theory looks like: you donât always have to speak. I mean, certainly, you should totally call someone out on their oppressive bullshit. But if you identify as male, you donât get to tell people what is best for women as though you have that authority. If youâre white, you shouldnât be trying to âupliftâ people of color by the grace of your intellect or your words. Nobodyâs looking to be ârescuedâ or âpulled up from out of their unfortunate circumstancesâ as you may be tempted to believe.
All anybodyâs looking for in an ally is someone who knows that âempowermentâ means taking a step aside in a place where you know you have privilege. And if it is, for example, a PoC-to-PoC conversation, a woman-to-woman conversation, a queer-to-queer conversation, etc. about this stuff, and that isnât who you are, you donât need to be chiming in.
Just take our word for it, let us talk, and let us vent. Weâd like you to give us room, and if you have to be helpful, then help make room for us by giving up some of your proverbial social girth.
Because the bottom line is that our academia has made a commodity of our lived experiences as teaching moments for you. And if you think your academic knowledge is more valid than our lived experiences, then youâre definitely not part of the solution.