A lazy account of how it is like to be a Stanford student

Meh

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I'm not smart. I'm a foolish person with some knowledge to spare.

Inspired by Don Leo XII Loayza in Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s “Love in the time of cholera”

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#nolife

- I’m sending my professor an email at 11pm on a Saturday night. He probably thinks that I have no life.

- Dude, he just answered your email in 5 minutes on a Saturday night. Who has no life?

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Dead Week

Just spent half an hour trying to scrape a black blotch near my mouth until I realized that it was a mole. Obviously, I haven't had time to look at myself in the mirror for so long that I forgot how many moles I have on my face. 

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Was walking upstairs today with my phone, a cup of coffee and a banana in my hands when I tripped and dropped all of them. But it's okay. I managed to catch the banana. Trust me with your bananas.

Priorities

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You have methods that give you something back. You also have methods that return nothing. Just like relationships.

Mehran Sahami, during a CS106A lecture.

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The happiness of my life is proportional to the speed of my Internet.

Quote from a Robber Barons' Application

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Just a normal late night on campus

Around midnight, I was walking around campus to show my parents (on Skype) how the campus looked like at night when a man in a Scottish skirt, furry collar and leather bagpipe stopped in front of me.

- Excuse me, do you know how to head West?

Of course I did not know so I opened Google maps. He leaned in closer to take a look. That was when I realized his smell was reek of weeds. 

- Did you just smoke? - I asked.

- Oh no, I'm still smoking now. - He took out a half-smoked joint from his pocket. - Do you want some?

I thought about it for a second, then remembered my Mom told me never to take drugs from a stranger.

- No, thank you. - I said.

One minute, two minutes, then three minutes had passed and he was still staring at my phone. 

- Have you figured out the West yet? If not, maybe you can tell me where you want to go and I can look it up for you.

- I can't read this map. - He finally said. - I think I have to go somewhere called Santa something.

- Santa Teresa? - I asked.

- Yes yes, that's the one. Santa Teresa.

- Oh then you just need to turn right here, then turn left, then turn right again. 

- Thank you. - He looked at me. - Are you sure you don't want to smoke?

- I'm sure. Thank you. Enjoy your Scottish reunion. - I smiled and waved at him goodbye. 

- I'm not Scottish. - He said. - This is just how I dress.

Then he cycled off in the dark. I didn't know where he was going, but I sure hoped that he'd get there all right.

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“It’s bad, but in Michael Jackson’s sense of bad, which is good.”

Mehran Sahami, probably the most hilarious professor at Stanford, during a CS 106A class.

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I did interviews because that's one way of having conversations without having to actually say anything.

Lauren Redniss, author of "Radioactive", during the Three Book Discussion.

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If you come across a fork on the road, take it because yay, free fork!

The most memorable quote during the "Value of Liberal Arts Education" lecture at Stanford.

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The first intellectual exercise at Stanford

Stanford, like many almost-as-cool universities in the US, has this awesome three-book program for the incoming freshmen. Over the summer, they sent incoming freshmen three books for free (yes, they paid for the shipping as well), hoping that we would read them and have a meaningful conversation with the authors on campus during NSO. One of the three books this year is “My year of meats” by Ruth Ozeki. Because this book is heavily influenced by "The Pillow Book" by Sei Shonagon, we were given an exercise to re-create some of Sei Shonagon’s lists with items of our own.

Here are two examples of lists that Sei Shonagon put in The Pillow Book: 

Things that create the appearance of deep emotion

Are you feeling deep yet?

Things that should be large

Seriously, of all the parts on a man’s body, it’s “eyes” that you came up with? And what’s the deal with large priests?

That same list, but made by a Stanford student. 

I love how Knowledge comes last, behind two different types of animals, and nowhere close to the size of one's dorm room. Just so you see the intellectual vitality and priority of a typical Tree on campus.

More lists by Stanford students.

Things that cannot be compared

- Grass

Things that give one confidence

- When one strolls through the airport security without being stopped under five minutes. (Oh, hello USA)

Rare things

- Walking in flip-flops without making the flippy floppy sounds.

- Easy opening packaging

- Getting into Stanford

Elegant things

- Straight lines

- Zoning out.

Of course, how could anything else in the world be more elegant than straight lines?

Things that should be short

- Waiting in line

- The height of a step

Embarrassing things

- When the automatic toilets don’t flush and you look like a gross person (Just so you know, automatic toilets at Stanford don’t have a manual override mode)

- Snort while laughing

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You don't hate stress In fact, you are all addicted to stress. That's why you are here.

A speaker from CAPS - Counseling and Psychological Services demystifying the Stanford duck syndromes to the incoming freshmen.

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Nerd Nation Culture Shocks

Things that just don't happen at home, wherever in the world your home is. Stanford international students share some of the weirdest things they encounter when they first arrive on campus.

People come say "Hey, how's it going?" and never wait for you to answer. They just walk away.

BUI - Biking under influence is actually a thing.

You can't download free stuff on the Internet.

Standard paper is not A4 but letter size.

Everybody knows that feet, miles, yard make no sense yet everybody still uses them.

Toilets flush without anybody pressing any button. It gets creepy at night. 

There are so many trash bins that you need an app to determine which one to use.

No fat people on campus.

Taxes are never included in the bill. 

What's up with tips?

People stop for you to cross the road.

Wall sockets look like they are screaming, begging you not to torture them with those three-leg electronic monsters.

Trees are full of ripe fruits and nobody picks them.

Giant portions of everything.

Everyone is so happy.

Strangers talk to you at red lights, in the parks, while waiting for public restrooms. They even walk backward to continue the conversations.

If only I get one nickel every time somebody says "like", ...

Still can't get used to seeing the moon at noon. It's like having two suns.

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Your Vice Provost can be cool but he can never be Stanford Vice Provost cool. Harry Elam showed up at Stanford101 speaking like Morgan Freeman and looking like Samuel Jackson dressed in black suit, pink shirt, sunglasses and a single sparkling earring! I was so mesmerized by his sense of fashion that I had to stand up to see what shoes he was wearing. The only problem was that I was on the second front row, you see, so Trisha had to pull me down in the hope of restoring some common courtesy into me.

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If, just if one day in the future, I forget to flush toilet anywhere in the world, it’s all because of Stanford’s automatic toilets.

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Update from first day in school

Bad news: My feet hurt from hours of walking around campus. Who needs gym when you can get lost?  Good news: Found persimmon & orange trees with loads of fruits begging me to pick. Bad news: Lost my phone. Good news: Got the pdf file for one of my textbooks so I can save that money for a new phone. Now if only I can sell one of my kidneys for the rest of the textbooks ...